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Child Behavior Wisdom: Protect Your Child’s Feelings

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
Parenting Skills

Do a deed of simple kindness; though its end you may not see, it may reach, like widening ripples, down a long eternity. ~ Joseph Norris

 

Here’s what makes child behavior management so challenging: kids, like adults, want to feel completely free to do as they please and to have what they want when they want it.
 

They don’t want to have to go to bed, wait their turn, forego another piece of candy, put their toys away before moving on to another activity, turn off the video game, come in from playing outside to do their homework, wash their hands before eating.
 

It’s human nature to desire absolute, complete autonomy, without limits.
 

A central human challenge is learning how to deal with limits, even as we strive to overcome them.
 

Responsible parenting certainly includes setting limits on our child’s behavior, at times, because what kid’s want is not always in their best interest.
 

Responsible parenting also requires setting limits on parent behavior.
 

Correcting child behavior too harshly injures the child emotionally.
 

Ironically, overly harsh correction breeds child unruliness.
 

It teaches children to demonstrate cruelty in their relationships.
 

Relating insensitively with a child’s feelings models insensitivity for the child, leading the child to relate insensitively with the feelings of others.
 

Being too rough on a child teaches the child to play too rough with others and to be too rough when handling of objects.
 

It fosters sloppiness, rudeness, and disrespect for order.
 

Ignoring children’s feelings teaches them to ignore their own finer sensibilities, including their sense of compassion for others.
 

Paying attention to your child while correcting or directing child behavior will reveal to you when you are reacting too harshly.
 

You can then set limits on yourself to avoid responding to child behavior in a hurtful way.
 

We parents need to set boundaries and sometimes say “No”, even when it deeply displeases the child.
 

But we need to do this compassionately, with genuine respect for the child’s tender heart.
 

We need to set boundaries on the child’s behavior to help the child demonstrate and develop responsible behavior patterns.
 

And we need to set limits on our way of parenting to insure that we consistently honor our child’s feelings.
 

But it’s easy to become so focused on what the child is doing “wrong” that we overlook the “wrong” way we are attempting to improve the situation.
 

Remember to pay attention to your child’s feelings when:

  • * Attempt to stop a problematic child behavior
  • * Attempting to direct the child into a behavior

 

Thus, you demonstrate important parent behavior wisdom: you protect your child’s feelings.

Parenting Tips: Awaken Parenting Intuition

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, September 10th, 2012

The child behavior that you encounter gives YOU an opportunity to grow.

 

At the heart of raising children is raising ourselves.

 

Raising kids is a learning experience for the parents who look for a way to do a better job.

 

Raising Children

Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.
~ Lady Bird Johnson ~

Ideally, parents and children grow TOGETHER.

 

Parenting help is always available to those parents who want to do better and to feel better in their relationship with their children.

 

You always have access to wise parenting advice WITHIN.

 

Calm down, observe your child, and open your heart and mind to understanding what is happening.  This awakens your PARENTING INTUITION.

 

Your child is really like an open book that you can read.  Just pay calm attention, with a tranquil, trusting heart and open to your inner source of wisdom.

 

You will see what you can do for your child’s good.  Parenting your child is a creative process, for your way of relating with your child influences the development of your child’s personality.

 

When you calmly observe your child with a heart and mind open to your own best inner judgment of what to do about it, you overcome your habitual reaction patterns and demonstrate new and improved parenting skills.  In other words, you raise yourself as you raise your child.

 

Parents want parenting tips from experts, while they have a parenting expert living within them that they overlook when they emotionally react to child behavior.

 

Help for parents who feel stressed out and are at their wits end becomes available when they return to calm confidence.

 

Your child is not responsible for how you react.  To know what to do about your child discipline challenges, practice non-reactivity.

 

Calm down, observe your child and confidently EXPECT that you will receive an idea, an insight, and inspiration that guides you from within.

 

Emotional reactions blind us to the truth.

 

In peace you can understand your child.

