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An Alternative To Saying “No” To Your Kids

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, June 29th, 2012

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Our parental “job” includes instilling wisdom in our children.

Disciplining Children

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves. ~ C.G. Jung

 

There are good reasons why parents would like to find an alternative to using the word “No” with their children.

 

You don’t want to HAVE to motivate your child to “do the right thing.”

 

Wouldn’t you love sensible ideas to bring as much inspiration to your kids as, say, the idea of shooting off firecrackers?

 

Having to frequently say ‘No’ can make parenting exhausting, and it causes some parents to feel that they are being too negative in the parent-child relationship.

 

If YOU have an issue saying “No”, and you want to instill practical life-wisdom in your child, try instead to tell your child of the reason why and what to do instead.

 

For instance, if your child asks for a second scoop of ice cream, instead of telling him “No”, try saying something like this to lead him to impose positive child discipline upon himself: “That would mean too much sugar, which is not good for the brain. But if you stop requesting another scoop you can have one scoop.”

 

This way of responding resolves the parenting issues of having to say “No” and feeling that you always have to impose boundaries for your child.

 

It ends on a positive note by pointing out what the child CAN have or do. It also helps the child development of understanding that actions have consequences, and to consider the consequences before acting on a desire.

 

Disciplining children is never all that much fun. The sooner our kids can responsibly discipline themselves the better.

 

By providing your child is a simple, brief explanation of what is undesirable about what she wants you actually educate her about what is good for her.

 

At the same time, you motivate your child to cooperate with you by helping her to see the positive outcome of cooperating with you: specifically, not requesting another scoop results in getting one scoop now.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Parenting Help: Improve Your Child’s Environment

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, June 25th, 2012

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

To improve child behavior, improve your child’s surroundings.

Good Parenting

Provide the child with influences that help the child display the positive child conduct you want

 

How a child behaves is a largely product of the child’s environment.

 

The child’s environment consists of the influences surrounding the child, including the influences emanating from people within that environment.

 

To help your child avoid or overcome behavior problems improve the emotional and behavior patterns impinging upon your child.

 

Parenting help for better child behavior generally involves working on the child’s environment in order to:

1… Avoid exposing the child to influences that contribute to behavior problems.

2… Provide the child with influences that help the child display the positive child conduct you want.

 

If all we focus on is getting the child to change WITHOUT changing the child’s environment, our efforts will be undermined by the disturbing environmental that led to the child’s behavior problem.

 

For instance, if your child withdraws from other kids, choosing to spend her time alone, that child may have received excessive criticism in her home environment, eroding her self-confidence.

 

Sometimes there is something happening at home that causes the child to feel ashamed.

 

There may be someone in the child’s home environment modeling a similar pattern of sensitivity that drives that person toward solitude and unsociability.

 

As long as the negative environmental factors remain unchanged, child discipline problems are likely to continue reflecting them.

 

In my own parent counseling practice I have often found that the parent help needed for improving how kids behave involves guiding parents in how to bring more order, calmness, attentiveness, positive modeling and love into the child’s environment.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

When It Is Wise To Ignore Your Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Saturday, June 23rd, 2012

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

To skillfully support child development, remember that there is a time for responding to your child and a time for NOT responding.

support child development

One key for raising children toward self-reliance is the parenting practice of being just responsive enough

If we are not responsive enough, we lose parental control as our child grows frustrated.

 

This is because and a frustrated child (like a frustrated adult) cannot help but slip into some form of behavior problem.

We teach our children, and the education may prove negative, through the way that we respond to our kids.

 

Being too non-responsive not only frustrates the child with the sense of denied parent access. It teaches the child, through our modeling, to BE non-responsive. This may manifest as the child not “listening” and being generally inattentive.

 

But, while a sufficient amount of parental involvement is crucial for positive child development and child behavior, it is also possible to be TOO responsive with a child.

 

If we respond automatically to a child’s request (or demand) for our attention, assistance or cooperation we demonstrate a weak form of child behavior management that actually trains the child to be overly demanding.

 

We also needlessly exhaust ourselves through the form of excessive parent involvement that we can describe as being overly responsive.

 

Help for parents who over-stress themselves through excessive responsiveness arrives as they apply the self-help wisdom of being more conscious in parenting.

 

Sometimes it is better to not respond as a means of teaching the child that the behavior she is using to get our response is unacceptable.

 

One key for raising children toward self-reliance is the parenting practice of being just responsive enough.

 

Be aware during your parent-child interactions to avoid automatically reacting to your child without first pausing to determine if reacting in the way that you are about to react is really wise right now.

 

If you HABITUALLY respond when your child demands your attention, you produce your own frustration and lead your child toward the relationship problems that stem from being overly demanding.

 

Don’t blame your child for this.  Realize that your reactions of stress and strain are NOT your child’s responsibility.  How you react is YOUR responsibility.

 

Practice the parenting wisdom of more CONSCIOUS parenting to more alertly recognize when you need to respond, and when you need to deliberately NOT respond to your child, for the best parenting results and experiences.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Good Parenting – Teaching The Simple Values

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Friday, June 1st, 2012
Inspiring Children
Appreciation can make a day – even change a life. ~ Margaret Cousins
Parenting Help

Nobody gets tired of hearing the words "I love you". Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you at every opportunity.

Parenting Tips

When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food, and the joy of living. ~ Tecumseh

 

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