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Child Behavior Wisdom: Protect Your Child’s Feelings

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
Parenting Skills

Do a deed of simple kindness; though its end you may not see, it may reach, like widening ripples, down a long eternity. ~ Joseph Norris

 

Here’s what makes child behavior management so challenging: kids, like adults, want to feel completely free to do as they please and to have what they want when they want it.
 

They don’t want to have to go to bed, wait their turn, forego another piece of candy, put their toys away before moving on to another activity, turn off the video game, come in from playing outside to do their homework, wash their hands before eating.
 

It’s human nature to desire absolute, complete autonomy, without limits.
 

A central human challenge is learning how to deal with limits, even as we strive to overcome them.
 

Responsible parenting certainly includes setting limits on our child’s behavior, at times, because what kid’s want is not always in their best interest.
 

Responsible parenting also requires setting limits on parent behavior.
 

Correcting child behavior too harshly injures the child emotionally.
 

Ironically, overly harsh correction breeds child unruliness.
 

It teaches children to demonstrate cruelty in their relationships.
 

Relating insensitively with a child’s feelings models insensitivity for the child, leading the child to relate insensitively with the feelings of others.
 

Being too rough on a child teaches the child to play too rough with others and to be too rough when handling of objects.
 

It fosters sloppiness, rudeness, and disrespect for order.
 

Ignoring children’s feelings teaches them to ignore their own finer sensibilities, including their sense of compassion for others.
 

Paying attention to your child while correcting or directing child behavior will reveal to you when you are reacting too harshly.
 

You can then set limits on yourself to avoid responding to child behavior in a hurtful way.
 

We parents need to set boundaries and sometimes say “No”, even when it deeply displeases the child.
 

But we need to do this compassionately, with genuine respect for the child’s tender heart.
 

We need to set boundaries on the child’s behavior to help the child demonstrate and develop responsible behavior patterns.
 

And we need to set limits on our way of parenting to insure that we consistently honor our child’s feelings.
 

But it’s easy to become so focused on what the child is doing “wrong” that we overlook the “wrong” way we are attempting to improve the situation.
 

Remember to pay attention to your child’s feelings when:

  • * Attempt to stop a problematic child behavior
  • * Attempting to direct the child into a behavior

 

Thus, you demonstrate important parent behavior wisdom: you protect your child’s feelings.

Little Steps Go A Long Way

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

If parents pass enthusiasm along to their children, they will leave them an estate of incalculable value.
~Thomas Edison

Small steps add up to a big accomplishment.

Child learns from its surroundings.

 

 

We only have right NOW...the future hasn't come yet.

Free the child’s potential, and you will transform him into the world.
~ Maria Montessori

Help Your Child Explore Her Innate Strengths

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry

~ Alvin Price

The love and support of the parents create champions.

Children need your continuous support to prosper and attain success.

 

Spending Time Together Betters Child Parent Relationships

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Friday, March 8th, 2013
Give your child a healthy atmosphere at home.

Family is the first home and parents are first teachers of children.

Spend some happy hours with your children. It will instill wisdom in children and make them good human beings.

Discordant Child Parent Relationship: The Root Of Behavior Problems

By Guest Author   |  Sunday, December 16th, 2012

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Neha

 

As the entire nation mourns the Connecticut tragedy, questions are being raised on the growing discord and tensions in child parent relationships.

Child Parent Relationships

Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence.
~ Plato

 

How a quiet 20-year-old could gun down 20 innocent children, 6 adults, reportedly his own mother and then himself, has left parents horrified, shaken and wondering what went so hopelessly wrong.

 

“I know there’s not a parent in America who doesn’t feel the same overwhelming grief that I do. The majority of those who died today were children, beautiful little kids between five and 10 years old,” President Obama had said in an emotional address. “They had their entire lives ahead of them — birthdays, graduations, weddings, kids of their own.”

 

A lot of soul-searching needs to be done, to understand how deep an influence parents have on their children.