 

Raising kids is a learning experience for the parents who calmly pay attention to what is happening.

 

Our children’s challenging behavior calls upon us to grow.

 

An Alternative To Saying “No” To Your Kids

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, June 29th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Our parental “job” includes instilling wisdom in our children.

Disciplining Children

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves. ~ C.G. Jung

 

There are good reasons why parents would like to find an alternative to using the word “No” with their children.

 

You don’t want to HAVE to motivate your child to “do the right thing.”

 

Wouldn’t you love sensible ideas to bring as much inspiration to your kids as, say, the idea of shooting off firecrackers?

 

Having to frequently say ‘No’ can make parenting exhausting, and it causes some parents to feel that they are being too negative in the parent-child relationship.

 

If YOU have an issue saying “No”, and you want to instill practical life-wisdom in your child, try instead to tell your child of the reason why and what to do instead.

 

For instance, if your child asks for a second scoop of ice cream, instead of telling him “No”, try saying something like this to lead him to impose positive child discipline upon himself: “That would mean too much sugar, which is not good for the brain. But if you stop requesting another scoop you can have one scoop.”

 

This way of responding resolves the parenting issues of having to say “No” and feeling that you always have to impose boundaries for your child.

 

It ends on a positive note by pointing out what the child CAN have or do. It also helps the child development of understanding that actions have consequences, and to consider the consequences before acting on a desire.

 

Disciplining children is never all that much fun. The sooner our kids can responsibly discipline themselves the better.

 

By providing your child is a simple, brief explanation of what is undesirable about what she wants you actually educate her about what is good for her.

 

At the same time, you motivate your child to cooperate with you by helping her to see the positive outcome of cooperating with you: specifically, not requesting another scoop results in getting one scoop now.

 

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When It Is Wise To Ignore Your Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Saturday, June 23rd, 2012

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To skillfully support child development, remember that there is a time for responding to your child and a time for NOT responding.

support child development

One key for raising children toward self-reliance is the parenting practice of being just responsive enough

If we are not responsive enough, we lose parental control as our child grows frustrated.

 

This is because and a frustrated child (like a frustrated adult) cannot help but slip into some form of behavior problem.

We teach our children, and the education may prove negative, through the way that we respond to our kids.

 

Being too non-responsive not only frustrates the child with the sense of denied parent access. It teaches the child, through our modeling, to BE non-responsive. This may manifest as the child not “listening” and being generally inattentive.

 

But, while a sufficient amount of parental involvement is crucial for positive child development and child behavior, it is also possible to be TOO responsive with a child.

 

If we respond automatically to a child’s request (or demand) for our attention, assistance or cooperation we demonstrate a weak form of child behavior management that actually trains the child to be overly demanding.

 

We also needlessly exhaust ourselves through the form of excessive parent involvement that we can describe as being overly responsive.

 

Help for parents who over-stress themselves through excessive responsiveness arrives as they apply the self-help wisdom of being more conscious in parenting.

 

Sometimes it is better to not respond as a means of teaching the child that the behavior she is using to get our response is unacceptable.

 

One key for raising children toward self-reliance is the parenting practice of being just responsive enough.

 

Be aware during your parent-child interactions to avoid automatically reacting to your child without first pausing to determine if reacting in the way that you are about to react is really wise right now.

 

If you HABITUALLY respond when your child demands your attention, you produce your own frustration and lead your child toward the relationship problems that stem from being overly demanding.

 

Don’t blame your child for this.  Realize that your reactions of stress and strain are NOT your child’s responsibility.  How you react is YOUR responsibility.

 

Practice the parenting wisdom of more CONSCIOUS parenting to more alertly recognize when you need to respond, and when you need to deliberately NOT respond to your child, for the best parenting results and experiences.

 

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

How To Raise A Wise Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Follow Parenting Wisdom With Your Child

Wisdom guides mastery in all fields of endeavor, including parenting.

To follow parenting wisdom with your child means that you are connecting with your own positive, loving and intelligent intuitive inner guidance.

