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Parenting Wisdom For Easier Child Development

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, April 12th, 2013

Child development is a natural process, meaning that our children are naturally inclined to work as hard as possible on fulfilling their greater potential.

 

In fact, the deepest driving desire in a child is to demonstrate mastery, to grow more capable, to become all that he and she can be.

 

Just as the seed holds the pattern of growth and fruition of the plant, and just as the seed contains the internal drive to grow into its full potential, at the very core of their being our kids are internally guided and driven toward full child development.

 

Child Development Should be the Ultimate Motive of Parents

“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.” – Bill Ayers

A child of any age who appears to lack the motivation to do better may simply have “lost touch” with his or her own truest, deepest intention and desire.

 

As parents, we create or contribute to this tragic “disconnect” by fighting with the child.

 

The more we fight with our children, the more we suppress their own internal will to do better.

 

We really cannot “make” our children behave. The best we can do is to consistently provide influences that nurture and support their own motivation behave better.

 

We accomplish this by helping the child understand the behavior improvement that we expect. In terms of giving a child feedback, this is called “feed forward”.

 

Rather than criticize the child for what he DID wrong, clearly convey the behavior you expect moving forward.

 

Now here is a really crucial point. Avoid making that new behavior about you, about what you want, about doing what you say. It has to be about the child doing what his own intrinsic will for child development tells him.

 

For children under the age of six, you need to show them how you want them to behave, not just tell them. For children older than six, a clear, simple explanation of the behavior that you expect can suffice.

 

For instance, if your child refuses to stop playing and come to the dinner table, calmly demonstrate and / or explain exactly what behavior you expect.

 

For instance, you might explain, “I expect you to stop playing and come to the dinner table the first time I ask. Now, let’s pretend this is the first time. Please stop your play now and come sit at the dinner table. Let’s see if you can do that?”

 

If the child does it, show your satisfaction. Treat the accomplishment as a success for the child.

 

If the child ignores you again, you might try ignoring the child for the time being. Eat your dinner while the child’s dinner cools. The child learns from the consequence of his choices, and you don’t have to stress about it.

 

Don’t worry that you will “have” to give into a demand that you prepare the child a warm meal or snack later. Cross that bridge if you come to it, using the same guideline for working with the child development will.

 

When we get caught up in an argument or stressful power-struggle with our children we perpetuate conflict in the parent-child relationship and incite their emotional opposition to their own intrinsic motivation toward behavior improvement.

Child Behavior Wisdom: Protect Your Child’s Feelings

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
Parenting Skills

Do a deed of simple kindness; though its end you may not see, it may reach, like widening ripples, down a long eternity. ~ Joseph Norris

 

Here’s what makes child behavior management so challenging: kids, like adults, want to feel completely free to do as they please and to have what they want when they want it.
 

They don’t want to have to go to bed, wait their turn, forego another piece of candy, put their toys away before moving on to another activity, turn off the video game, come in from playing outside to do their homework, wash their hands before eating.
 

It’s human nature to desire absolute, complete autonomy, without limits.
 

A central human challenge is learning how to deal with limits, even as we strive to overcome them.
 

Responsible parenting certainly includes setting limits on our child’s behavior, at times, because what kid’s want is not always in their best interest.
 

Responsible parenting also requires setting limits on parent behavior.
 

Correcting child behavior too harshly injures the child emotionally.
 

Ironically, overly harsh correction breeds child unruliness.
 

It teaches children to demonstrate cruelty in their relationships.
 

Relating insensitively with a child’s feelings models insensitivity for the child, leading the child to relate insensitively with the feelings of others.
 

Being too rough on a child teaches the child to play too rough with others and to be too rough when handling of objects.
 

It fosters sloppiness, rudeness, and disrespect for order.
 

Ignoring children’s feelings teaches them to ignore their own finer sensibilities, including their sense of compassion for others.
 

Paying attention to your child while correcting or directing child behavior will reveal to you when you are reacting too harshly.
 

You can then set limits on yourself to avoid responding to child behavior in a hurtful way.
 

We parents need to set boundaries and sometimes say “No”, even when it deeply displeases the child.
 

But we need to do this compassionately, with genuine respect for the child’s tender heart.
 

We need to set boundaries on the child’s behavior to help the child demonstrate and develop responsible behavior patterns.
 

And we need to set limits on our way of parenting to insure that we consistently honor our child’s feelings.
 

But it’s easy to become so focused on what the child is doing “wrong” that we overlook the “wrong” way we are attempting to improve the situation.
 

Remember to pay attention to your child’s feelings when:

  • * Attempt to stop a problematic child behavior
  • * Attempting to direct the child into a behavior

 

Thus, you demonstrate important parent behavior wisdom: you protect your child’s feelings.

Parenting Wisdom For Developing Your Child’s Leadership

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

 

Give your kids all the freedom to control themselves that you can, but not too much.  Giving them enough freedom to find their own way develops their sense of who they really are and what they really want to do.  This prepares them to be able to find their own authentic path to fulfillment and success in adulthood.