 

Being a parent, you have the most important role to play in shaping your child’s mind, attitude, behavior, values and character. Why would a reclusive boy like Adam Lanza who was described as one “who excelled in academics but apparently not in forming deep friendships” by those who knew him, would resort to such mindless carnage?

 

According to reports in the media, Adam Lanza hardly interacted with anyone, didn’t have a Facebook account, and was “withdrawn but not threatening in any way”.

 

In fact, the school authorities reportedly don’t have a picture of Adam Lanza.

 

The Washington Post quoted Beth Israel, who lived for a time on the same street as the Lanzas, as saying, “Overall, I would just call him a socially awkward kid, I don’t know, shy and quiet. Didn’t really look you in the eye,” Israel said in a telephone interview Friday night. “Just kind of a weird kid, maybe. I can’t tell you any specific incidents why [I thought so],” she said.

 

It should be a matter of concern for any parent. Your child may be shy, introvert and quiet. But being a loner with no friends and virtually no communication with others could be the root of a serious behavior problem and needs a closer attention.

 

Ironically Adam Lanza has an older brother – Ryan Lanza who unlike him, is sociable and successful. As a parent, one has to understand that every child has different needs and must be treated accordingly.

 

Lecturing your child won’t make much of an impact on him unless you develop a connection with your child. Shouting and screaming doesn’t work at all.

 

Being extra demanding or resorting to oppressive discipline can prove counter-productive.

 

If your child’s self-esteem is low and your child lives in a lonely, self-created world, as a parent you need to take immediate corrective measures to address such behavior problems.

 

As your child grows through the years, you have to keep a close watch on how he gets along with others, the type of friends he makes, the kind of toys and games he likes to play and what he thinks, feels, says and shares.

 

Child development means wholesome, healthy growth of your child’s physical, intellectual, attitudinal and emotional wellbeing.

 

A peaceful family life, based on a strong, supportive parent child relationship encourages healthy, happy, soaring success of every family member and in turn ensures a harmonious society.

 

Neha Arora is a promising staff writer at Wisitech InfoSolutions Pvt Ltd. The views expressed here are her own

Have Fun Raising Children

By Noah Brown   |  Thursday, December 13th, 2012

Of course, your kids still need to have a strong parent to help teach them right from wrong, dangerous and safe as well as good and bad but there should also be fun in your child parent relations too. Children tend to drown out negative comments, if they occur too often. Kids are more apt to listen to their parents if they can actually enjoy spending time with them.

Bonding time makes parenting kids much easier because the children are more relaxed with their parents.

Parenting kids is easier if you let yourself have fun and enjoy spending time with them

Remember, there are no cell phones, laptops or handheld video games while camping. Older parents might want to use an air mattress while younger ones might want to “rough it” by sleeping on the ground. The choice is yours as long as you spend the time together, all will be great!

 

Read more http://wisieforkids.wordpress.com/2013/03/13/have-fun-raising-children/

 

5 Tips to Get Your Kid To Sleep in Her Own Bed

By Noah Brown   |  Wednesday, December 12th, 2012

Sometimes, it becomes near-to-impossible task for the parents to convince their child to sleep in their own beds. Eventually the battle concludes with children sharing bedroom space with their parents.

According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), “as many as 24% of parents have their children sleep in their beds for at least part of the night.”

According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), “as many as 24% of parents have their children sleep in their beds for at least part of the night.”

While this child behavior invades the privacy of parents, it also leaves working couples restless and fatigued. Toddlers, preschoolers, or even school-goers across the world importune to sleep in their parents’ bedrooms.

 

Read more: http://marilyncramer1.livejournal.com/

 

 

Parenting Advice to Curb the Habit of Stealing in Kids

By Noah Brown   |  Sunday, November 25th, 2012

Generally children of 5 to 6 years begin to develop conscience at that stage and at times they find it tough to resist their temptation to steal something that they want.

Strictly make your child understand that stealing is wrong and you would not forgive it.