 

You need to be calm, emotionally balanced, and aware in the now for this to happen.

 

When parents begin feeling frustrated in their efforts to control their child, they break their internal connection with the inner wisdom that can guide them toward healthier, happier parenting success.

 

For instance, if you begin feeling annoyed when your child interrupts your work or demands your attention while you are on the phone, your stressful reaction prevents you from handling the situation as well as you can, from producing the results that you really want.

 

Every parent needs to MASTER the experience of being distracted, to stay sane, content, and constructive.

 

Wisdom guides mastery in all fields of endeavor, including parenting.

 

Wisdom is an inspired state of consciousness that nurtures the soul.

 

When you demonstrate parenting wisdom in your relationship with your child, your inner, harmonious, enlightened state radiates, reaching and nurturing your child’s inner life with those same qualities, producing a happier, more loving and wise child.

 

Parents who complain that their children are too wild would do well to consider this way of helping their children to be more wise.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Create Life-Balance To Raise Happy Children

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, March 1st, 2012

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Parenting Classes For Raising Happy Children

Create happier times with your kids to deepen and strengthen family bonding.

 

At one of my recent parenting classes, I discussed the need for a deep heart-connection in the parent-child relationship.

 

“As we nurture children emotionally,” I explained,“their behavior expresses more loving kindness and healthy self-esteem than when kids feel emotionally deprived.”

 

A parent in the class raised her hand and posed this common parenting problem:  “In today’s world, when both parents need to work full time, and jobs often demand more than the old, standard 40 hours a week, we’re not able to give our kids the quality time they need.”

 

My response to that addressed the creative power and responsibility of every one of us:

 

“Your circumstances are a product of your own creation.  You have the power to create the life-balance to support the emotional development of your child.

 

“I know parents who have made huge financial sacrifices to be able to provide their children with all the quality time their kids need.

 

Raising Happy Children

“You empower yourself to succeed relative any goal by seeing yourself as the creator of your circumstances, not as a victim of your circumstances.

“Others found creative ways to maintain a high income while meeting the emotional needs of their children.

 

“You empower yourself to succeed relative any goal by seeing yourself as the creator of your circumstances, not as a victim of your circumstances.

 

“Though you may not know what you can do right now to improve the balance of your life, begin by clearly defining life-balance as your goal and commit to making it happen.

 

“In the meantime, if you cannot increase the quantity of time you spend with your kids, improve the quality of the precious time that you do have with them.

 

“Practice connecting with your children in a more conscious and loving way when you are together. Create happier times with your kids to deepen and strengthen family bonding.”

 

“Turn every moment you spend with your daughter into a kind of parenting class by closely observing her, in order to improve your understanding of your child. This is how to better meet your child’s need for a deep heart-connection in the parent-child relationship

 

Please feel welcome to share your comments in this blog about this parenting advice, and any questions you have about overcoming the challenge to providing children with all the quality time they need from us to feel great and to display beautiful behavior.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

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Pin It

Create Great Times With Your Kids

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, February 9th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Children and parents thrive on a positive, creative relationship with one another.

 

Child Behavior Improvement Tip

Child behavior improves when parents engage with their children in loving, creative ways

Child behavior improves when parents engage with their children in loving, creative ways.

 

Parents feel energized, rather than drained, by their time with their kids when they focus on creating great times with them.

 

Raising children becomes easier, more fun and produces better behaved children when parents work on making their time with their kids interesting, exciting and pleasant.

 

When parents see children as wild creatures they need to control, instead of as wonderful partners in creating joyful times together, parenting feels more like a burden than a blessing.

 

Raising kids well takes work, but remember to work at making every moment with your child a positively engaging experience for you both.

 

Parenting skills should not just be about disciplining children.  They need to be about coming up with clever ways of being with the child and leading the child through joyful acts of bonding.

