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Improve Your Parent Behavior For Child Behavior Improvement

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

Child behavior improvement often requires parent behavior improvement first.

 

When scolding your child, what are you telling him about himself?

 

Parenting Quotes Help

At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent. ~ Barbara Bush

Do you call him a lackadaisical dreamer, dishonest, responsible, lazy?

 

On a subconscious level the child believes what we tell him about himself and that programs him to live consistently with that belief.

 

Telling a child that she’s acting like a baby, that she is always looking for the easy way out, that she is content to do the least possible in school, that she’s a show-off gives that child’s subconscious a negative message that undermines the child’s ability.

 

Calling a child sloppy, telling him he never listens, complaining that he is being difficult, uncooperative, self-centered, overly demanding is like calling FOR more of that undesirable behavior.

 

When we become frustrated with our children it is really not their fault.  We are coming to the end of our patience, but that’s no excuse for projecting negative influences upon them.

 

In parenting, we need to be present, to avoid focusing so much on making our children “right” that we overlook how “wrongly” we are going about it.

 

When we parents catch ourselves in the act of projecting our own negativity onto the child, we can redirect our attention to ourselves, recognize any mistakes we are making, and begin correcting our own behavior then and there.

 

The next time you hear yourself complaining to your child, calling him stupid, unfocused, unreliable, unkind, thoughtless or “a downer”, focus on improving your own behavior in the present moment.

 

When you see how you are mishandling the situation you can begin handling the situation better, and produce better results.

 

Remain self-aware to recognize your need for improved SELF discipline in your efforts to get your child to be more disciplined.

 

Concentrate on improving your handling of your child’s behavior and you will find yourself being more successful in your efforts to bring out better behavior from your child.

 

Really face the ways that you want to improve your responses to your child, your way of speaking with her, your way of attempting to correct, control and improve her character, attitude and actions.

 

As we honestly work on improving our ways of parenting, we raise our child more effectively and enjoy a happier, better behaving child AND adult.

 

Let’s practice being more self-aware in our parenting to recognize when we need to improve our parent behavior for child behavior improvement.

A Parenting Solution For The Demanding Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

When do you become flustered with your children?

 

It probably happens when you feel yourself barraged by unreasonable, self-centered demands.

 

Motivational Parenting Quotes

There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child. ~
Henry Ward Beecher

You come home from work.  And immediately you are being begged to do this or that.

 

You might try to accommodate your child, but that’s not enough.  The begging child demands that you do more, do something differently than you did it.

 

The child demands to be pleased, and you find yourself feeling strained in your attempt to please.  You see no way to please, and YOU feel VERY DISPLEASED.

 

To begin solving this parenting problem, approach it as an opportunity for your growth rather than an opportunity to blame or resent your child for being so difficult, demanding and self-centered.

 

From the “how can I grow” perspective you can then examine your way of dealing with the situation and find better options.

 

From the “blame” perspective, parents focus on how the child is behaving wrongly, overlooking how wrongly they are dealing with it.

 

When we parents begin feeling frustrated, flustered, stressed out in reaction to child behavior, our child is not making that happen.  Our way of reacting is making it happen.  This is a crucial distinction!

 

It’s all too common, when parents feel frustrated by an incessantly demanding child, the parents explode in a rage.

 

But if you really look at this reaction, it characterizes the exact opposite of what the parent really wants.

 

It takes the parent from the unpleasantness of frustration into the more extremely unpleasant state of rage. So, obviously, rage is an inadequate strategy for improving how you feel.

 

This points to the next stage of the parenting solution for the demanding child.  Consider how you want to feel and determine to feel that way despite your child’s demands.

 

Concentrate on maintaining your peace and poise.  If you find it difficult to maintain your peace and poise, do your best and you will grow in the ability to do so more and more effectively.

 

Now, as you become calm, and stop trying to please your child, your child will likely become increasingly frustrated with YOU.

 

Do your best to stay relaxed and at peace, and from peace you can find compassion.  You can calmly, quietly love your child as your child works out his frustration on his own over not being able to control YOU.

