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Archive for July, 2011

Raising Children To Care

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, July 21st, 2011

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Raising children to care

Loving child behavior, though, cannot be forced. But it CAN be taught.

Raising children to care about themselves and others is something every sane parent wants to do.

 

We don’t just want our children to demonstrate proper behavior toward others because of the rules or because they fear punishment if they don’t.

Few things please a parent more than observing a child demonstrating caring treatment of others, including animals and plants.

 

Loving child behavior, though, cannot be forced.  But it CAN be taught.

The word “education” does not mean to give knowledge, lessons or exercises.  It means to draw out knowledge or ability from the student.

 

Raising children to demonstrate genuinely caring behavior is a process of honoring, supporting, nurturing and drawing out the child’s potential for loving self-conduct.

 

When a child displays cruelty, this educational process can be most challenging.

Instinctively we feel like hurting the child for being hurtful, but this does not actually teach a child to be more kind.

 

Child behavior is a product, at least to a significant degree, of how that child has been related to.

 

Raising children to be kind and caring requires that we honestly examine our own self-conduct toward the child.

When our words or actions become too harsh, we cause the child to develop a sort of emotional numbness to avoid the pain.

 

That numbness prevents the child from connecting with his or her own deep heart of compassion.

 

Just because a child behaves in an unkind or unruly manner, that does not justify our unkind, insensitive reaction.

With dedication and practice we can develop our ability to direct and correct child behavior effectively, in a loving way that honors the child’s heart.

 

In what ways were you treated unkindly in childhood?

Can you see how that treatment programed you to be unkind?

Share your thoughts about raising caring children in this blog.


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Parenting Skills & Child Self-Confidence

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, July 18th, 2011

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Among the most important parenting skills has to do with supporting children’s belief in themselves.

 

Tips for parents for child behavior

The parenting skills most often sought by beleaguered parents focus on gaining control over the child

There are several parenting skills required for this:

 

1. Maintain enough emotional self-control to avoid projecting too much anger onto the child.

 

2. Speak carefully to the child to avoid denigrating the child’s view of himself/herself through harsh, critical verbal put-downs or excessive complaining.

 

3. Reject mental visions of the child that portray him or her as inadequate (because the visions of the child that we hold in mind operate as self-fulfilling prophesies.)

 

The parenting skills cited above are too often overlooked amid the heat of those moments filled with child behavior challenges.

 

The parenting skills most often sought by beleaguered parents
focus on gaining control over the child.

But parenting skills that support children’s belief in themselves help them to develop greater SELF-control.

 

The child who believes in himself / herself will:

 

  • Aspire to achieve great goals
  • Strive to overcome challenges
  • Go all out to demonstrates higher levels of ability
  • Courageously move forward through life’s inevitable difficulties.

Of all the parenting skills required for raising children who
believe in themselves, there is none more important
than parents believing in THEMSELVES.

The most challenging time for demonstrating genuine belief in oneself is when circumstances don’t support it, like when your children let you down with problematic behavior.

 

Another essential for supporting children’s self-confidence and self-esteem is honest self-awareness on the part of the parent.

 

You have to be aware of what you are really feeling deep down inside. Otherwise, you may very well react too harshly to your child’s behavior to compensate for your loss of belief in yourself.

 

To raise children who believe in themselves, develop the parenting skills of:

 

• Communicating consciously and compassionately with your child

• Demonstrating the emotional self-control to avoid undermining the child’s self-worth with harsh anger

• Maintaining a positive vision of your child

• Living with self-confidence and honest self-awareness.

 

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Charity And Child Behavior

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, July 7th, 2011

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Improving child behavior

You will not receive perfect behavior from your child all of the time. Charitable parenting understands this and forgives the child for being human.

Obviously, influences beyond the parent’s control impact child behavior.

 

However, a child’s behavior is still largely a product of the quality of parenting the child receives.

 

When it comes to correcting or directing your child’s behavior,
consider the importance of being charitable.

Children naturally test their boundaries. Even the best parenting advice cannot show you how to avoid this.

 

If you respond properly to boundary-testing, the child passes through it quickly and easily, as a very temporary phase.

 

If you respond improperly, the child may become stuck in that problem behavior, and even regress into more serious problems.

 

Good parenting includes letting behavior problems pass.

Parenting charitably means that you understand that children will overstep boundaries at times.

 

Charitable parenting does not mean being overly lenient or indulgent.

 

It means NOT reacting with so much harsh criticism that you cause the child to become stuck or to regress.

 

Charitable parenting is the best way to:

  • teach children to be charitable toward others
  • understand no one is perfect
  • not unreasonably demand perfection from themselves or from others

You will not receive perfect behavior from your child all of the time. Charitable parenting understands this and forgives the child for being human.

 

Here are 7 common ways that parents cause children to “get stuck” in problematic child behavior:

 

  1. Yelling at the child
  2. Shaming the child
  3. Causing the child to fear the parent’s wrath
  4. Setting limits when it is really not necessary
  5. Being insensitive or inattentive toward the child’s feelings
  6. Timing the child out when the child needs more close time with the parent
  7. Holding onto a grudge – continuing to resent the child for the child’s past mistakes

As you practice responding charitably to disturbing behavior, you help your child pass through challenging phases into more and more beautiful child behavior.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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