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Archive for April, 2013

Successful Parenting Without Marital Stress

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, April 15th, 2013

One of the most common parenting challenges brings strife into almost every home with children.


It occurs when parents clash in frustrating conflict over their difference in opinion regarding the parenting they want their children to receive.


Child Development With Parenting Wisdom

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves. ~C.G. Jung


One parent regards peace and harmony in the household as sacrosanct. The other parent feels justified in disturbing the peace at home by getting very emotionally worked up and harshly complaining in reaction to unwanted child behaviors.


One parent believes in giving the child a clear explanation of the reasons behind the rules for child behavior. The other believes that offering explanations is a form of “cow-towing” that treats the child with too much respect.


One parent feels justified in angrily yelling at children. The other parent feels that yelling at children creates more household chaos, not more order.


Whatever your disagreements with your spouse about parenting your children, how you react to your spouse is where to focus your attention.


The instant that you begin feeling frustrated you are really fighting against yourself.


How your spouse behaves is beyond your control. (How your spouse behaves may temporarily be beyond your spouse’s control!)


You enter an emotionally straining power-struggle with your spouse because you believe that you need to control that person more than you actually can.


Angry clashing wastes energy. That’s why you feel so drained after a spat. Emotionally colliding with your mate over parenting your child means that you are misdirecting your energy.


When you feel blocked, you are pursuing a path that leads to opposition, not success.


Trust that what you can do without strife is enough.


Instead of fighting with your child or with your spouse over unwanted behavior, seek better ways of managing yourself in response to disturbing behavior.


Stop futilely struggling to improve the way that your spouse responds to the children and focus instead on improving the way that you respond to your spouse.


Look for non-combative ways to guide your children into more beautiful behavior and you’ll achieve more parenting success with less marital stress.

Parenting Wisdom For Easier Child Development

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, April 12th, 2013

Child development is a natural process, meaning that our children are naturally inclined to work as hard as possible on fulfilling their greater potential.


In fact, the deepest driving desire in a child is to demonstrate mastery, to grow more capable, to become all that he and she can be.


Just as the seed holds the pattern of growth and fruition of the plant, and just as the seed contains the internal drive to grow into its full potential, at the very core of their being our kids are internally guided and driven toward full child development.


Child Development Should be the Ultimate Motive of Parents

“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.” – Bill Ayers

A child of any age who appears to lack the motivation to do better may simply have “lost touch” with his or her own truest, deepest intention and desire.


As parents, we create or contribute to this tragic “disconnect” by fighting with the child.


The more we fight with our children, the more we suppress their own internal will to do better.


We really cannot “make” our children behave. The best we can do is to consistently provide influences that nurture and support their own motivation behave better.


We accomplish this by helping the child understand the behavior improvement that we expect. In terms of giving a child feedback, this is called “feed forward”.


Rather than criticize the child for what he DID wrong, clearly convey the behavior you expect moving forward.


Now here is a really crucial point. Avoid making that new behavior about you, about what you want, about doing what you say. It has to be about the child doing what his own intrinsic will for child development tells him.


For children under the age of six, you need to show them how you want them to behave, not just tell them. For children older than six, a clear, simple explanation of the behavior that you expect can suffice.


For instance, if your child refuses to stop playing and come to the dinner table, calmly demonstrate and / or explain exactly what behavior you expect.


For instance, you might explain, “I expect you to stop playing and come to the dinner table the first time I ask. Now, let’s pretend this is the first time. Please stop your play now and come sit at the dinner table. Let’s see if you can do that?”


If the child does it, show your satisfaction. Treat the accomplishment as a success for the child.


If the child ignores you again, you might try ignoring the child for the time being. Eat your dinner while the child’s dinner cools. The child learns from the consequence of his choices, and you don’t have to stress about it.


Don’t worry that you will “have” to give into a demand that you prepare the child a warm meal or snack later. Cross that bridge if you come to it, using the same guideline for working with the child development will.


When we get caught up in an argument or stressful power-struggle with our children we perpetuate conflict in the parent-child relationship and incite their emotional opposition to their own intrinsic motivation toward behavior improvement.

Child Behavior Wisdom: Protect Your Child’s Feelings

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
Parenting Skills

Do a deed of simple kindness; though its end you may not see, it may reach, like widening ripples, down a long eternity. ~ Joseph Norris


Here’s what makes child behavior management so challenging: kids, like adults, want to feel completely free to do as they please and to have what they want when they want it.

