Home > Wisie Blog > Posts

Archive for the ‘Parenting Advice’ Category

Parenting Help: Childhood Needs to be Nurtured

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Thursday, March 28th, 2013

“There was no need for a term like ‘magical thinking’ in the Golden Age of Man…there was only genuine everyday magic and mysticism. Children were not mocked or scolded in those days for singing to the rain or talking to the wind.”
― Anthon St. Maarten

Children dream with their eyes open

Parenting Tips: There are a million dreams in a child’s eyes. Nurture them with your love.

 

 

 

Parenting Advice: Don't let your child's innocence lost in your aspirations.

“You have to love your children unselfishly. That is hard. But it is the only way.”
~ Barbara Bush

Powerful Parenting Success Principles

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

When we operate from the belief that our parenting success depends upon getting our child to do what we want, parenting becomes draining and frustrating.

 

Parenting children

Concentrate on doing the right thing when interacting with your child. Be the example you would want your child to follow.

While it SEEMS that our child’s resistance to our direction makes the child-parent relationship difficult, it is this underlying belief that is the true cause.

 

This belief fosters an attitude of parent helplessness and dependency upon the child.

 

In other words, it makes the child in charge and leaves us feeling powerless.

 

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you learned that your success and satisfaction in parenting depended only on your application of certain principles that  guarantee the positive results you are after?

 

The fact is that such principles do in fact exist, and those who experience the most satisfaction and success with their children, with the least wasted effort, conflict and stress, adhere to these principles in their child-parent relationship.

 

One great pleasure of relying on these principles is the feeling of independence.  You no longer feel dependent upon your child’s will or whim.

 

You don’t feel desperate to gain your child’s agreement.  You don’t worry about losing control of your child.

 

You don’t have to engage in straining power-struggles to force cooperation or compliance.

 

You know that you only have to focus on what YOU are doing, in the now, to perpetuate the progress you want to make.

 

So what are these powerful parenting success principles?

 

There are many.  The foundation principal on which the rest rely is simply the principle that states: Awareness Leads To Control.

 

To increase your success without stress with your children, make it your daily practice to refine your action’s alignment with awareness in the now.

 

In this context, the word “action” does not only apply to your physical actions.  It applies to your mental and emotional activity as well.  It applies to what you say, when you say it, and how you say it.  It applies to the activity of your attention or to what you choose to pay attention to in the now.

 

As you simply PRACTICE being more aware in the now, you will begin recognize more and more clearly ways that you can shift, change or refine your emotional responses, actions, speech and thoughts to more easily achieve what you want with your child.

 

Help Your Child Explore Her Innate Strengths

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry

~ Alvin Price

The love and support of the parents create champions.

Children need your continuous support to prosper and attain success.

 

You Can’t Buy Child Discipline

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, March 5th, 2013

The News recently reported that a dad paid his 14 year-old daughter $200 to stay off Facebook for 5 months. But you can’t buy child discipline.
 
This “incentive plan” is of course reserved for those who can afford it. But it also sounds like a lot of money to pay a 14-year-old to follow reasonable, healthy and responsible house-rules.
 
Minimizing your child’s Internet social networking may actually decrease the risk of your child developing social difficulties, because unsupervised Internet social networking may impede the development of a child’s social skills.
 

Parenting Quotes On Discipline

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~ Abigail Van Buren


 
While social networking, there is a tendency to relate with an excess of bravado behind the “shield” of a computer screen. This may not only produce social problems for the teen, it can form into a pattern of arrogance or even cruelty demonstrated in“real life”relating.
 
Excessive social networking may also cause real life relationship situations to feeling overwhelming and intimidating because there is so much more going on in face-to-face interactions.
 
Another social challenge may emerge when the teen realizes that the persona she has cultivated over the internet feels too threatening to express in real life.
 
Additionally, spending too much time lost in “internet land” can diminish motivation for more active, real life pursuits, become an escape from facing real life challenges, and develop a pattern of disengagement from one’s actual environment and from the sensitivities of the people in it.
 
So the question is, what is this dad’s motivation? Has his daughter been abusing her Facebook privilege in some way? Has she been spending more time on Facebook than he believes she should?
 
Has he discovered her engaging in inappropriate Internet conversation? Has she been failing to fulfill her responsibilities? Has her mood or attitude become problematic?
 
If he has reason to suspect that she needs to curtail the amount of time she spends on Facebook, then he needs to establish clear guidelines defining when and how much time she is permitted to be on Facebook, and define the quality of her Facebook conversation that is permissible.
 
Then he needs to define the responsible behaviors that she needs to demonstrate beyond her activity on Facebook.
 