 

Some might think you have to yell at your child to “teach” him that he needs to relate with you in a more considerate and less demanding way, but this tactic blares with hypocrisy when you really look at it.  It models harshness as a means of teaching more gentleness!  It models demandingness in an attempt to teach the opposite.

 

Sometimes, by simply maintaining your calm and compassionate center and NOT straining to please, you allow LIFE to teach your child the lesson he or she needs.  That not only saves you effort and strain, it gives your child the chance to grow.

 

There’s a parenting solution for the demanding child.

Teach Your Child To Realize the Responsibilities of a Hero

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Monday, March 25th, 2013

A hero is somebody who is selfless, who is generous in spirit, who just tries to give back as much as possible and help people. A hero to me is someone who saves people and who really deeply cares.
~ Debi Mazar

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

A hero is someone who understands the responsibility that comes with his freedom.
~ Bob Dylan

 

A hero always choses to do the right thing. He does not hesitate to help someone even in his difficult times.

A hero has faced it all: he need not be undefeated, but he must be undaunted.
~ Andrew Bernstein

A hero is a man who does what he can. ~ Romain Rolland

A hero is willing to work hard. He is brave. He is kind.

We all want to be a hero because we don’t want to let our feet stop with fear. The sense of being a hero gives us courage to fight fear not for ourselves but for others as well.

Love Of Parents Improves Chid Behavior

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Tuesday, December 25th, 2012
Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk. ~ Carl Jung

Effective communication with your child betters child parent relationships.

How pleasant it is for a father to sit at his child’s board. It is like an aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted.
~ Voltaire

 

Inspiring Children Towards Persistence

By Pankaj Sharma   |  Tuesday, December 18th, 2012
Child Behavior Inspiring Children

“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Parents can promote persistence by encouraging their children to keep going and not give in at the slightest hurdle or difficulty.”

–         Michael Grose

 

The ability to persist or stay committed to a task till its successful accomplishment is an important quality of positive child behavior that you should try to develop in your child.

 

From learning to tie shoelaces to achieving his career goal, persistence defines the success of any task that a child undertakes. Children need to stick to the job despite the flood of difficulties and hurdles they face while putting in efforts for reaching their goals.

 

This parenting advice aims help parents in inspiring children to be persistent and self-motivated.

 

Follow your child’s interests

 

This is a basic principle of helping children learn quickly as they always stick to a task they find their interest in. The pleasure and pride children gain after successful completion of work encourages them to undertake new purposes and attain new career peaks in the future.

 

Appreciate your children when they pursue a task

 

Appreciation is an important lesson in children education. Every time you see your child sticking on to a task for a long time despite initial failure, give him a pat on his back, hug him or reward him with a chocolate or so.

 

If you feel he is about to give up just simplify the things a bit or tempt him with a reward so that he stays motivated till he achieves success. The taste of success will encourage him to accept more challenges.

 

Help him draw courage from past achievements

 

You can also inspire your child to stay committed from her past experiences when she had finally pulled off things after defying all odds. Instill wisdom in kids that persistence always pays off.

Just be patient and keep trying. It will help her to hang on and keep pursuing the .

 

Be supportive and helpful

 

Don’t leave your children helpless with their tasks. Though you should motivate your children to be as independent as possible but predict and respond proactively when they need you.

 

Define the limits to the children clearly but always leave room for flexibility. Parenting a child requires lots of patience and maturity.

 

Remember, childhood is about more fun and less restrictions. That’s how a child learns and prepares himself for future.

 

How well do you know your child?

By Pankaj Sharma   |  Sunday, December 16th, 2012

 

By Antara and Pankaj Sharma

 

How well do you know your child?

 

Ask any parent this question and usual response will be an instant positive affirmation, the “I-know-her-better-than-she-knows-herself” kind. And then maybe in a deeper afterthought, “well-I-think-I-know-her-well”… and so it will go on.  Deeper introspection, more doubts…

 

Parenting Children QuotesIt is a tough question that will usually fetch easy, instant answers and then maybe some second thoughts after a pause. Parents like to believe they know their children very well. Many parents do. But there are also parents who do not know their children as well as they should.