Many children steal because they think that there is nothing wrong about it. Some steal because they want to get attention.

Screaming or slapping your child won’t solve the problem. You need to figure out the root cause and nip it in the bud.

 

Read more: http://wisieforkids.wordpress.com/2012/12/28/parenting-advice-to-curb-the-habit-of-stealing-in-kids/

 

A Calm Way To Achieve Your Parenting Goals

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, November 21st, 2012
Parenting Goals

“If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.” ~ Brian Tracy

When your child resists your attempts to lead, guide or direct his behavior, notice how you handle that.

 

As you improve your handling of the situation you will enjoy more satisfying results with your child.

 

The process usually begins with examining how you are feeling.  Look at your attitude toward your child.

 

To the extent that you feel frustrated, powerless, resentful or insecure when you seem to be out of control of your child, to that extent you actually diminish your ability to constructively direct the situation.

 

The fact is that you can direct your life toward where you want to go – but you may not be able to direct your child’s life in that moment.

 

Focus on maintaining an attitude of calm confidence toward the situation and think about the kind of relationship you really want with your child.

 

The next step is to consider your goal for the situation.  What is it that you really want your child to do?

 

It may be to stop running wildly around the living room.  It may be to display more respectful behavior.  It may be to stop playing too roughly with his sibling.

 

Once you are clear about what you want from your child, the next step is to decide on your best option for bringing it about.

 

A common parenting mistake is to struggle to come up with a reaction to a child behavior problem that will stop their child from behaving in that way for all time.

 

Just focus on accomplishing what you want with your child in the present moment.  During instances when you need control over your child’s behavior in the present, you overload yourself if you expect to come up with a response that will prevent him from ever making this mistake again.

 

When you calmly, confidently consider what you can do in the present situation to produce the outcome you want, you have the best chance of coming up with a constructive idea.

 

When we feel stressed, we block our ability to accurately analyze the situation and formulate solutions.

 

When your child resists your attempts to lead, guide or direct his behavior, remain calm, consider your goal for his behavior and then observe the situation to recognize your best opportunity for achieving that parenting goal.

Improve Child Behavior Without Time-Outs

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, November 1st, 2012
Responsible Parenting

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. ~Bill Cosby

 

There’s lots of talk these days about using “time outs” to improve child behavior.

 

But there is far too little talk about the even more important influence of quality time “IN” with your child.

 

Just spending time with your child, sharing space together, as you remain in a calm and loving state, nurtures your child’s spirit.

 

Your presence provides your child with a sense of security and supports the child’s feeling of being worthy of love.

 

Additionally, your peaceful presence provides your child with the influence of your modeling.

 

As you function in a calm, orderly, intelligent manner around your child, you teach your child to function similarly.

 

Spending a sufficient amount of quality time with your child can help your child to display better self-conduct, and thus diminish the kinds of behavior problems that you might try to solve with time-outs.

 

Time-IN with your child, however, is not automatically constructive.

 

HOW you spend time with your child is just as important as how much time you spend together.

 

If you display much anger and stress, if you over criticize and complain, if display an impatient and disapproving attitude toward your child, your presence disturbs the child in a way that leads the child into disturbing behavior and unhappiness.

 

It’s also possible to be overly placating with a child.  Saying “yes” when you ought to say “no” sets the child up to becoming overly dependent and demanding.

 

Awareness is the most important guide for quality time with our kids.  We need to be attentively aware to recognize the kind of influence we are having on our children.

 

Avoid parenting in an automatic, unconscious way.  Observe your child closely to accurately read his or her feelings and needs.  Children express their needs non-verbally far more than they do so verbally.

 

The more CONSCIOUS time you spend with your child, the better you will understand your child, and from there you can provide your child with the influences and interactions that lead to improved child behavior and beautiful child development.

Parenting Tips: Awaken Parenting Intuition

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, September 10th, 2012

The child behavior that you encounter gives YOU an opportunity to grow.

 

At the heart of raising children is raising ourselves.

