When do you become flustered with your children?
It probably happens when you feel yourself barraged by unreasonable, self-centered demands.
There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child. ~
Henry Ward Beecher
You come home from work.Â And immediately you are being begged to do this or that.
You might try to accommodate your child, but thatâs not enough.Â The begging child demands that you do more, do something differently than you did it.
The child demands to be pleased, and you find yourself feeling strained in your attempt to please.Â You see no way to please, and YOU feel VERY DISPLEASED.
To begin solving this parenting problem, approach it as an opportunity for your growth rather than an opportunity to blame or resent your child for being so difficult, demanding and self-centered.
From the âhow can I growâ perspective you can then examine your way of dealing with the situation and find better options.
From the âblameâ perspective, parents focus on how the child is behaving wrongly, overlooking how wrongly they are dealing with it.
When we parents begin feeling frustrated, flustered, stressed out in reaction to child behavior, our child is not making that happen.Â Our way of reacting is making it happen.Â This is a crucial distinction!
Itâs all too common, when parents feel frustrated by an incessantly demanding child, the parents explode in a rage.
But if you really look at this reaction, it characterizes the exact opposite of what the parent really wants.
It takes the parent from the unpleasantness of frustration into the more extremely unpleasant state of rage. So, obviously, rage is an inadequate strategy for improving how you feel.
This points to the next stage of the parenting solution for the demanding child.Â Consider how you want to feel and determine to feel that way despite your childâs demands.
Concentrate on maintaining your peace and poise.Â If you find it difficult to maintain your peace and poise, do your best and you will grow in the ability to do so more and more effectively.
Now, as you become calm, and stop trying to please your child, your child will likely become increasingly frustrated with YOU.
Do your best to stay relaxed and at peace, and from peace you can find compassion.Â You can calmly, quietly love your child as your child works out his frustration on his own over not being able to control YOU.
Some might think you have to yell at your child to âteachâ him that he needs to relate with you in a more considerate and less demanding way, but this tactic blares with hypocrisy when you really look at it.Â It models harshness as a means of teaching more gentleness!Â It models demandingness in an attempt to teach the opposite.
Sometimes, by simply maintaining your calm and compassionate center and NOT straining to please, you allow LIFE to teach your child the lesson he or she needs.Â That not only saves you effort and strain, it gives your child the chance to grow.
Thereâs a parenting solution for the demanding child.