 

They are not aware of the thought processes of their children; they are not keen to know the flights of imagination their child is taking in his own little world; they do not care to find out how their child whiles his idle time.

 

In short, they do not think it is essential to put in enough efforts in raising children as good, caring, responsible human beings.

 

As America tries to come to terms with the horrifying Connecticut shooting, parents all across the country and the world are shaken in grief and disbelief.

 

Law enforcement authorities and the media are trying to piece together the reasons behind what forced the alleged 20-year-old shooter to spray bullets on unsuspecting, innocent 6-7 year old children and 6 adults in the quiet, upscale Sandy Hook Elementary School.

 

“But those who knew the alleged shooter grasped to reconcile the difference between the quiet, withdrawn 20-year-old without a criminal record and the man who donned black fatigues and a military vest and rained hell at the Newtown, Connecticut, school last week,” says a report in CNN.

 

 

According to reports, Adam and his elder brother Ryan, 24, were affected by their parent’s divorce in 2009. His father Peter Lanza is a successful business executive and mother Nancy Lanza was a school teacher.

 

Both the children were staying with their mother who is reported to have been a collector of guns and even took her sons to practice shooting. A Washington Post report says, “How many guns Nancy had is not clear, though authorities say several were registered to her, including the ones used in the massacre.”

 

“These are assault weapons. You don’t hunt deer with these things,” Governor Dannel Malloy said on the CNN program “State of the Union”, the Chicago Tribune quoted in a report.

 

Wisdom QuotesParents play a deciding role in shaping the behavior and mind of their children. While home is the first school of children, parents are the first teachers. Children imbibe values and wisdom from the atmosphere that surrounds them.

 

If compassion, care and sense of security make them good human beings; dejection, rejection, and negligence can turn them into explosive livewires. It is not clear what led to the Friday rampage as several media reports said it was “nice, pleasant family” quoting people who knew the family.

 

A CNN report quoted one of Lanza’s aunts as saying, “Lanza’s mother “battled” with the school board and ended up having her son home-schooled.”

 

“She had issues with school,” the aunt, who lives in Crystal Lake, Illinois, said, quoted the report. “I’m not 100% certain if it was behavior or learning disabilities, but he was a very, very bright boy. He was smart.”

 

As more details of this tragedy emerge, so do more baffling questions.

 

Connecticut shooting is a waking alarm for parents. We do not know what led to this young man to do this… but one thing is clear, parents need to sit up and take note of their parenting goals.

 

It is not to enforce their own ambitions on their kids without understanding their needs and interests.

It is not to ignore a child’s regressive loneliness as a natural trait.

It is not to leave children to their own devices without keeping a close watch on what those devices are how they are being used.

 

Parenting children has become more difficult than ever in this over-communicated world where children are exposed daily to news about violence, aggression and oppression early in age.

 

There is no dearth of parenting advice on how to raise children in a secure, protective, healthy and positive environment but the ground rule remains the same.

 

  • Strengthen child parent relationships.
  • Win the confidence of your child.
  • Do not behave like ring masters while disciplining your child.
  • Become their friend, philosopher and guide so that they can discuss both their problems and dreams with you.
  • Instill positive behavior in your children.
  • Parent with care, compassion, values, honesty and integrity.
  • Raise children who contribute to society positively.

 

Antara is a former journalist and a mum of a 7-year-old and Pankaj Sharma is a promising staff writer.

The Indomitable Human Spirit: Xander Vento, 4, Dies To Save 3-Year-Old Girl From Drowning

By Pankaj Sharma   |  Sunday, December 16th, 2012

 

Bravery knows no barrier – neither age nor physique.


Xander Vento – a 4-year-old boy from Texas – dared death and displayed a supreme act of humanity when he lost his life while saving a 3-year-old girl from drowning at a neighborhood pool in Fort Worth, Texas.