 

Parenting Tips:

1. Don’t just tell your child what to do.  Think up a playful way to lead.  For instance, if you need to turn off the TV because your child has been watching long enough, dance and sing as you do it, to see if you can get a smile instead of a frown.

 

2. Does your child resist bedtime?  Make it part of your PARENT discipline to remain loving, and to find new and creative ways to start bedtime each evening.  For instance, you might bend over and speak to your child with your head upside down.  You might race your child to his bed.

 

3. Brainstorm with your spouse, or even with your child, to come up with fun, creative ways to lead your child into responsible behavior.

 

Passive parenting is so much more fun than stern, serious parenting.

Would you like to receive some creative, fun ideas for handling a child behavior problem?

Share them in this blog to receive some creative, fun AND PRACTICAL parenting tips.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Help Your Child Outgrow Behavior Problems

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, January 5th, 2012

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Understanding Child Behavior

If you expect your child to behave so perfectly all the time that you never feel challenged, perplexed or overwhelmed, you expectation is overly optimistic

Child behavior problems or challenges are unavoidable.

If you expect your child to behave so perfectly all the time that you never feel challenged, perplexed or overwhelmed, you expectation is overly optimistic.

Children DO test us, and in surprising ways.

However wonderful your child may USUALLY behavior, whatever magnificent character she very often displays, her behavior will at times surprise you with a problem behavior you did not expect.

Two valuable tips for parents include:

  1. As part of your personal parenting strategy, be psychologically prepared to feel challenged by the way that your child behaves.
  1. Understand that child behavior is not permanent.  If we respond properly to a behavior problem, the child develops beyond it in a short time.

In my parenting classes, parents seek advice on how to handle everyday parenting challenges like sibling rivalry, bedtime issues, setting rules, establishing boundaries, child aggression, talking back disrespectfully, teaching politeness, encouraging honesty, etc.

But underneath their parenting questions I can see that at some level they often seem to feel that their child should NOT be presenting them with these problems; that children SHOULD behave well.

Adjusting expectations to be realistic is fundamental for any successful parent strategy.

When your child displays a problematic behavior, it does not mean that you are an inadequate parent and it does not mean that your child essentially wrong or bad for behaving in a disturbing way.

It means that you are encountering the reality of parenting.

Our parental responsibility, when it comes to child behavior management or child discipline, is to respond to the behavior in a way that supports the positive behavior changes that we want, and that avoids causing the child to become stuck in a problem behavior pattern.

Parenting Tips to help your child outgrow inappropriate self-conduct:
1. When you react to a behavior with much anger and stress you risk blocking the child from outgrowing that behavior.  This is because your emotional intensity indices child defensiveness.
2. Remaining calm, consider the sort of response your child needs from you to improve his or her behavior.
3. If you don’t know what to do, remain calm and patient. The child may most quickly outgrow the behavior without your intervention.

 

Share your experiences, thoughts and questions regarding this strategy for successfully dealing with child behavior in this blog.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Positive Parenting Wisdom

By Bob Lancer   |  Sunday, December 18th, 2011

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


new child behavior pattern

It is essential to eliminate the use of complaining as a means of solving behavior problems

One of the common parenting mistakes I have observed as a parent and as a parenting seminar leader and consultant who has worked directly with thousands of families, is confusing complaining with effectively improving child behavior.

 

When we complain to our kids about a behavior problem, like not putting their things away or eating like a barbarian at the dinner table, we really are NOT leading them to more responsible child behavior.

 

Raising kids to display a higher level of self-discipline is accomplished by patiently guiding the child, step-by-step, through the new child discipline pattern you want established.

 

And to SUCCESSFULLY establish a new child behavior pattern, you have to be willing to repeat this patient, step-by-step leadership over and over again, until it becomes the child’s new habit.

Try this exercise:

  1. Make a list of the child behavior problems that you face in raising your kids. want your child display.
  2. Envision the new child behavior you want in place of that problem.
  3. The next time that your child demonstrates the behavior problem, instead of complaining, calmly, patiently guide your child step-by-step through the new behavior that you want.

