Home > Wisie Blog > Posts

Archive for January, 2012

How To Parent Wisely When You Are Feeling Down

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


How we feel around children impacts how children behave.

 

Our feelings radiate. Our kids read our feelings, absorb our feelings, and soon feel the way that we feel.

 

If we feel depressed, feel anxious, feel inadequate, feel frustrated around a child on a consistent basis, the child may develop a similar, unhealthy emotional pattern.

 

If we consistently feel emotionally balanced, feel inspired, feel self-confident, feel secure, feel calm, feel loving, we naturally instill positive emotional qualities in our child’s emotional development.

Parent Wisely For Healthy Child Behavior

Our feelings radiate. Our kids read our feelings, absorb our feelings, and soon feel the way that we feel

Not only is it compassionate to nurture the child-heart with joy.

 

Children behave better when they feel happy than when they feel unhappy.

 

And if a child behaves poorly repeatedly due to an emotional problem, that can turn into a deep-rooted child discipline problem.

 

To protect children from developing emotional problems and behavior problems, and to provide them with the positive parenting influence that supports their happy success, we parents need to parent with joy, parent with love and parent with emotional stability.

 

But displaying perfect parenting is impossible.  For instance, I spent the other day with my almost 3-year old.  Just a dad and his son. But I was feeling depressed about something.

 

It was hard for me to smile with sincerity.

 

I could see that my child’s mood was lowering in response to my low mood, but there was not a thing I could think of doing that would instantly solve my child’s problem.

 

Covering up my feelings and trying to pretend that I feel great would just model a pattern of repressing feelings and emotional dishonesty, something no wise parenting model includes.

 

I learned a while back that the big mistake we make when we are feeling sad, feeling discouraged or feeling anxious is to try to change external circumstances to gain emotional freedom.

 

What it takes is looking within, until we identify the THOUGHTS about ourselves or about our circumstances that keep us feeling badly.

 

By accepting my feelings, and looking into my mind for the negative thinking that causes them, I gain real emotional freedom.

 

But that is not an instantaneous process.  In the meantime the mood and behavior of my child is suffering from my influence.

 

But that was the best parenting I could do at the time.

 

And I did not beat myself up over the fact that I was not able to demonstrate perfect parenting, because that would have only compounded my negativity.

 

Sometimes we just have to trust our own best parenting wisdom, and model for our children how to grow into a better person.

 

 

Do YOU have any parenting tips for parents when they feel down?

Share your thoughts and questions in this blog about wise parenting under the influence of a low emotion.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Raising Children Positively: Correcting Children Correctly

By Bob Lancer   |  Sunday, January 22nd, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


When it comes to raising children, how we respond to child behavior is so important.

 

Recognizing a child’s positive effort or performance “programs” the child’s subconscious to prompt the child to:

Responding To Child Behavior

Raising children with positive parenting skills requires that we exercise a high level of self-awareness and self-control

  • Respect himself or herself
  • Make further effort to do good work
  • To be helpful
  • To demonstrate a kind and caring attitude
  • To choose responsible behavior

How parents respond to a display of child misbehavior also influences child development in a powerful way.

 

If a child receives too much harsh, angry correction and criticism the child begins to believe that he or she just cannot get it right.  In other words, the child develops a low self-esteem problem.

 

This child then expects (and demands) less of himself or herself, and feels more inclined to behave carelessly, to react and rebel destructively.

 

To demonstrate parenting wisdom with children, respond carefully to how your child behaves.  Skillful parenting responses motivate your child to do better and better.

 

Raising children with positive parenting skills requires that we exercise a high level of self-awareness and self-control.

 

Otherwise, instead of demonstrating parenting wisdom with our kids, we might habitually react too harshly or too frequently.

 

Or we might not be sufficiently attentive in parenting to recognize when our positive recognition and acknowledgement can inspire our children to continue striving to do well.

 

What all of this really amounts to is the fact that conscious attunement to the child’s heart is an essential core of positive discipline.

 

You will receive your own “parenting advice” from within as you take a moment to calmly “read” your child’s feelings BEFORE reacting to any problem behavior.

 

You can then intuitively sense the way your child needs you to relate with him or her in the now.

 

Parenting tips:

  1. Provide your child with at least 10 expressions of your love and appreciation each day.
  2. Work on remaining calm, aware and sensitive when you engage in any form of child behavior correction or child discipline.
  3. Practice attentive parenting to notice when your child can benefit from your positive response to his or her positive effort.