Parenting Help For Child Development

Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit. ~ Robert Brault

 

It develops the child’s self-leadership power.

 

But of course, avoid giving kids too much responsibility for themselves.  You need to closely monitor your child to recognize when you need to intervene and establish boundaries.

 

If you give a child more freedom than he or she can responsibly handle, the child oversteps appropriate behavior boundaries and develops habitual behavior problems.

 

And when you do step in, avoid disciplining children using behaviors you don’t want them to copy, because nature programs children to imitate the behaviors that they witness and receive.

 

This means that yelling at children teaches them to yell.  Hitting children teaches them to hit.  Harshly criticizing and complaining to kids teaches them to display those negative speech patterns.

 

Remember this child behavior principle: How you react to not getting your way with your kids teaches your kids how to react when they don’t get their way.

 

Our responsibility as parents is to prepare our children to intelligently and constructively handle NOT getting their way.  This means responding to not getting their way in a way that really works for them, in a way that helps them to get your way in time.

 

This amounts to teaching kids the wise leadership skill of accountability.

 

Here is how that skill works:  Rather than blowing their top and blaming others when they do not like what happens, wise leaders accept responsibility for recognizing what they have done that led to what is happening, and how they can change to improve their results.

 

As you apply this parenting wisdom for developing leadership skill in your child, your child will demonstrate improved child behavior and you will not have to work as hard to keep your child’s conduct on a positive track.

 

Apply The Parenting Wisdom of Silence

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, May 31st, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Parenting Tips

The next time that you are faced with a child discipline challenge, before you speak, imagine that your child will forever remember what you are about to say.

 

When it comes to parenting wisdom, no principle may be more important than how we speak to our children.

 

What we say to our children impacts them deeply.

 

When we feel frustrated with our kids, it’s best to practice the parent wisdom of silence.

 

Under the influence of a disturbed emotional reaction to a child behavior challenge, we are most likely to say something that negatively impacts child self-esteem, self-confidence and performance.

 

What we say to our children forms their mental programming.

 

Telling a child that he never listens, calling a child a slob, labeling your kid selfish or stubborn proves to be a form of self-defeating parenting.

 

Skills in the area of verbal communication help you empower your child.

 

When we feel frustrated our parent-child communication skills are compromised.

 

The next time that you are faced with a child discipline challenge, before you speak, imagine that your child will forever remember what you are about to say.

 

Take a moment to calm down and think about the messages do you WANT your child to remember and live up to?

 

This morning, my 9 year old was making noise while his baby brother slept.

 

I felt like saying, “Why won’t you stop and think about how you are impacting your brother? He needs his sleep and I don’t want to have to deal with a cranky baby right now! Don’t you care about anyone but yourself?!”

 

But instead of blurting out harsh words, I paused, recognizing I was feeling too upset to speak constructively with my child.

 

So I remained silent.

 

Immediately I realized that all I needed to do was to place my hands on his shoulders and lovingly lead him to a place where his volume would not disturb his brother’s sleep.

 

I’m glad I applied the parenting wisdom of silence to protect his sacred heart.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Apply The Parenting Wisdom of Silence

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, April 27th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

When it comes to parenting wisdom, no principle may be more important than how we speak to our children.

 

Child Behavior Challenge

Under the influence of a disturbed emotional reaction to a child behavior challenge, we are most likely to say something that negatively impacts child self-esteem, self-confidence and performance.

What we say to our children impacts them deeply.

 

When we feel frustrated with our kids, it’s best to practice the parent wisdom of silence.

 

Under the influence of a disturbed emotional reaction to a child behavior challenge, we are most likely to say something that negatively impacts child self-esteem, self-confidence and performance.

 

What we say to our children forms their mental programming.

 

Telling a child that he never listens, calling a child a slob, labeling your kid selfish or stubborn proves to be a form of self-defeating parenting.

 

Skills in the area of verbal communication help you empower your child.

 

When we feel frustrated our parent-child communication skills are compromised.

 

The next time that you are faced with a child discipline challenge, before you speak, imagine that your child will forever remember what you are about to say.

 

Parenting Wisdom And The Child Behavior Challenge

The next time that you are faced with a child discipline challenge, before you speak, imagine that your child will forever remember what you are about to say

Take a moment to calm down and think about the messages do you WANT your child to remember and live up to?

 

This morning, my 9 year old was making noise while his baby brother slept.

 

I felt like saying, “Why won’t you stop and think about how you are impacting your brother?  He needs his sleep and I don’t want to have to deal with a cranky baby right now! Don’t you care about anyone but yourself?!”

 

But instead of blurting out harsh words, I paused, recognizing I was feeling too upset to speak constructively with my child.

 

So I remained silent.

 

Immediately I realized that all I needed to do was to place my hands on his shoulders and lovingly lead him to a place where his volume would not disturb his brother’s sleep.

 

I’m glad I applied the parenting wisdom of silence to protect his sacred heart.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

How To Raise A Wise Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Follow Parenting Wisdom With Your Child

Wisdom guides mastery in all fields of endeavor, including parenting.