He might say to her, “If your grades are great, if you are relating with your mom and me respectfully, if you are doing your homework, keeping your room neat and clean and helping out around the house, you can use Facebook within the parameters I’ve defined.”
 
To further protect his daughter from excessive “Facebooking”, he can establish clearly that he has unlimited access to her Internet activity.
 
This is not an expression of distrust or disrespect, but rather, it is really necessary to protect his teen against Internet bullying, Internet predators and the natural tendency of a young person to experiment with impropriety.
 
His decision to pay her, rather than to impose a caring and reasonable child discipline structure, suggests a possible personal pattern of throwing money at problems instead of really addressing them.
 
This would constitute a form of emotionally absent parenting that can drive children into high-risk behavior out of rebellion and poor self-esteem.
 
In sum,this dad’s financial solution may keep his daughter off Facebook for a few months, but it may reinforce even more serious child discipline problems in the process.
 
Inspirational Children Quotes

Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes. ~ Chinese Proverb


 

Helping Your Child Overcome a Fear of the Dentist

By Guest Author   |  Monday, December 10th, 2012

There is something about lying helplessly on a chair amid glaring lights, unfamiliar sights, and nerve-wracking sounds in the dentist’s office that turns even the most macho of men into nervous cowards.

 

parenting kids without fear

A positive attitude of both parents and the dentist makes your child feel comfortable in the dentist chair.

If the dentist can cause adults to shake in their boots, how do you think the younger folks among us feel?

 

Parents of small children know the effort it can take to get children to cooperate at the dentist, especially if previous visits were not the best of experiences.

 

If you have kids, the last thing you want to do is create a habit of perpetual fear that makes going to the dentist a dreaded occasion for everyone involved. A successful first visit can set the stage for a lifetime of positive dental experiences.

 

Start Early

 

Early dental attention is important to dental health throughout one’s life. In addition, early trips to the dentist can help a parent know how best to care for her child’s teeth.

 

One of the biggest mistakes a parent can make is putting off the child’s first dental visit until an issue arises that needs attention. If the first trip to the dentist involves pain and discomfort, the child learns that the dentist’s office is an unpleasant place to be.

 

Early visits to the dentist can be a fun experience for your child, especially if you choose a dentist that specializes in pediatric care. Such dental offices are prepared to make dental appointments a positive experience for your child.

 

Many dentists are joining the ADA in recommending a first visit to the dentist by age 1 in order to catch any early problems and to start kids on the path to appreciating a healthy mouth.

 

Choose Well

 

Finding a dentist for your child is an important task. The attitude of the dentist and his staff has the possibility of affecting your child’s dental experiences for the rest of his life. Some helpful ideas for selecting a dentist include:

 

  • Recommendations – Ask other parents about their kids’ dentists. Word of mouth is a great way to find out who is good and who to avoid.
  • Tour – Once you have narrowed down your choices, stop in for a tour of the office. Child-friendly dental offices should feature bright colors, child-size seats, exciting decorations, and child-appropriate teaching materials.
  • Check Credentials – A quick call to the state licensing board or the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry (AAPD) will ensure that the dentist of your choice has the proper licenses to practice in the field of pediatric dentistry. In addition, you may want to make a call to the dental office to find out how long the dentist has been practicing, both as a dentist and as a child-specialized dentist.

 

Parents Make a Difference

 

There are many things a parent can do to make dental experiences more enjoyable for children. Children pick up on the attitudes of their parents, whether positive or negative. Here are some great tips for you as a parent:

 

  • Don’t tell scary stories – If you have had bad experiences at the dentist, your child does not need to hear about them.
  • Go first – If possible, schedule an appointment to see the dentist right before your child. This may not always be possible with pediatric dentists, but it boosts confidence considerably to see mom or dad happily survive his time in the scary-looking chair.
  • Keep it honest – Don’t tell your children that it won’t hurt or that nothing is going to happen. If they do end up experiencing any pain, they will lose confidence in your word regarding future visits.

 

Meg Jones enjoys the opportunity to write about family and home issues, especially when it comes to nurturing children.  If you are looking for a Dover dentist, there are many very fine care centers available that specialize in working with children.

Seven Surprisingly Common Parenting Mistakes

By Guest Author   |  Thursday, November 29th, 2012

(Editor’s Note: This is a guest blog by Sharon Anderson, a prolific writer on parenting advice and a very warm and affectionate person)

Parenting children with discipline

If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much. ~ Jackie Kennedy

 

Perfect parents are as fictional as Santa Claus. If you’re a parent, or will be one soon, you are going to make mistakes. Trying to change this fact is a pointless endeavor.