They don’t want to have to go to bed, wait their turn, forego another piece of candy, put their toys away before moving on to another activity, turn off the video game, come in from playing outside to do their homework, wash their hands before eating.

It’s human nature to desire absolute, complete autonomy, without limits.

A central human challenge is learning how to deal with limits, even as we strive to overcome them.

Responsible parenting certainly includes setting limits on our child’s behavior, at times, because what kid’s want is not always in their best interest.

Responsible parenting also requires setting limits on parent behavior.

Correcting child behavior too harshly injures the child emotionally.

Ironically, overly harsh correction breeds child unruliness.

It teaches children to demonstrate cruelty in their relationships.

Relating insensitively with a child’s feelings models insensitivity for the child, leading the child to relate insensitively with the feelings of others.

Being too rough on a child teaches the child to play too rough with others and to be too rough when handling of objects.

It fosters sloppiness, rudeness, and disrespect for order.

Ignoring children’s feelings teaches them to ignore their own finer sensibilities, including their sense of compassion for others.

Paying attention to your child while correcting or directing child behavior will reveal to you when you are reacting too harshly.

You can then set limits on yourself to avoid responding to child behavior in a hurtful way.

We parents need to set boundaries and sometimes say “No”, even when it deeply displeases the child.

But we need to do this compassionately, with genuine respect for the child’s tender heart.

We need to set boundaries on the child’s behavior to help the child demonstrate and develop responsible behavior patterns.

And we need to set limits on our way of parenting to insure that we consistently honor our child’s feelings.

But it’s easy to become so focused on what the child is doing “wrong” that we overlook the “wrong” way we are attempting to improve the situation.

Remember to pay attention to your child’s feelings when:

  • * Attempt to stop a problematic child behavior
  • * Attempting to direct the child into a behavior


Thus, you demonstrate important parent behavior wisdom: you protect your child’s feelings.

15-year-old Down Syndrome Boy Scales Mount Everest

By Pankaj Sharma   |  Tuesday, April 2nd, 2013

SUCCESS is SURE when one decides to DARE the DISABILITIES.


Gone are the days when disabilities only attracted sympathy and help. Eli Reimer – a 15-year-old Oregon boy and a victim of Down Syndrome – received a bow from the world when he dared his disability and conquered Mount Everest, the highest vertical limit on Earth.


Eli Reimer Conquers Mount Everest despite being suffering from Down Syndrome

Fifteen-year-old Eli Reimer, who suffers from Down syndrome, dared his disability and conquered Mount Everest.


It took him 10 days and almost 70 miles to reach 17,600 feet up Mount Everest in Nepal. What makes this feat extraordinary or rather unbelievable is the fact that the achiever is suffering from Down Syndrome. Down syndrome is a medical condition when a child is born with disabilities that get severe as the child grows.


In addition to hearing and vision impairment, a Down Syndrome patient faces decreased mental activity, poor IQ, and physical weakness. Triumphing Everest, which seems impossible for even a healthy person in the first place, was something unimaginable for a person who faces such challenges.


15-year-old Down Syndrome Boy Scales Mount Everest

Triumphant Eli with Justin Reimer, his proud and ecstatic father, guide, mentor and a co-climber


Justin Reimer, the proud and ecstatic father, guide, mentor and a co-climber, told HLN in an interview, reported the Daily News, “It was surreal. To be standing there at that place and see the smile on Eli’s face and the sense of accomplishment that he had, and the fact that his health was better than any of us at that point … it was humbling, it was inspiring, just an amazing moment.”


The unbelievable feat of Eli Reimer is inspiring not only for those suffering from Down syndrome (in the United States, 691 babies are born each year with this disability) and but also for children across the world. The news made headlines in the media all over the world.


The achievement of Eli Reimer highlights the power of parenting. Eli’s father Justin Reimer, who runs The Elisha Foundation to provide professional and educational support to families with special-needs children, is the source of invincible courage and indomitable strength of the Eli Reimer. He proved that proper love, care, and support can make a disabled or diseased child to achieve what may seem unthinkable even for a healthy person.


A child draws values from his home and parents. Being parents, you play a deciding role in the development of your child. The reason Eli Reimer could conquer the Mount Everest is the continuous company and support of his father during the endeavor.


Every parent can draw motivation and courage from Justin Reimer who transformed limitations into an achievement that created history and a feat that will continue to inspire children.


Inspiring Children

Proper love, care, and support from the parents can make a disabled or diseased child to achieve what may seem unthinkable even for a healthy person.


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