 

Raising kids is a learning experience for the parents who look for a way to do a better job.

 

Raising Children

Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.
~ Lady Bird Johnson ~

Ideally, parents and children grow TOGETHER.

 

Parenting help is always available to those parents who want to do better and to feel better in their relationship with their children.

 

You always have access to wise parenting advice WITHIN.

 

Calm down, observe your child, and open your heart and mind to understanding what is happening.  This awakens your PARENTING INTUITION.

 

Your child is really like an open book that you can read.  Just pay calm attention, with a tranquil, trusting heart and open to your inner source of wisdom.

 

You will see what you can do for your child’s good.  Parenting your child is a creative process, for your way of relating with your child influences the development of your child’s personality.

 

When you calmly observe your child with a heart and mind open to your own best inner judgment of what to do about it, you overcome your habitual reaction patterns and demonstrate new and improved parenting skills.  In other words, you raise yourself as you raise your child.

 

Parents want parenting tips from experts, while they have a parenting expert living within them that they overlook when they emotionally react to child behavior.

 

Help for parents who feel stressed out and are at their wits end becomes available when they return to calm confidence.

 

Your child is not responsible for how you react.  To know what to do about your child discipline challenges, practice non-reactivity.

 

Calm down, observe your child and confidently EXPECT that you will receive an idea, an insight, and inspiration that guides you from within.

 

Emotional reactions blind us to the truth.

 

In peace you can understand your child.

 

Raising kids is a learning experience for the parents who calmly pay attention to what is happening.

 

Our children’s challenging behavior calls upon us to grow.

 

Child Behavior: Parenting Skill of Expectation

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, August 24th, 2012
Parenting Skills For Solving Behavior Problems

Too often we give our children answers to remember rather than problems to solve. ~ Roger Lewin

The power of expectation is something that it would be wise for parents to master.

 

When you employ expectation as a parenting skill, you receive great parenting support.

 

In a sense, what you expect from your child is what you will get from your child.

 

But this does not mean that you will not go through some disappointment in your parent-child relationship.

 

Expecting wonderful child behavior from your child helps your child to demonstrate wonderful behavior.

 

But it does NOT necessarily mean that your child’s behavior will immediately match your expectations.

 

The parenting skill of expectation that we parents need to develop is unconditional positive expectation.  Another way of describing this is unconditional faith in our children.

 

When your child behaves in a disturbing way, maintain your faith in your child.

 

Children don’t need their parents to worry about them.  Children need their parents to believe in them.

 

Your belief in your child, your faith in your child, your expectation that your child WILL behave beautifully functions as a positive parenting power that supports the manifestation of your that beautiful behavior.

 

Parenting Skills For Raising Children

“Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.” ~ Alvin Price

Of course, maintaining consistent belief in your child is not the only parenting skill we need to employ to resolve or avoid child behavior problems and to manifest magnificent child conduct.

 

But it is among the most important parenting skills, because the degree to which you feel insecure about your child’s ability to behave well, to that degree you undermine any other efforts you might make in the child-parent relationship.

 

Expecting a child to fail, envisioning a child letting you down, doubting a child’s ability to perform well, worrying about a child misbehaving, causes the power of expectation to work against both parent and child.

 

The vision of the future that you hold in mind, coupled with the emotional attitude you feel toward that vision, directs the manifestation process of your life.

 

Despite past experiences, however tempting it may feel to worry about your child, practice the parenting skill of unconditional positive expectation to support positive child behavior.

 


An Alternative To Saying “No” To Your Kids

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, June 29th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Our parental “job” includes instilling wisdom in our children.

Disciplining Children

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves. ~ C.G. Jung

 

There are good reasons why parents would like to find an alternative to using the word “No” with their children.

 

You don’t want to HAVE to motivate your child to “do the right thing.”

 

Wouldn’t you love sensible ideas to bring as much inspiration to your kids as, say, the idea of shooting off firecrackers?