 

The only thing that any parent can do is try to minimize the number that they make. Here are seven of the most common parenting mistakes. How many have you made?

 

Trying to be a Friend

 

It’s pretty common for a parent to want to be their child’s friend but when it comes down to it, your child needs a parent, not a friend. Your role as a parent is to provide structure, rules and a shoulder to cry on. It’s very difficult to be viewed as both a friend and an authority figure. And unfortunately, it’s the latter that your child needs the most.

 

Talking too Much

 

Learning when to talk and when to stay silent is a parenting skill that can take years to master. When your child isn’t listening to you, what you say is pretty much the definition of irrelevant. Learn to recognise such situations and try to find the self control to keep your words of wisdom for a time when they will actually be listened to.

 

Pushing High Expectations

 

There’s nothing wrong with encouraging your child to do well at school but there is a line. And when you cross that line, your words of encouragement can actually prove the opposite of motivating. Encourage your child to study but don’t tell him/her that you expect certain grades.

 

Comparing Siblings

 

If you have two or more children, it’s important to keep the comparisons between them to a minimum. Even subtle comparisons have the capacity to lead to long term insecurities. If one of your children is smarter than the other, keep that fact to yourself. Unconditional love is particularly important when there’s more than one child in the house.

 

Not Picking Your Battles

 

Saying yes to everything your child asks for obviously isn’t feasible but a little bit of leeway can go a long way towards keeping arguments to a minimum. Letting your child stay up all night obviously isn’t good parenting but is an extra twenty minutes on front of the television really worth an argument? Sometimes saying no simply isn’t worth it.

 

Right Words, Wrong Actions

 

If you want to instil certain values into your children, you need to demonstrate those values yourself. Saying one thing and doing another is not how you teach a child anything. If you don’t want your child to swear, keep your own swear words to a minimum.

 

Being too Helpful

 

It might be tempting to make things as easy as possible for your child but doing so isn’t going to benefit him/her in the long term. A child has many lessons to learn and most of those lessons are easiest learnt through experience. It’s important for you to be there for your child but don’t allow yourself to be the solution to every one of their problems.

 

Sharon Anderson, the writer of this article is a very warm and affectionate person. She is currently working with Country cubbies, who sell a wide range of different cubby houses and play forts.

Parenting Advice For Raising Successful Children

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, October 12th, 2012
Positive Inspiration For Raising Kids

In our hurry to be a perfect parent, we risk excessive discipline or over indulgence. Keep the balance. Be a parent, friend, guide and mentor to your child.

When we react to child behavior with anger, stress and strain, we may be trying too hard to help our children succeed in living up to our expectations.

 

We parents want our children to follow our rules, but the parenting strategy we employ to make that happen may undermine our objective, cause us pointless parent frustration and cause the child needless suffering.

 

Reacting with impatience and anger to motivate your child to do as you say makes parenting children a miserable strain and drain AND it doesn’t really work.

 

While routinely reacting to a child’s lapse in behavior with harsh, angry criticism, pitiful complaining and intimidating demands is a common parenting strategy, it can undermine the child’s ability to succeed in life.

 

You may get your child to comply with your demand by yelling, threatening or complaining in extreme frustration, but the intense dissatisfaction you express erodes the child’s self-confidence and self-esteem.

 

This emotional erosion not only causes the child needless suffering, it ends up lowering the child’s ability to perform and ends up worsening the child’s behavior problem in the long run.

 

Raising kids who are self-motivated to be successful requires that we honor their need to believe in themselves.

 

When children believe in themselves, they feel motivated to do their best to live up to their parent’s positive expectations, as well as the expectations of teachers. 

 

Build Self Confidence In Children

Love your children the way they are. Each child is unique, each child is special.

They see themselves capable of succeeding, and this can develop into a long term pattern of positive motivation.

 

When a child sees himself as capable of succeeding, the child has the motivation to do what it takes to succeed.

 

So the parent advice we need is how to constructively and compassionately lead children into higher performance.

 

The answer is for the parent to lose the habit of angry criticism and complaining.  Replace it with closer supervision and more constructive involvement in the parent child relationship.

 

Calmly guide your child to follow the rule that he breaks.  Each time that you help her to successfully follow the rule her self-discipline grows stronger.

 

Pro-actively engage the child in, say, flushing the toilet, turning off the light when he leaves the room, closing his drawers, cleaning up his mess before moving into another activity, instead of impatiently criticizing, complaining or blowing your top.