 

Share your thoughts and questions in this blog about the parenting advice presented here for
raising children with healthy self-esteem.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Pet Problems for Parents

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


One of the most common complaints that I hear from parents in my Positive Parenting With Love workshops, is, “My kids just don’t listen.”

 

The tips for parents that I offer in my response include: “Model better listening skills with your children.”

Raising Children With Positive Parenting

Model better listening skills with your children

 

Here is an example of how one mom demonstrated this.

 

A family found a stray puppy.

 

They already had a dog a cat, a toddler (not yet potty trained), and nine-year old twin boys.

 

The parents realized that they would not be able to demonstrate “positive parenting” very well if they took on one more responsibility.

 

They instantly decided, “No dog, no way.”

 

The toddler could have cared less.  But the twins complained.  When the parents held their ground, the twins cried.  The parents remained firm, but then the mother demonstrated positive parenting skill and wisdom by taking a closer look at her children.

 

The boys really looked hurt.  This was not a small, trivial matter to them.

 

It would have been easy to ignore their protestations with firm resolve.  But the mom wanted her boys to feel compassionate, to care about living creatures, to not harden their hearts.

 

“Let me share with you a couple of parenting tips that I’m trying to apply here, “ she said:  “Simplify your life so you have the energy to be a better parent.  Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ to your kids when you believe it’s in their best interest.”

 

The logic did not ease their pain.“You’re mean!” they shouted.

 

 

Then she came up with a positive parenting wisdom idea: using natural consequences.

 

“If you really feel this badly about it, here’s the deal. We can keep the dog if you triple your housework, take full responsibility for feeding and walking the dog, and if you donate all of your allowance to help with the expense of feeding the dog and taking him to the vet.”

 

They found a very nice home for the dog, in another part of town.

 

Parenting Tips:

 

  1. Model better listening to improve your child’s listening.
  2. Model caring to instill caring in your children.
  3. Informing children of the natural consequences for their choices helps them to make their own responsible decisions.

 

How do you feel about the mother’s response to her children’s pleas? Do you think she should have ignored them?

If the children had agreed to accept the responsibilities, but then balked later, what do you think this parent’s reasonable and responsible course of action should be?

Share your thoughts and questions in this about the positive parenting issues raised here.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Help Your Child Outgrow Behavior Problems

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, January 5th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Understanding Child Behavior

If you expect your child to behave so perfectly all the time that you never feel challenged, perplexed or overwhelmed, you expectation is overly optimistic

Child behavior problems or challenges are unavoidable.

If you expect your child to behave so perfectly all the time that you never feel challenged, perplexed or overwhelmed, you expectation is overly optimistic.

Children DO test us, and in surprising ways.

However wonderful your child may USUALLY behavior, whatever magnificent character she very often displays, her behavior will at times surprise you with a problem behavior you did not expect.

Two valuable tips for parents include:

  1. As part of your personal parenting strategy, be psychologically prepared to feel challenged by the way that your child behaves.
  1. Understand that child behavior is not permanent.  If we respond properly to a behavior problem, the child develops beyond it in a short time.

In my parenting classes, parents seek advice on how to handle everyday parenting challenges like sibling rivalry, bedtime issues, setting rules, establishing boundaries, child aggression, talking back disrespectfully, teaching politeness, encouraging honesty, etc.

But underneath their parenting questions I can see that at some level they often seem to feel that their child should NOT be presenting them with these problems; that children SHOULD behave well.

Adjusting expectations to be realistic is fundamental for any successful parent strategy.

When your child displays a problematic behavior, it does not mean that you are an inadequate parent and it does not mean that your child essentially wrong or bad for behaving in a disturbing way.

It means that you are encountering the reality of parenting.

Our parental responsibility, when it comes to child behavior management or child discipline, is to respond to the behavior in a way that supports the positive behavior changes that we want, and that avoids causing the child to become stuck in a problem behavior pattern.

Parenting Tips to help your child outgrow inappropriate self-conduct:
1. When you react to a behavior with much anger and stress you risk blocking the child from outgrowing that behavior.  This is because your emotional intensity indices child defensiveness.
2. Remaining calm, consider the sort of response your child needs from you to improve his or her behavior.
3. If you don’t know what to do, remain calm and patient. The child may most quickly outgrow the behavior without your intervention.

 

Share your experiences, thoughts and questions regarding this strategy for successfully dealing with child behavior in this blog.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...