 

Contribute to the Parenting Wisdom of the planet by sharing the results of this exercise, and any questions you have about it, in this blog.


 

One additional point: It is essential to eliminate the use of complaining as a means of solving behavior problems.

 

When we complain to our kids, we incite their defensiveness, not their cooperation.

 

Complaining is a way of raising kids to complain!

 

To instill a new child behavior pattern, guide your child through the steps of that behavior calmly, patiently and repeatedly, until the child does it on his or her own.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Believe in Yourself

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Tuesday, November 15th, 2011

“To accomplish great things,

we must not only act,

but also dream;

not only plan, but also believe.”

 

~ Anatole France

 

Believe in yourself.

Feel good about what you do.

Act on your ideas.

Smile through the challenges.

Rejoice in your achievements!

Success is in your hands. Go for it!

 

Believe in Yourself

You become what you believe

Face Your Failures With A Smile

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Monday, November 7th, 2011

“When we begin to take our failures non-seriously –

it means we are ceasing to be afraid of them –

it is of immense importance

to learn to laugh at ourselves.”

 

~ Katherine Mansfield

 

 

Failures are great learning opportunities.

Take them in your stride and learn from them.

When you face your failures with a smile

and learn not to make the same mistakes again,

success will be yours!

inspiring children with wisdom

Face your failures with a smile

Kindness

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

“Kind hearts are the gardens.

Kind thoughts are the roots.

Kind words are the flowers.

Kind deeds are the fruits.

Take care of your garden

and keep out the weeds.

Fill it with sunshine,

kind words and kind deeds”

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Raising children with kindness

Raising children to appreciate kindness

Parenting Wisdom

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, October 28th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

mother quotes

Wise parenting, to me, means experiencing fulfillment and solving problems, not miserably reacting to my children in stress and strain

Be aware of the examples being set for your child is an essential piece of parenting advice.

Observe a toddler as he watches someone doing something, like bending down to touch the floor over and over.

Within moments, the toddler will mimic that behavior.

The way people behave around the child programs the child to behave similarly.

As you work on handling every aspect of your life more wisely, you lead your child along wisdom’s path.

Mother Quotes on Parenting Wisdom

  • “As I study life-wisdom sources, including wisdom classes, books, videos and CD’s, I find myself spiritually nurtured in a way that brings me peace.  I can then more easily bring greater peace into my parenting.”

  • “I want to be a wise mother, not just a “smart” mother. Too many highly educated mothers that I know are nervous wrecks with their children.  Wise parenting, to me, means experiencing fulfillment and solving problems, not miserably reacting to my children in stress and strain.”

How do you relate with the above two “mother quotes” about wisdom?

Do YOU have any parenting advice to share that pertains to preparing a child to lead a WISE life?

In this blog, share your thoughts and questions about wisdom and parenting.

The essence of wisdom is dedicating yourself to your ongoing personal development, for this is the foundation for improving your results and experiences in all areas of life, including parenting.

Parenting Advice: Wisdom is about aligning with the way life truly is. As you seek deeper understanding of the way life really is, you will be a better guide for your child.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Acknowledge Your Child’s Perfection

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, October 13th, 2011

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Positive discipline for improving child behavior

The child needs to accept her “wonderfulness” in order to manifest it in positive child behavior.

Positive discipline means guiding and establishing boundaries for children in ways that release the child’s healthy, higher potential.

We can describe discipline as “negative” when it produces negative results. Just yelling at a kid, scolding him, timing him out, spanking him, or depriving him of what he wants does not automatically lead that child into more intelligent, caring, responsible behavior. In fact, it often has the opposite effect.

Essential for positive discipline is relating with the child in ways that foster the child’s positive belief in himself. The child needs to accept her “wonderfulness” in order to manifest it in positive child behavior.

Does your child believe in herself/himself?

Do you agree that self-esteem impacts child-behavior?

In what ways do parents need to nurture, support, and protect
their child’s healthy self-esteem?