 

When you see her about to, say, use her fingers to eat her pasta, remind her to use her fork.  When she follows the rule, even with your help, she see’s herself succeeding.  You can nurture her self-esteem further by saying something like, “Good work.”

 

Each time you give your child the help he needs to succeed, your child receives a “training” that develops his drive and commitment to success.

 

Admittedly, following this parenting advice for raising successful children takes work, but it is proves less taxing and far more constructive, than relying on reactions of extreme harshness.

 

Encourage Your Child For Fair Play

By Noah Brown   |  Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

The first lessons begin at home, from parents, by observing and following people who are in the immediate environment.

Whatever a child learns in his childhood, it leaves a permanent impression on his memory.

“Victory isn’t defined by wins or losses. It is defined by effort. If you can truthfully say, ‘I did the best I could, I gave everything I had,’ then you’re a winner.”
– Wolfgang Schadler

Hence, parents need to be doubly careful when raising children on what kind of a home environment they are providing their children.

 

Read more: http://wisieforkids.wordpress.com/2013/01/22/encourage-your-child-for-fair-play/

 

 

Parenting Tips: Awaken Parenting Intuition

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, September 10th, 2012

The child behavior that you encounter gives YOU an opportunity to grow.

 

At the heart of raising children is raising ourselves.

 

Raising kids is a learning experience for the parents who look for a way to do a better job.

 

Raising Children

Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.
~ Lady Bird Johnson ~

Ideally, parents and children grow TOGETHER.

 

Parenting help is always available to those parents who want to do better and to feel better in their relationship with their children.

 

You always have access to wise parenting advice WITHIN.

 

Calm down, observe your child, and open your heart and mind to understanding what is happening.  This awakens your PARENTING INTUITION.

 

Your child is really like an open book that you can read.  Just pay calm attention, with a tranquil, trusting heart and open to your inner source of wisdom.

 

You will see what you can do for your child’s good.  Parenting your child is a creative process, for your way of relating with your child influences the development of your child’s personality.

 

When you calmly observe your child with a heart and mind open to your own best inner judgment of what to do about it, you overcome your habitual reaction patterns and demonstrate new and improved parenting skills.  In other words, you raise yourself as you raise your child.

 

Parents want parenting tips from experts, while they have a parenting expert living within them that they overlook when they emotionally react to child behavior.

 

Help for parents who feel stressed out and are at their wits end becomes available when they return to calm confidence.

 

Your child is not responsible for how you react.  To know what to do about your child discipline challenges, practice non-reactivity.

 

Calm down, observe your child and confidently EXPECT that you will receive an idea, an insight, and inspiration that guides you from within.

 

Emotional reactions blind us to the truth.

 

In peace you can understand your child.

 

Raising kids is a learning experience for the parents who calmly pay attention to what is happening.

 

Our children’s challenging behavior calls upon us to grow.

 

Parenting Advice: Stay Connected With Your Children

By Noah Brown   |  Friday, September 7th, 2012

Does your child display anger and agitation at public places? Check out this useful advice on parenting!

 

(Editor’s Note: This is a guest blog by Noah Brown, a prolific freelance writer who writes extensively on advice for parents, child behavior and parent child relationship issues.)

 

Good Parenting

Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each. ~ Plato

Anyone who has ever witnessed poor child behavior in a public place automatically looks at the parents as if they simply allow the child to run amuck and do whatever he pleases. In many cases, parents find it difficult to correct a misbehaving child without yelling or hitting.

 

Most working parents leave raising their child up to a daycare, babysitters, and nannies or even to the teachers at school. The truth is that there is no person in the world who can raise your kid better than you.

 

If you have to go off to work to support your family, rules must be set for the kids as well as their caretakers. By following this parenting advice, you will not only see a great improvement in child behavior but also grow stronger and closer child parent relationships.

 

Those Terrible Tantrums

One of the most nerve wracking child behavior problems that a parent must endure is tantrums. A lot of people think that tantrums are a normal part of child development but they are wrong. Kids throw temper tantrums to get what they want and to control their parents.

 

It is essential that you find a solution and get expert parenting advice to improve this child behavior immediately. You should calmly and quietly inform the children that if they do not stop misbehaving, they will go into time out or lose other privileges such as their favorite TV show or a special toy.

 

If the child behavior does not improve, follow through with the time out or sanctions. It enables you to teach the child that you are the authority figure. He will learn to respect you and eventually the child parent relationships grow stronger.

 

Don’t Feed the Finicky

 

Children use to dominate the dinner menu by refusing to eat what is on the table. Many parents, especially working parents who lack good parenting skills simply give in and whip up chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese rather than teaching the kids to eat the meal that has been prepared for the family. You must put your foot down and make them eat their meals.