To follow parenting wisdom with your child means that you are connecting with your own positive, loving and intelligent intuitive inner guidance.

 

You need to be calm, emotionally balanced, and aware in the now for this to happen.

 

When parents begin feeling frustrated in their efforts to control their child, they break their internal connection with the inner wisdom that can guide them toward healthier, happier parenting success.

 

For instance, if you begin feeling annoyed when your child interrupts your work or demands your attention while you are on the phone, your stressful reaction prevents you from handling the situation as well as you can, from producing the results that you really want.

 

Every parent needs to MASTER the experience of being distracted, to stay sane, content, and constructive.

 

Wisdom guides mastery in all fields of endeavor, including parenting.

 

Wisdom is an inspired state of consciousness that nurtures the soul.

 

When you demonstrate parenting wisdom in your relationship with your child, your inner, harmonious, enlightened state radiates, reaching and nurturing your child’s inner life with those same qualities, producing a happier, more loving and wise child.

 

Parents who complain that their children are too wild would do well to consider this way of helping their children to be more wise.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Solve Child Behavior Problems With Your Inner Parenting Expert

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, March 12th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Raising Successful Kids

To raise successful kids, don’t worry about them… BELIEVE in them.

In your quest for great parenting resources, you need look no further than at your own mind.

 

Your own subconscious contains profound answers to your parenting questions.

 

You have a great parenting expert inside of you!

 

To access your own expert parenting advice remember this:

What you envision comes to pass.  This proves true in every area of life, including raising kids.

 

To raise successful kids, don’t worry about them… BELIEVE in them.

 

You will enjoy the results of better parenting by envisioning your child behaving beautifully rather than behaving terribly.

 

When you envision your child as calm, confident, caring and capable, your subconscious responds by guiding you from within, showing you what to do to help your child in line with bringing that wonderful child development outcome about.

 

When we worry about our child’s behavior or character, we mentally picture our child demonstrating behavior problems and character weaknesses in the future.

 

This negative mental vision of the child blocks our subconscious capacity to provide us with wise parenting help for positive child development.  As a consequence of this blockage, we feel powerless, anxious, and out of control in the parent-child relationship.

 

Child Development

You will enjoy the results of better parenting by envisioning your child behaving beautifully rather than behaving terribly.

To employ the power of positive vision for raising children to fulfill their great potential, apply the following positive parenting tip: mentally reverse your child’s behavior problem.

 

For instance, if your child displays too much physical aggression, envision your child calmly behaving in a caring, self-contained manner.

 

If your child displays severe emotional breakdowns on a routine basis, provide your child with behavior help by mentally picturing your child demonstrating terrific emotional balance and healthy self-control.

 

When we worry about our child’s behavior, we envision behavior problems and thus make it harder to raise responsible kids.

 

But to solve or avoid child behavior problems, envision the way you would expect your child to behave if you solved those problems.This is how to access the parenting wisdom of your inner parenting expert.

 

Please feel welcome to share your comments in this blog about this parenting advice, and any questions you have about using the power of mental vision to help your kids display beautiful behavior.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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Raising Children Positively: Correcting Children Correctly

By Bob Lancer   |  Sunday, January 22nd, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


When it comes to raising children, how we respond to child behavior is so important.

 

Recognizing a child’s positive effort or performance “programs” the child’s subconscious to prompt the child to:

Responding To Child Behavior

Raising children with positive parenting skills requires that we exercise a high level of self-awareness and self-control

  • Respect himself or herself
  • Make further effort to do good work
  • To be helpful
  • To demonstrate a kind and caring attitude
  • To choose responsible behavior

How parents respond to a display of child misbehavior also influences child development in a powerful way.

 

If a child receives too much harsh, angry correction and criticism the child begins to believe that he or she just cannot get it right.  In other words, the child develops a low self-esteem problem.

 

This child then expects (and demands) less of himself or herself, and feels more inclined to behave carelessly, to react and rebel destructively.

 

To demonstrate parenting wisdom with children, respond carefully to how your child behaves.  Skillful parenting responses motivate your child to do better and better.

 

Raising children with positive parenting skills requires that we exercise a high level of self-awareness and self-control.

 

Otherwise, instead of demonstrating parenting wisdom with our kids, we might habitually react too harshly or too frequently.

 

Or we might not be sufficiently attentive in parenting to recognize when our positive recognition and acknowledgement can inspire our children to continue striving to do well.

 

What all of this really amounts to is the fact that conscious attunement to the child’s heart is an essential core of positive discipline.

 

You will receive your own “parenting advice” from within as you take a moment to calmly “read” your child’s feelings BEFORE reacting to any problem behavior.

 

You can then intuitively sense the way your child needs you to relate with him or her in the now.

 

Parenting tips:

  1. Provide your child with at least 10 expressions of your love and appreciation each day.
  2. Work on remaining calm, aware and sensitive when you engage in any form of child behavior correction or child discipline.
  3. Practice attentive parenting to notice when your child can benefit from your positive response to his or her positive effort.

 

Share your thoughts and questions in this blog about the parenting advice presented here for
raising children with healthy self-esteem.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

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