 

Parenting Advice: Instill Moral Values in Your Children

Xander Vento displayed indomitable act of humanity when he sacrificed his life to save a girl from drowning.

Xander Vento and the 3-year-old girl were in the pool when the girl started to drown. Vento held the struggling girl’s head above water until she was safe, but he became exhausted and slipped below the water’s surface, The Associated Press reported. The epitome of utmost bravery finally succumbed to a three-day long coma.

 

“We in some way hope our son’s life serves as an inspiration. He was the angel in the pool who sacrificed himself to save another. And now he continues to give as an organ donor. We were blessed to have such a kind and caring boy as Xander who set an example for all of us and even now he will be saving lives by giving of himself.”

—      Cris and Misty Vento, parents of Xander Vento

(Courtesy: NBCNEWS)

 

Xander led the way to prove that you need not to grow in age to perform extraordinary. He defies his age to do something that even an adult would hesitate to attempt. At an age when a child thinks about his wants and desires, such a feat can make even the most prolific psychologists to revisit their books on child behavior.

 

The example of this brave kid gives valuable parenting advice to parents who believe that books can teach everything to children. No book can be as effective as the surroundings in which the child dwells in helping a child learn the universal human values of love, sacrifice, humanity, compassion and courage, effectively. The learning induced through inspiration is more effective than imparting the same theoretically.

 

The role of good parenting is crucial in inspiring children. If you want to teach the lesson of respect and humanity to your kids, you need to practice these in your life. Seeing you helping a blind person in crossing the road or showing respect to elders will inspire him to do the same when he will get the opportunity.

 

Hats off to Xander Vento whose desire to help others live was stronger than the choice to save his own life first.

 

About Lying In Children And Importance Of Telling The Truth

By Pankaj Sharma   |  Sunday, December 16th, 2012

 

Editor’s Note: This is a guest blog by Pankaj Sharma

 

In my last blog “Parenting Help: Curbing The Habit of Lying in Children”, I discussed the reasons that prompt children to lie. This blog suggests effective parenting tips that help you curb the habit of lying in children.

 

Honesty In Children

Always tell the Truth. That way, you don’t have to remember what you said.
~ Mark Twain

Having a lying child is a nightmare for every parent.

 

On the one side, you would want your child to be creative and imaginative and story-telling is a great means of encouraging this.

 

But on the other hand, you would also want to teach your child the importance of honesty and of telling the truth. Teaching children the difference between imaginative storytelling and unscrupulous lying is a tricky balance you need to meet.

 

Following some effective parenting advice that will help you discourage the habit of lying in your children:

 

Encourage the Positive Behavior

 

“Catch children being good! Children repeat behaviors that get attention; they give up behaviors that get no attention. “

~ Child Welfare League of America

 

Praising a child for displaying positive behavior further encourages him to stick to good habits. Appreciate your child every time she accepts her mistakes and stays honest. Let her experience the joy of telling the truth. It will instill wisdom in children to learn positive behavior.

 

Role Modeling

 

We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~ Tad Williams

Children imitate and imbibe values from people around them. Make sure you don’t resort to lying when your kids are around.

 

Communicate the importance of truthfulness by narrating stories that highlight the power of truth and also emphasize on the harmful consequences of lying.

 

Make your child aware about the scenarios when lying caused problems to different individuals. Moral fairy tales and stories such as “Pinocchio” and “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” can prove helpful.

 

Stay Attentive to Your Child’s Lies

 

Parents should be on their toes when it comes to catching lies and disciplining children.

 

Children lie either to seek attention or to escape an uncomfortable situation and succeeding in the same promotes the habit of lying in children.

 

It is very important to catch and correct every little lie your child tells. Every time you catch a lie you get an opportunity to teach honesty to your child.

 

Also, the fear of being caught and facing embarrassment discourages the habit of lying in children.

 

Punishment is not the Solution

 

Punishing lying children with spanking or yelling is not going to solve the problem. The threat of punishment can turn children into smarter and more frequent liars. Deal with this in a calm and collected manner.