 

Having to frequently say ‘No’ can make parenting exhausting, and it causes some parents to feel that they are being too negative in the parent-child relationship.

 

If YOU have an issue saying “No”, and you want to instill practical life-wisdom in your child, try instead to tell your child of the reason why and what to do instead.

 

For instance, if your child asks for a second scoop of ice cream, instead of telling him “No”, try saying something like this to lead him to impose positive child discipline upon himself: “That would mean too much sugar, which is not good for the brain. But if you stop requesting another scoop you can have one scoop.”

 

This way of responding resolves the parenting issues of having to say “No” and feeling that you always have to impose boundaries for your child.

 

It ends on a positive note by pointing out what the child CAN have or do. It also helps the child development of understanding that actions have consequences, and to consider the consequences before acting on a desire.

 

Disciplining children is never all that much fun. The sooner our kids can responsibly discipline themselves the better.

 

By providing your child is a simple, brief explanation of what is undesirable about what she wants you actually educate her about what is good for her.

 

At the same time, you motivate your child to cooperate with you by helping her to see the positive outcome of cooperating with you: specifically, not requesting another scoop results in getting one scoop now.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Apply The Parenting Wisdom of Silence

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, April 27th, 2012

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

When it comes to parenting wisdom, no principle may be more important than how we speak to our children.

 

Child Behavior Challenge

Under the influence of a disturbed emotional reaction to a child behavior challenge, we are most likely to say something that negatively impacts child self-esteem, self-confidence and performance.

What we say to our children impacts them deeply.

 

When we feel frustrated with our kids, it’s best to practice the parent wisdom of silence.

 

Under the influence of a disturbed emotional reaction to a child behavior challenge, we are most likely to say something that negatively impacts child self-esteem, self-confidence and performance.

 

What we say to our children forms their mental programming.

 

Telling a child that he never listens, calling a child a slob, labeling your kid selfish or stubborn proves to be a form of self-defeating parenting.

 

Skills in the area of verbal communication help you empower your child.

 

When we feel frustrated our parent-child communication skills are compromised.

 

The next time that you are faced with a child discipline challenge, before you speak, imagine that your child will forever remember what you are about to say.

 

Parenting Wisdom And The Child Behavior Challenge

The next time that you are faced with a child discipline challenge, before you speak, imagine that your child will forever remember what you are about to say

Take a moment to calm down and think about the messages do you WANT your child to remember and live up to?

 

This morning, my 9 year old was making noise while his baby brother slept.

 

I felt like saying, “Why won’t you stop and think about how you are impacting your brother?  He needs his sleep and I don’t want to have to deal with a cranky baby right now! Don’t you care about anyone but yourself?!”

 

But instead of blurting out harsh words, I paused, recognizing I was feeling too upset to speak constructively with my child.

 

So I remained silent.

 

Immediately I realized that all I needed to do was to place my hands on his shoulders and lovingly lead him to a place where his volume would not disturb his brother’s sleep.

 

I’m glad I applied the parenting wisdom of silence to protect his sacred heart.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Solve Child Behavior Problems With Your Inner Parenting Expert

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, March 12th, 2012

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Raising Successful Kids

To raise successful kids, don’t worry about them… BELIEVE in them.

In your quest for great parenting resources, you need look no further than at your own mind.

 

Your own subconscious contains profound answers to your parenting questions.

 

You have a great parenting expert inside of you!

 

To access your own expert parenting advice remember this:

What you envision comes to pass.  This proves true in every area of life, including raising kids.

 

To raise successful kids, don’t worry about them… BELIEVE in them.

 

You will enjoy the results of better parenting by envisioning your child behaving beautifully rather than behaving terribly.

 

When you envision your child as calm, confident, caring and capable, your subconscious responds by guiding you from within, showing you what to do to help your child in line with bringing that wonderful child development outcome about.

 

When we worry about our child’s behavior or character, we mentally picture our child demonstrating behavior problems and character weaknesses in the future.