 

Should they choose not to eat, send them to bed and wrap the meal for the following day. The child will learn to eat what is available. Knowing that you won’t back down will show the child that you mean business and he will learn to obey you.

 

Handling Homework Troubles

Nearly every grade school kid tries to avoid doing their homework. This is a common child behavior however; it must be corrected as your child’s education is of the utmost importance. It’s best to set aside a specific time for getting homework completed. Your child might tell you that he has no homework and expect to go out to play. This should never happen.

 

When a child tells their parents they don’t have homework, the parents need to realize that they may or may not be telling the truth. The scheduled time for homework should always be utilized for education. If there is no homework on a given day, the child should spend the time studying or preparing themselves for the next lesson.

 

Working parents should hold fast to this schedule as making time to meet with teachers can be difficult as well as problematic for your employer. Once the child understands that this time is always dedicated to his studies, their homework will never be undone, according to child behavior counselors.

 

Showing the child you are concerned about his education is a very important element of good parenting and an effective technique for inspiring children.

 

When It Is Wise To Ignore Your Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Saturday, June 23rd, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

To skillfully support child development, remember that there is a time for responding to your child and a time for NOT responding.

support child development

One key for raising children toward self-reliance is the parenting practice of being just responsive enough

If we are not responsive enough, we lose parental control as our child grows frustrated.

 

This is because and a frustrated child (like a frustrated adult) cannot help but slip into some form of behavior problem.

We teach our children, and the education may prove negative, through the way that we respond to our kids.

 

Being too non-responsive not only frustrates the child with the sense of denied parent access. It teaches the child, through our modeling, to BE non-responsive. This may manifest as the child not “listening” and being generally inattentive.

 

But, while a sufficient amount of parental involvement is crucial for positive child development and child behavior, it is also possible to be TOO responsive with a child.

 

If we respond automatically to a child’s request (or demand) for our attention, assistance or cooperation we demonstrate a weak form of child behavior management that actually trains the child to be overly demanding.

 

We also needlessly exhaust ourselves through the form of excessive parent involvement that we can describe as being overly responsive.

 

Help for parents who over-stress themselves through excessive responsiveness arrives as they apply the self-help wisdom of being more conscious in parenting.

 

Sometimes it is better to not respond as a means of teaching the child that the behavior she is using to get our response is unacceptable.

 

One key for raising children toward self-reliance is the parenting practice of being just responsive enough.

 

Be aware during your parent-child interactions to avoid automatically reacting to your child without first pausing to determine if reacting in the way that you are about to react is really wise right now.

 

If you HABITUALLY respond when your child demands your attention, you produce your own frustration and lead your child toward the relationship problems that stem from being overly demanding.

 

Don’t blame your child for this.  Realize that your reactions of stress and strain are NOT your child’s responsibility.  How you react is YOUR responsibility.

 

Practice the parenting wisdom of more CONSCIOUS parenting to more alertly recognize when you need to respond, and when you need to deliberately NOT respond to your child, for the best parenting results and experiences.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Good Parenting – Teaching The Simple Values

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Friday, June 1st, 2012
Inspiring Children
Appreciation can make a day – even change a life. ~ Margaret Cousins
Parenting Help

Nobody gets tired of hearing the words "I love you". Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you at every opportunity.

Parenting Tips

When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food, and the joy of living. ~ Tecumseh

 

Some Of The Most Powerful Parenting Advice

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, May 31st, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Child Parent Relationships

Close observation of the child is among the most essential parenting skills for improving child behavior

Children are their parents!

 

More specifically, how a child behaves, the child’s mood patterns, attitudes, ways of communicating and emotionally reacting – even thought patterns -  all reflect their parents to a significant extent.

 

In a sense, raising children means raising ourselves.

 

In my parenting classes, parents quickly realize how their children’s behavior problems demonstrate behaviors those parents themselves have modeled.

 

Some of the most powerful parenting advice that can be delivered is to observe your child closely to recognize the ways that his or her behavior reveals how YOU need to change.

 

Close observation of the child is among the most essential parenting skills for improving child behavior.

 

When you really see how a problem behavior displayed by your child replicates a pattern of your own, you hold the key to leading the child into improved behavior.

 

For instance, one parent observed that her child loses her emotional balance too easily and frequently, leading the child into wild, destructive, rebellious behavior.

 

This parent recognized the same tendency (or weakness) of emotional imbalance in herself, and then set to work on getting a better handle on it.

 

As this mother progressed in her self-work, she found her daughter’s self-control improving.

 

This mother realized that she didn’t really need parents tips for controlling her child – she needed self-work for improving her own self-control.