 

Mentor your child firmly yet positively on why lying is wrong and should never be repeated again.

 

Your controlled reaction will make it clear to your child that speaking the truth and being honest will always be appreciated while lying will spell trouble.

 

 

5 Tips to Get Your Kid To Sleep in Her Own Bed

By Noah Brown   |  Wednesday, December 12th, 2012

Sometimes, it becomes near-to-impossible task for the parents to convince their child to sleep in their own beds. Eventually the battle concludes with children sharing bedroom space with their parents.

According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), “as many as 24% of parents have their children sleep in their beds for at least part of the night.”

According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), “as many as 24% of parents have their children sleep in their beds for at least part of the night.”

While this child behavior invades the privacy of parents, it also leaves working couples restless and fatigued. Toddlers, preschoolers, or even school-goers across the world importune to sleep in their parents’ bedrooms.

 

Read more: http://marilyncramer1.livejournal.com/

 

 

Parenting Help: Curbing The Habit of Lying in Children

By Pankaj Sharma   |  Saturday, December 1st, 2012

 

One of the common behavior problems in children is lying. Children lie or make false stories to get away with mistakes or simply for fun. While some stories are harmless, some lies demand both caution and concern of parents. Many parents who do not check this at the right time, later seek parenting help for curbing this habit in their kids

Improving Child Behavior

Always tell the truth – it’s the easiest thing to remember. ~ David Mamet

 

Just as story-telling is to be encouraged to boost creativity in child, the habit of lying needs to be corrected early.

 

As parents, you should watch your kid carefully to draw a line between harmless story-telling and growing dishonesty.

 

If you find your child telling tall tales or narrating outright lies, it is the time for you to take definite steps to correct such child behavior.

 

Why Children Lie?

 

There may be many different reasons that prompt kids for escaping the truth including:

 

To establish identity – A majority of children lie to establish an identity or reputation in his peer groups. He wants to gain respect and admiration of his friends.

 

For which, he even boasts of having or doing something he has not really done or acquired.

 

Once he starts enjoying the privilege of his lies, he gets into the habit of making false claims or telling lies.

 

To avoid trouble – Sometimes it is the desperation to come out of a troublesome situation that forces a child to tell a lie.

 

For example, he has committed some mistake and he is afraid of punishment or has done something he was not supposed to do.

 

In order to avoid punishment or repercussions the situation might bring, he simply tells a lie to escape the consequences.

 

Parents may be responsible – Sometimes, parents inadvertently end up teaching their children the initial lessons of lying. Asking your child to tell the person at the door that dad is not in, just because you don’t want to meet the person although you are home, is going to confuse your child on what is right and what is wrong.

 

“Tell Grandma you loved her present even if you didn’t because she will feel hurt otherwise” – you may be bill this as a “white lie” but it is a lie anyways.

 

Your kid is too small to understand the character of the lie and takes it as a strategy to avoid some trouble situation.

 

In some cases, over expectations of parents also tend to make their children liars. When your child feels that she has failed to please her parents, she simply tries to cover up the facts, which eventually becomes a habit.

 

Positive parenting can ensure improved child behavior

 

These are some of the major reasons responsible for developing the habit of telling lies in children. There are several more. The only way you can avoid such behavior is through positive parenting.

 

We will be discussing positive parenting techniques for improving the behavior of lying children in our next blog. Watch out this space!

Inspiring Mother Quotes

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Friday, April 27th, 2012
Mother Quotes

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers

 

 

 

Positive Parenting Mother Quotes

A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.

 

 

 

Mother Quotes for Parenting Kids With Wisdom

"She’s my teacher, my adviser, my greatest inspiration." ~ Whitney Houston

Inspiring Children

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Friday, April 27th, 2012

 

Child Development With Confidence

“All that we are is a result of what we have thought” ~ Buddha

 

Motivation Children

“Play the picture in your mind – focus on the end result VISUALIZE!!! Rehearse your future VISUALIZE!!! See it, feel it! This is where action begins” ~ The Secret

 

Parenting Tips

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. ~ Albert Einstein

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