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Archive for December, 2011

The Wisdom Of Doing Nothing

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

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Parenting Strategies For Child Discipline

It is as if we presume that we are always supposed to have perfect parenting strategies, that we must always do something to fix a child discipline problem.

 

Here is some parenting advice for child discipline that may surprise you:

  1. It’s okay to not know what to do about a child behavior problem.
  2. When you don’t know what to do, it’s often wise to do NOTHING.

 

When your child behaves in a disturbing way, as parents we feel compelled to do something about it.

 

It is as if we presume that we are always supposed to have perfect parenting strategies, that we must always do something to fix a child discipline problem.

 

When your infant cries on and on, when your toddler throws something in a rage, when your older child tells you something that you know is untrue, if you feel clueless, remember this important piece of responsible parenting wisdom:  Sometimes doing nothing is better than doing something.

 

When you presume that you must do SOMETHING, instead of effectively teaching your child, you probably end up complaining, criticizing, nagging, yelling, arguing or endlessly negotiating, which does nothing but wear you down and promote more behavior problems.

 

We need to practice the effective parenting wisdom of being non-reactive when we don’t know what to do for improved child discipline.

 

The time to apply this parenting advice is when you realize that you really don’t know what to do.

Raising Children with Child Discipline

We need to practice the effective parenting wisdom of being non-reactive when we don’t know what to do for improved child discipline.

Here is a parenting exercise:

 

 

  1. 1. The next time your child behaves in a way that you are uncertain about how to handle, remain calm and don’t say or do anything to your child.  Discipline yourself to remain non-reactive.

 

  1. 2. Be sure to apply this to the EMOTIONAL level as well.  By that I mean remain EMOTIONALLY non-reactive by staying calm instead of slipping into anger, frustration, or any form of emotional overwhelm.

 

  1. 3. EXAMPLE: if your child left a mess and refused to clean it up when you asked him to do so, and you know that pushing the child further will only lead to increasing chaos relax.  If you want the mess cleaned up right now, clean it yourself, calmly, without resentment, and without worrying that your child is learning to take advantage of you, to disrespect you, to be messy.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not suggesting that you apply the parenting advice of doing nothing ALL the time – only when you don’t know what to do to improve child discipline.

 

 

Of course, the more you learn from study and parenting experience, the more you will know just what to do for positive child discipline results. But there are still bound to be instances when you feel clueless.

 

That doesn’t make you a bad parent. Doing nothing, when you don’t know what to do, makes you a wiser parent than one who simply reacts blindly.

 

Please feel welcome to share instances when you don’t know what to do for better child discipline.  Perhaps I, or your fellow bloggers, will have some parenting advice that you can try.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


 

 

Positive Parenting Wisdom

By Bob Lancer   |  Sunday, December 18th, 2011

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new child behavior pattern

It is essential to eliminate the use of complaining as a means of solving behavior problems

One of the common parenting mistakes I have observed as a parent and as a parenting seminar leader and consultant who has worked directly with thousands of families, is confusing complaining with effectively improving child behavior.

 

When we complain to our kids about a behavior problem, like not putting their things away or eating like a barbarian at the dinner table, we really are NOT leading them to more responsible child behavior.

 

Raising kids to display a higher level of self-discipline is accomplished by patiently guiding the child, step-by-step, through the new child discipline pattern you want established.

 

And to SUCCESSFULLY establish a new child behavior pattern, you have to be willing to repeat this patient, step-by-step leadership over and over again, until it becomes the child’s new habit.

Try this exercise:

  1. Make a list of the child behavior problems that you face in raising your kids. want your child display.
  2. Envision the new child behavior you want in place of that problem.
  3. The next time that your child demonstrates the behavior problem, instead of complaining, calmly, patiently guide your child step-by-step through the new behavior that you want.

 

Contribute to the Parenting Wisdom of the planet by sharing the results of this exercise, and any questions you have about it, in this blog.


 

One additional point: It is essential to eliminate the use of complaining as a means of solving behavior problems.

 

When we complain to our kids, we incite their defensiveness, not their cooperation.

 

Complaining is a way of raising kids to complain!

 

To instill a new child behavior pattern, guide your child through the steps of that behavior calmly, patiently and repeatedly, until the child does it on his or her own.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Inspirational Parenting Wisdom

By Bob Lancer   |  Saturday, December 10th, 2011

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Inspiration and kids

Children display more respectful compliance, more willing cooperation, when they sense our happy feelings

Inspiration and kids go quite well together.

When you feel inspired while interacting with your children, you will achieve better results than when you feel frustrated, impatient or overwhelmed.

This is because children pick up on how we feel, including our feeling of positive motivation.

Children display more respectful compliance, more willing cooperation, when they sense our happy feelings.

This is why it makes sense to re-train our response pattern when our children seem most difficult.

I’ve found that when I respond with inspiration, my kids are easier to deal with.

For instance, while my toddler begged me to play with him, but I had to complete a chore, instead of reacting with exasperation I tried responding with inspiration.

In an enthusiastic tone I said, “Hey, this is great.  You are getting to learn how to wait!”

I noticed that his mood of whiney impatience shifted instantly.  The look on his face turned from cranky to relaxed.

Responding with positive feelings of motivation with our children not only has a positive impact on their behavior. For me, it makes parenting more enjoyable.

Try this exercise.

For one entire day, notice when you begin to feel the slightest trace of stress, frustration, annoyance or irritation with your children.

The moment you begin to feel yourself slipping into that unpleasant reaction, try shifting into a state of positive motivation with your children.

You might do this by simply pretending that you are doing something you love, and remember how that feels.

Contribute to other parents’ Wisdom with Kids by sharing
the results of this exercise in this blog.

With daily, deliberate practice I have found that I experience more inspiration with my kids on a consistent basis, and that inspires them to behave more delightfully.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

The Wisdom of Positive Motivation

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, December 5th, 2011

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Positive Motivation For Children

It really IS possible to lead a child, and to teach a child, in a loving, mutually pleasing manner

Using positive motivation with children often works best.

When a child does not behave as you expect, a disciplinary response is not always the answer.

Often, all the child needs is to feel a loving connection with you.

That loving connection makes the child feel happy and INSPIRES the child to cooperate with you.

When the child feels deeply pleased, the child feels inspired to please.

Using positive motivation with children maintains a loving, happy parent-child bond, and that represents the most fundamental demonstration of parental wisdom with kids.

It not only leads the child into higher performance, it also permits BOTH parent and child to more deeply enjoy the parent-child relationship.

It really IS possible to lead a child, and to teach a child, in a loving, mutually pleasing manner.

When we lose our patience, yell, nag, plead, argue or punish, we may be making parenting harder than it needs to be on ourselves and on our children.

Try this exercise.

Commit yourself to remaining calm, relaxed, pleasant and loving for an entire day, NO MATTER HOW YOUR CHILD BEHAVES.

In what instances do you use strictness or even anger to direct your child?  Try to think up more pleasant, loving, even happy ways that you can successfully function in those instances.

Contribute to other parents’ Wisdom with Kids by sharing the results of these two exercises in this blog.

Connecting in relaxed, loving, even fun ways with children inspires them to connect with US in pleasing ways.Using positive motivation with children does not mean bribing them with special rewards.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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