 

The fact that children become like their parents does not have to cause parents to blame and feel badly about themselves when their children misbehave.  All that would accomplish is de-motivate them to even try to do better.  And that, by extension, would do the opposite of motivating their children to do better.

 

Apply some of the most powerful parenting advice by observing your child with the aim of recognizing ways that you can raise yourself… for your child.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Apply The Parenting Wisdom of Silence

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, May 31st, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Parenting Tips

The next time that you are faced with a child discipline challenge, before you speak, imagine that your child will forever remember what you are about to say.

 

When it comes to parenting wisdom, no principle may be more important than how we speak to our children.

 

What we say to our children impacts them deeply.

 

When we feel frustrated with our kids, it’s best to practice the parent wisdom of silence.

 

Under the influence of a disturbed emotional reaction to a child behavior challenge, we are most likely to say something that negatively impacts child self-esteem, self-confidence and performance.

 

What we say to our children forms their mental programming.

 

Telling a child that he never listens, calling a child a slob, labeling your kid selfish or stubborn proves to be a form of self-defeating parenting.

 

Skills in the area of verbal communication help you empower your child.

 

When we feel frustrated our parent-child communication skills are compromised.

 

The next time that you are faced with a child discipline challenge, before you speak, imagine that your child will forever remember what you are about to say.

 

Take a moment to calm down and think about the messages do you WANT your child to remember and live up to?

 

This morning, my 9 year old was making noise while his baby brother slept.

 

I felt like saying, “Why won’t you stop and think about how you are impacting your brother? He needs his sleep and I don’t want to have to deal with a cranky baby right now! Don’t you care about anyone but yourself?!”

 

But instead of blurting out harsh words, I paused, recognizing I was feeling too upset to speak constructively with my child.

 

So I remained silent.

 

Immediately I realized that all I needed to do was to place my hands on his shoulders and lovingly lead him to a place where his volume would not disturb his brother’s sleep.

 

I’m glad I applied the parenting wisdom of silence to protect his sacred heart.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

How To Raise A Wise Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Follow Parenting Wisdom With Your Child

Wisdom guides mastery in all fields of endeavor, including parenting.

To follow parenting wisdom with your child means that you are connecting with your own positive, loving and intelligent intuitive inner guidance.

 

You need to be calm, emotionally balanced, and aware in the now for this to happen.

 

When parents begin feeling frustrated in their efforts to control their child, they break their internal connection with the inner wisdom that can guide them toward healthier, happier parenting success.

 

For instance, if you begin feeling annoyed when your child interrupts your work or demands your attention while you are on the phone, your stressful reaction prevents you from handling the situation as well as you can, from producing the results that you really want.

 

Every parent needs to MASTER the experience of being distracted, to stay sane, content, and constructive.

 

Wisdom guides mastery in all fields of endeavor, including parenting.

 

Wisdom is an inspired state of consciousness that nurtures the soul.

 

When you demonstrate parenting wisdom in your relationship with your child, your inner, harmonious, enlightened state radiates, reaching and nurturing your child’s inner life with those same qualities, producing a happier, more loving and wise child.

 

Parents who complain that their children are too wild would do well to consider this way of helping their children to be more wise.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Parenting Advice For How To Be A “Lucky Parent”

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

child behavior and child development

The fact is that parent-success is not a matter of luck. Parenting well produces well-behaved children.

The other day someone said to me, “You are really lucky with your 9 year old son. He behaves wonderfully because he came out as a very special child.”

 

My response was, “In my 25 years of teaching parenting skills, I’ve never seen a child who did NOT express the same beautiful spirit you are referring to in my child. But as the parent influences the child development process through the quality of the parent-child relationship, a very ‘difficult child’ may be the result.”

 

Largely because of my deep studies of and our shared interest in child behavior and child development my wife and I have practiced very conscious parenting.

 

The core of our “parenting style” has been to honor our children’s sacred heart, to relate compassionately with their feelings, even when we need to firmly establish a boundary.

 

In the course of my professional parenting education practice I have seen countless moms and dads making serious and all too common parenting mistakes that engendered destructive behavior and emotional problems in their child’s development process.”

 

One core purpose behind my positive parenting classes and the conscious approach to child discipline that I teach is to help parents understand how to AVOID raising kids in ways that produce emotional difficulties and behavior problems.

 

The fact is that parent-success is not a matter of luck.   Parenting well produces well-behaved children.  You can always find problematic parenting practices occurring in the history of children who demonstrate seriously problematic behavior.