 

This negative mental vision of the child blocks our subconscious capacity to provide us with wise parenting help for positive child development.  As a consequence of this blockage, we feel powerless, anxious, and out of control in the parent-child relationship.

 

Child Development

You will enjoy the results of better parenting by envisioning your child behaving beautifully rather than behaving terribly.

To employ the power of positive vision for raising children to fulfill their great potential, apply the following positive parenting tip: mentally reverse your child’s behavior problem.

 

For instance, if your child displays too much physical aggression, envision your child calmly behaving in a caring, self-contained manner.

 

If your child displays severe emotional breakdowns on a routine basis, provide your child with behavior help by mentally picturing your child demonstrating terrific emotional balance and healthy self-control.

 

When we worry about our child’s behavior, we envision behavior problems and thus make it harder to raise responsible kids.

 

But to solve or avoid child behavior problems, envision the way you would expect your child to behave if you solved those problems.This is how to access the parenting wisdom of your inner parenting expert.

 

Please feel welcome to share your comments in this blog about this parenting advice, and any questions you have about using the power of mental vision to help your kids display beautiful behavior.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

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Understand The Cause Of Child Behavior Problems

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, February 17th, 2012

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advice for parents

Any number of factors can be contributing to a child behavior problem, and unless those are addressed, giving the child a “time out” or trying any other way that you might punish a child will prove fruitless.

Automatically emotionally reacting to child behavior can be described as the OPPOSITE of parenting wisdom.

 

Mechanically dishing out punishment for children when they display inappropriate behavior is like trying to fix your car’s behavior problem without first understanding the cause – while it may just be out of gas, you might be working on the breaks!

 

Disciplining children whose appropriate behavior stems from the fact that they are not feeling well physically is not all that different of a strategy.

 

When your child’s behavior regresses, before reacting, consider the possibility that he may be “coming down with something.”

 

When it comes to advice for parents, there is really no such thing as  “one size fits all”.

 

Any number of factors can be contributing to a child behavior problem, and unless those are addressed, giving the child a “time out” or trying any other way that you might punish a child will prove fruitless, and may even work against your parenting objectives.

 

If you know that your child is not feeling well physically, realize that it is more difficult, and it may even be impossible, for her to restrain herself from displaying inappropriate behavior – even malicious behavior.

 

And please realize also that you are no different.  When YOU are not feeling well you become more cranky, irritable, and difficult to please.  You don’t treat people as well as you know you should, including – maybe even especially – those you care the most about.

 

Instead of reflexively reacting in a harsh way to behaviors like whining, defiance, vicious sibling rivalry, destructiveness, or emotional fits, consider the cause.

 

It is possible that some influence is actually sapping your child of the power to live up to your expectations.

 

In those instances, being a stern disciplinarian may trigger even more serious behavior problems, because it will add pressure to your child’s already over-taxing condition.

 

The reason why the child who feels unwell physically behaves poorly is because of the influence of his physical condition upon his emotional condition.

 

The more emotional a child feels the more difficult it is to get a child to listen, follow directions and rules, and behave in a considerate fashion.

 

In this situation it is usually best to respond with love, patience and understanding, not fierce discipline, because as you help the child feel better she will be able to do better.

 

When your child is emotional, due to a physical problem or any other provocation, to improve her behavior demonstrate the parenting wisdom of first considering the underlying cause.

 

In this blog, please provide examples of when your child’s physical or emotional condition contributed to a behavior problem, and how you handled it.


And share any questions you have about the cause of any behavior problems you are facing, for parenting advice regarding what to do about them.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Create Great Times With Your Kids

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, February 9th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Children and parents thrive on a positive, creative relationship with one another.

 

Child Behavior Improvement Tip

Child behavior improves when parents engage with their children in loving, creative ways

Child behavior improves when parents engage with their children in loving, creative ways.

 

Parents feel energized, rather than drained, by their time with their kids when they focus on creating great times with them.

 

Raising children becomes easier, more fun and produces better behaved children when parents work on making their time with their kids interesting, exciting and pleasant.