Share your thoughts, experiences and questions about this in this blog.

While we want our children to strive to fulfill their higher potential, we need to understand the delicate balance involved.

Focusing too much on what the child does “wrong”, or reacting with too much harshness in your attitude when your child “gets it wrong”, undermines the child’s belief in his ability to do any better. It actually fosters the child’s belief that it is his role to be the “mischief-maker”, and that belief drives him to behave poorly.

Our children need us to teach them how to love themselves just as they are, or at least to protect and nurture that healthy form of self-love that they possess inherently.

However your child behaves, realize that in a very important sense your child is already perfect.

The beauty that shines from your child is divine.

Use only POSITIVE discipline to help your child manifest the forms of self-conduct that express that innate perfection.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Improve Your Child’s Reactions

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, October 7th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

The foundation for improving child behavior is improving PARENT behavior.

The quality of your results with your child is a product of what you do.

Improve parent behavior to improve child behavior

Your child cannot demonstrate better self-control when you are losing yours.

As long as you continuing reacting in the same old ways, you continue re-producing the same old disappointing results.

Nature programs children to display personality and behavior patterns similar to those that they are exposed to.

Your child cannot demonstrate better self-control when you are losing yours.

Parents often complain about how their child reacts to not getting his way.

These parents need to look at how THEY react when the do not get THEIR way with their child.

Behavior is learned.  As you learn how to improve your reaction to your child’s reactions, you teach your child how to improve HER reactions.

How does your child react when you do not let him have his way, and how do YOU typically react to that?

How would you like your child to handle it
when she cannot have her way?

Share your thoughts and questions about improving children’s reactions in this blog for parents.

Tips for improving your child’s reactions:

  1. 1. Don’t blame your child for your loss of calm and loving composure.

  1. 2. Regard your reactions to your child’s disturbing behavior as modeling that teaches your child to react when things don’t go the way she wants.

  1. 3. Before you try to improve your child’s reactions, work on improving your reactions to his reactions.

Remember that your child is really NOT responsible for your behavior. How you respond to your child teaches your child how to behave.

To improve child behavior, improve your own.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Parent With Love

By Bob Lancer   |  Saturday, September 24th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

The most powerful parenting advice may also be about the simplest: parent with love.

 

While on the surface this parenting tip seems like it should go without saying, one of the most common and costly mistakes that parents make every day is to take it for granted that they ARE parenting with love.

 

Of course good parenting is loving parenting, but so many presume that parenting with love involves reacting with:

 

Parenting advice for parenting with love

The most powerful parenting advice may also be about the simplest: parent with love

  • Anger
  • Irritation
  • Annoyance
  • Disapproval
  • Disappointment
  • Overwhelm
  • Impatience
  • Frustration
  • Condemnation

The fact is, though, that reacting with the above forms of anger and stress BLOCKS love.

 

You cannot REALLY know, do or say what is truly best for your child under the influence of a stressful, negative emotional reaction.

 

Remember to parent with love IN THE NOW may be the most important and helpful parenting advice for:

 

  1. Leading your child into better behavior now
  2. Setting your child on a successful course of living in a loving way

 

 

What behaviors does your child demonstrate that makes
parenting with love the hardest for you?

What are the ways that your child demonstrates UN-loving behavior that you would like to change?

Share your thoughts and questions about this
important topic in this blog.

Parenting with love does not mean that you praise whatever your child does or that you indulge your child’s every desire.

 

It means that you remain centered in a calm, patient, loving state so that you can sense what truly is in your child’s best interest.

 

The more consistently you parent with love, the more powerfully your example leads your child to live in a loving way.

 

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Parenting Tips From a Dog’s Diary

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, August 30th, 2011

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parenting help

If a dog could keep a diary, there might be great lessons for better parenting that we could learn there

Perhaps the last place that we would look for parenting tips is in the pages of a dog’s diary!