 

But there are those prefer to believe that how a kid behaves is a matter of pure luck.  They adhere to this view, perhaps, because it absolves them from a painful sense of responsibility for their children’s problems.

 

Anyone who counts on luck to succeed usually ends up unsuccessful.  This applies to parenting success as well to every other area of life.

 

Better Parenting For Healthy Child Behavior

Be the ray of light as parents to help your kids sparkle and shine

To be among the “lucky parents” you might begin by paying closer attention to your child’s feelings during your parent-child interactions.

 

Keep your heart open and sensitive to your child’s deepest feelings, instead of reacting to child discipline problems with anger and stress.

 

As you begin nurturing your child’s tender heart through more conscious, compassionate parenting you will raise a happier child who displays more beautiful behavior.

 

Do YOU believe that parenting success is really just a matter of luck?

Help struggling parents, and those who believe that better parenting skills produce better-behaved children, by sharing in this blog some of the parenting mistakes you feel that you have made, and what you wish you had done instead.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Pin It

Raising Children Positively: Correcting Children Correctly

By Bob Lancer   |  Sunday, January 22nd, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


When it comes to raising children, how we respond to child behavior is so important.

 

Recognizing a child’s positive effort or performance “programs” the child’s subconscious to prompt the child to:

Responding To Child Behavior

Raising children with positive parenting skills requires that we exercise a high level of self-awareness and self-control

  • Respect himself or herself
  • Make further effort to do good work
  • To be helpful
  • To demonstrate a kind and caring attitude
  • To choose responsible behavior

How parents respond to a display of child misbehavior also influences child development in a powerful way.

 

If a child receives too much harsh, angry correction and criticism the child begins to believe that he or she just cannot get it right.  In other words, the child develops a low self-esteem problem.

 

This child then expects (and demands) less of himself or herself, and feels more inclined to behave carelessly, to react and rebel destructively.

 

To demonstrate parenting wisdom with children, respond carefully to how your child behaves.  Skillful parenting responses motivate your child to do better and better.

 

Raising children with positive parenting skills requires that we exercise a high level of self-awareness and self-control.

 

Otherwise, instead of demonstrating parenting wisdom with our kids, we might habitually react too harshly or too frequently.

 

Or we might not be sufficiently attentive in parenting to recognize when our positive recognition and acknowledgement can inspire our children to continue striving to do well.

 

What all of this really amounts to is the fact that conscious attunement to the child’s heart is an essential core of positive discipline.

 

You will receive your own “parenting advice” from within as you take a moment to calmly “read” your child’s feelings BEFORE reacting to any problem behavior.

 

You can then intuitively sense the way your child needs you to relate with him or her in the now.

 

Parenting tips:

  1. Provide your child with at least 10 expressions of your love and appreciation each day.
  2. Work on remaining calm, aware and sensitive when you engage in any form of child behavior correction or child discipline.
  3. Practice attentive parenting to notice when your child can benefit from your positive response to his or her positive effort.

 

Share your thoughts and questions in this blog about the parenting advice presented here for
raising children with healthy self-esteem.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Pet Problems for Parents

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


One of the most common complaints that I hear from parents in my Positive Parenting With Love workshops, is, “My kids just don’t listen.”

 

The tips for parents that I offer in my response include: “Model better listening skills with your children.”

Raising Children With Positive Parenting

Model better listening skills with your children

 

Here is an example of how one mom demonstrated this.

 

A family found a stray puppy.

 

They already had a dog a cat, a toddler (not yet potty trained), and nine-year old twin boys.

 

The parents realized that they would not be able to demonstrate “positive parenting” very well if they took on one more responsibility.

 

They instantly decided, “No dog, no way.”

 

The toddler could have cared less.  But the twins complained.  When the parents held their ground, the twins cried.  The parents remained firm, but then the mother demonstrated positive parenting skill and wisdom by taking a closer look at her children.

 

The boys really looked hurt.  This was not a small, trivial matter to them.

 

It would have been easy to ignore their protestations with firm resolve.  But the mom wanted her boys to feel compassionate, to care about living creatures, to not harden their hearts.

 

“Let me share with you a couple of parenting tips that I’m trying to apply here, “ she said:  “Simplify your life so you have the energy to be a better parent.  Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ to your kids when you believe it’s in their best interest.”

 

The logic did not ease their pain.“You’re mean!” they shouted.

 

 

Then she came up with a positive parenting wisdom idea: using natural consequences.

 

“If you really feel this badly about it, here’s the deal. We can keep the dog if you triple your housework, take full responsibility for feeding and walking the dog, and if you donate all of your allowance to help with the expense of feeding the dog and taking him to the vet.”

 

They found a very nice home for the dog, in another part of town.