 

When parents see children as wild creatures they need to control, instead of as wonderful partners in creating joyful times together, parenting feels more like a burden than a blessing.

 

Raising kids well takes work, but remember to work at making every moment with your child a positively engaging experience for you both.

 

Parenting skills should not just be about disciplining children.  They need to be about coming up with clever ways of being with the child and leading the child through joyful acts of bonding.

 

Parenting Tips:

1. Don’t just tell your child what to do.  Think up a playful way to lead.  For instance, if you need to turn off the TV because your child has been watching long enough, dance and sing as you do it, to see if you can get a smile instead of a frown.

 

2. Does your child resist bedtime?  Make it part of your PARENT discipline to remain loving, and to find new and creative ways to start bedtime each evening.  For instance, you might bend over and speak to your child with your head upside down.  You might race your child to his bed.

 

3. Brainstorm with your spouse, or even with your child, to come up with fun, creative ways to lead your child into responsible behavior.

 

Passive parenting is so much more fun than stern, serious parenting.

Would you like to receive some creative, fun ideas for handling a child behavior problem?

Share them in this blog to receive some creative, fun AND PRACTICAL parenting tips.

 

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Being Patient With Inappropriate Child Behavior

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

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This blog post is about the wisdom of patient parenting.

 

Wisdom Of Patient Parenting With Inappropriate Child Behavior

For parenting your child with wisdom, you sometimes have to be patient with NOT KNOWING what to do about a child discipline challenge

To follow the guidance of wisdom with our children often requires patience.

 

For instance, you may not know exactly what it will take from you to motivate your child to, say, eat with utensils instead of with his fingers, to seriously apply herself to homework, to stop screaming out in public.

 

Wisdom comes with a flash of inspiration, but kids often catch us off guard with a surprising behavior.

 

A problem, for instance a child telling lies, can come out of the blue.

 

You have a parenting expert within you, an inner parenting guide that can lead you.

 

But the parenting guidance you need may not always arrive as quickly as you want it to.

 

Wisdom follows a rhythmic, cyclic pattern like all organic processes.

 

It blooms at times, but at other times it seems to lie dormant.  At those times, we just don’t know what to do to be successful parents, to help our children fulfill their great potential.

 

You don’t have to know all the answers right away to be a good parent. If that was necessary, there would be no good parents!

 

For parenting your child with wisdom, you sometimes have to be patient with NOT KNOWING what to do about a child discipline challenge.

 

Remain calm, even while your child behaves inappropriately, with your mind open and alert to recognize the dawning of a positive parenting strategy.

 

Try not to worry about your child drawing the conclusion that you approve of his unacceptable behavior.  That will only stress you out, and when you feel stress you make child behavior problems more difficult, if not impossible, for you to solve.

 

Some child behavior solutions can take months to solve!  Some behaviors remain beyond our parental control, and we simply have to endure the problem, without making it worse, until the child outgrows it.

 

Patience means trusting the time it takes for wisdom’s inner guidance to lead you.

 

Passive parenting means you do less than you can to help your child develop responsible behavior.

Patient parenting means that you avoid reacting hastily, and await and follow wisdom’s guidance.

What challenging behaviors does your child demonstrate that you feel clueless about solving?

Share them in this blog to receive some practical suggestions.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

How To Parent Wisely When You Are Feeling Down

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

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How we feel around children impacts how children behave.

 

Our feelings radiate. Our kids read our feelings, absorb our feelings, and soon feel the way that we feel.

 

If we feel depressed, feel anxious, feel inadequate, feel frustrated around a child on a consistent basis, the child may develop a similar, unhealthy emotional pattern.

 

If we consistently feel emotionally balanced, feel inspired, feel self-confident, feel secure, feel calm, feel loving, we naturally instill positive emotional qualities in our child’s emotional development.

Parent Wisely For Healthy Child Behavior

Our feelings radiate. Our kids read our feelings, absorb our feelings, and soon feel the way that we feel

Not only is it compassionate to nurture the child-heart with joy.