 

But if a dog could keep a diary, there might be great lessons for better parenting that we could learn there. For instance:

 

• Today the home was calm and relaxed and that helped me to feel calm and relaxed.

 

• Today, I was harshly yelled at and it hurt my feelings. I was just doing the best I could.

 

• Today my master took me outside for exercise and that helped me to play calmly and quietly when I returned inside.

 

Each one of these “doggy entries” contain real parent help:

 

  • For children to behave in an orderly way they need to be in calm surroundings.
  • When we react harshly to a behavior we may needlessly hurt the child emotionally.
  • For children to demonstrate orderly conduct they need enough exercise.

Can you think of other parenting tips that can be learned
from an imaginary doggy diary?

What are some of the most valuable tips on
parenting that you have learned?

Please feel welcome to share your parenting problems
AND solutions in this blog.

Without meaning to demean children in any way, there really are worthwhile parenting tips that we can learn from observing our pets, including noticing how happy the feel when we spend pleasant quality time with them.

 

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Child Development: Teaching Children Boundaries

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

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Child development

When you bring child development into the process, you are teaching the child self-control

We usually think of teaching children boundaries as child discipline, but child development is an essential component of it.

The goal of teaching children boundaries is not merely stopping a problem behavior. If that is all you are after, you are not really teaching the child anything.  You are keeping yourself in the role of controlling your child.

 

When you bring child development into the process, you are teaching the child self-control.

 

Actually teaching responsible boundaries involves a child development process – developing the child’s the ability to recognize and remain within his/her own behavior-limits.

 

We actually fail teach children HOW to recognize and heed appropriate boundaries when we react with anger and stress. All we are doing then is to show them how to trigger us off.

 

Begin leading your child into the development of self-control by demonstrating healthy, responsible self-control yourself.

 

Reacting with anger and stress is not good for you. It wears you down, drains you of energy and joy.  At the same time, your angry reactions cause the child to be focused on how to keep YOU under control, not on keeping himself/herself under control.

 

When a human being, of any age, is emotionally worked up, his/her ability to demonstrate wise self-control is lost. There is simply too much energy surging through the nervous system to direct that energy into intelligent, loving behavior.

Positive child development includes developing the child’s ability to recognize the level of his/her emotional intensity, so the child can make the necessary adjustments to maintain positive control over his/her behavior.

 

Children are programmed to absorb and adopt the behavior and emotional patterns displayed around them. You begin teaching your child boundaries through child development by modeling healthy emotional self-control.

 

Parenting advice for child development

You begin teaching your child boundaries through child development by modeling healthy emotional self-control

Based on the child development principle of modeling, we also need to protect our children from over-exposure to other children how overstep boundaries. Children become like those they spend time with, whatever the age of the other person.

 

Another important principle of child development to keep in mind has to do with the habit-formation. Each time a child oversteps behavior boundaries, that way of behaving grows habitual. The sooner you step in to redirect the child, the easier it is to prevent the child from developing unruly behavior and the more you instill the pattern of appropriate behavior.

 

So another way that children learn boundaries through child development is by the parent’s practice of closely supervising the child to recognize when the child’s behavior is drifting off track, and then intervening as soon as possible to help the child get back on track.

 

From the age of around four-and-a-half the natural child development process takes your child into a new level of intellectual ability. At this stage the child can understand reasons clearly enough to apply them as a means of self-control.

 

From this point forward, by offering a clear, simple, accurate reason for the behavior you expect, you can expect more reasonable behavior from the child.  Development of the child’s power to behave reasonably requires that we exercise the child’s ability to connect reason with behavior.

Parental self-control is essential for this aspect of child development as well, because to the extent that we feel emotionally worked up, our ability to think and communicate reasonably is compromised.

 

In order for a child to comprehend and apply reason, the child must also be basically calm.

 

The more emotionally worked the parent, the more emotionally worked up the child will be around that parent, making it impossible for the child to control himself/herself in a reasonable way.

 

Teaching children boundaries through child development is the parent’s work on the emotional level.

 

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