 

Parenting Tips:

 

  1. Model better listening to improve your child’s listening.
  2. Model caring to instill caring in your children.
  3. Informing children of the natural consequences for their choices helps them to make their own responsible decisions.

 

How do you feel about the mother’s response to her children’s pleas? Do you think she should have ignored them?

If the children had agreed to accept the responsibilities, but then balked later, what do you think this parent’s reasonable and responsible course of action should be?

Share your thoughts and questions in this about the positive parenting issues raised here.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

The Wisdom Of Doing Nothing

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Parenting Strategies For Child Discipline

It is as if we presume that we are always supposed to have perfect parenting strategies, that we must always do something to fix a child discipline problem.

 

Here is some parenting advice for child discipline that may surprise you:

  1. It’s okay to not know what to do about a child behavior problem.
  2. When you don’t know what to do, it’s often wise to do NOTHING.

 

When your child behaves in a disturbing way, as parents we feel compelled to do something about it.

 

It is as if we presume that we are always supposed to have perfect parenting strategies, that we must always do something to fix a child discipline problem.

 

When your infant cries on and on, when your toddler throws something in a rage, when your older child tells you something that you know is untrue, if you feel clueless, remember this important piece of responsible parenting wisdom:  Sometimes doing nothing is better than doing something.

 

When you presume that you must do SOMETHING, instead of effectively teaching your child, you probably end up complaining, criticizing, nagging, yelling, arguing or endlessly negotiating, which does nothing but wear you down and promote more behavior problems.

 

We need to practice the effective parenting wisdom of being non-reactive when we don’t know what to do for improved child discipline.

 

The time to apply this parenting advice is when you realize that you really don’t know what to do.

Raising Children with Child Discipline

We need to practice the effective parenting wisdom of being non-reactive when we don’t know what to do for improved child discipline.

Here is a parenting exercise:

 

 

  1. 1. The next time your child behaves in a way that you are uncertain about how to handle, remain calm and don’t say or do anything to your child.  Discipline yourself to remain non-reactive.

 

  1. 2. Be sure to apply this to the EMOTIONAL level as well.  By that I mean remain EMOTIONALLY non-reactive by staying calm instead of slipping into anger, frustration, or any form of emotional overwhelm.

 

  1. 3. EXAMPLE: if your child left a mess and refused to clean it up when you asked him to do so, and you know that pushing the child further will only lead to increasing chaos relax.  If you want the mess cleaned up right now, clean it yourself, calmly, without resentment, and without worrying that your child is learning to take advantage of you, to disrespect you, to be messy.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not suggesting that you apply the parenting advice of doing nothing ALL the time – only when you don’t know what to do to improve child discipline.

 

 

Of course, the more you learn from study and parenting experience, the more you will know just what to do for positive child discipline results. But there are still bound to be instances when you feel clueless.

 

That doesn’t make you a bad parent. Doing nothing, when you don’t know what to do, makes you a wiser parent than one who simply reacts blindly.

 

Please feel welcome to share instances when you don’t know what to do for better child discipline.  Perhaps I, or your fellow bloggers, will have some parenting advice that you can try.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


 

 

The Wisdom of Positive Motivation

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, December 5th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Positive Motivation For Children

It really IS possible to lead a child, and to teach a child, in a loving, mutually pleasing manner

Using positive motivation with children often works best.

When a child does not behave as you expect, a disciplinary response is not always the answer.

Often, all the child needs is to feel a loving connection with you.

That loving connection makes the child feel happy and INSPIRES the child to cooperate with you.

When the child feels deeply pleased, the child feels inspired to please.

Using positive motivation with children maintains a loving, happy parent-child bond, and that represents the most fundamental demonstration of parental wisdom with kids.

It not only leads the child into higher performance, it also permits BOTH parent and child to more deeply enjoy the parent-child relationship.

It really IS possible to lead a child, and to teach a child, in a loving, mutually pleasing manner.

When we lose our patience, yell, nag, plead, argue or punish, we may be making parenting harder than it needs to be on ourselves and on our children.

Try this exercise.

Commit yourself to remaining calm, relaxed, pleasant and loving for an entire day, NO MATTER HOW YOUR CHILD BEHAVES.

In what instances do you use strictness or even anger to direct your child?  Try to think up more pleasant, loving, even happy ways that you can successfully function in those instances.

Contribute to other parents’ Wisdom with Kids by sharing the results of these two exercises in this blog.

Connecting in relaxed, loving, even fun ways with children inspires them to connect with US in pleasing ways.Using positive motivation with children does not mean bribing them with special rewards.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...