 

Children behave better when they feel happy than when they feel unhappy.

 

And if a child behaves poorly repeatedly due to an emotional problem, that can turn into a deep-rooted child discipline problem.

 

To protect children from developing emotional problems and behavior problems, and to provide them with the positive parenting influence that supports their happy success, we parents need to parent with joy, parent with love and parent with emotional stability.

 

But displaying perfect parenting is impossible.  For instance, I spent the other day with my almost 3-year old.  Just a dad and his son. But I was feeling depressed about something.

 

It was hard for me to smile with sincerity.

 

I could see that my child’s mood was lowering in response to my low mood, but there was not a thing I could think of doing that would instantly solve my child’s problem.

 

Covering up my feelings and trying to pretend that I feel great would just model a pattern of repressing feelings and emotional dishonesty, something no wise parenting model includes.

 

I learned a while back that the big mistake we make when we are feeling sad, feeling discouraged or feeling anxious is to try to change external circumstances to gain emotional freedom.

 

What it takes is looking within, until we identify the THOUGHTS about ourselves or about our circumstances that keep us feeling badly.

 

By accepting my feelings, and looking into my mind for the negative thinking that causes them, I gain real emotional freedom.

 

But that is not an instantaneous process.  In the meantime the mood and behavior of my child is suffering from my influence.

 

But that was the best parenting I could do at the time.

 

And I did not beat myself up over the fact that I was not able to demonstrate perfect parenting, because that would have only compounded my negativity.

 

Sometimes we just have to trust our own best parenting wisdom, and model for our children how to grow into a better person.

 

 

Do YOU have any parenting tips for parents when they feel down?

Share your thoughts and questions in this blog about wise parenting under the influence of a low emotion.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Help Your Child Outgrow Behavior Problems

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, January 5th, 2012

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Understanding Child Behavior

If you expect your child to behave so perfectly all the time that you never feel challenged, perplexed or overwhelmed, you expectation is overly optimistic

Child behavior problems or challenges are unavoidable.

If you expect your child to behave so perfectly all the time that you never feel challenged, perplexed or overwhelmed, you expectation is overly optimistic.

Children DO test us, and in surprising ways.

However wonderful your child may USUALLY behavior, whatever magnificent character she very often displays, her behavior will at times surprise you with a problem behavior you did not expect.

Two valuable tips for parents include:

  1. As part of your personal parenting strategy, be psychologically prepared to feel challenged by the way that your child behaves.
  1. Understand that child behavior is not permanent.  If we respond properly to a behavior problem, the child develops beyond it in a short time.

In my parenting classes, parents seek advice on how to handle everyday parenting challenges like sibling rivalry, bedtime issues, setting rules, establishing boundaries, child aggression, talking back disrespectfully, teaching politeness, encouraging honesty, etc.

But underneath their parenting questions I can see that at some level they often seem to feel that their child should NOT be presenting them with these problems; that children SHOULD behave well.

Adjusting expectations to be realistic is fundamental for any successful parent strategy.

When your child displays a problematic behavior, it does not mean that you are an inadequate parent and it does not mean that your child essentially wrong or bad for behaving in a disturbing way.

It means that you are encountering the reality of parenting.

Our parental responsibility, when it comes to child behavior management or child discipline, is to respond to the behavior in a way that supports the positive behavior changes that we want, and that avoids causing the child to become stuck in a problem behavior pattern.

Parenting Tips to help your child outgrow inappropriate self-conduct:
1. When you react to a behavior with much anger and stress you risk blocking the child from outgrowing that behavior.  This is because your emotional intensity indices child defensiveness.
2. Remaining calm, consider the sort of response your child needs from you to improve his or her behavior.
3. If you don’t know what to do, remain calm and patient. The child may most quickly outgrow the behavior without your intervention.

 

Share your experiences, thoughts and questions regarding this strategy for successfully dealing with child behavior in this blog.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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