Home > Wisie Blog > Posts

Posts Tagged ‘raising children’

Parenting Skills & Child Self-Confidence

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, July 18th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Among the most important parenting skills has to do with supporting children’s belief in themselves.

 

Tips for parents for child behavior

The parenting skills most often sought by beleaguered parents focus on gaining control over the child

There are several parenting skills required for this:

 

1. Maintain enough emotional self-control to avoid projecting too much anger onto the child.

 

2. Speak carefully to the child to avoid denigrating the child’s view of himself/herself through harsh, critical verbal put-downs or excessive complaining.

 

3. Reject mental visions of the child that portray him or her as inadequate (because the visions of the child that we hold in mind operate as self-fulfilling prophesies.)

 

The parenting skills cited above are too often overlooked amid the heat of those moments filled with child behavior challenges.

 

The parenting skills most often sought by beleaguered parents
focus on gaining control over the child.

But parenting skills that support children’s belief in themselves help them to develop greater SELF-control.

 

The child who believes in himself / herself will:

 

  • Aspire to achieve great goals
  • Strive to overcome challenges
  • Go all out to demonstrates higher levels of ability
  • Courageously move forward through life’s inevitable difficulties.

Of all the parenting skills required for raising children who
believe in themselves, there is none more important
than parents believing in THEMSELVES.

The most challenging time for demonstrating genuine belief in oneself is when circumstances don’t support it, like when your children let you down with problematic behavior.

 

Another essential for supporting children’s self-confidence and self-esteem is honest self-awareness on the part of the parent.

 

You have to be aware of what you are really feeling deep down inside. Otherwise, you may very well react too harshly to your child’s behavior to compensate for your loss of belief in yourself.

 

To raise children who believe in themselves, develop the parenting skills of:

 

• Communicating consciously and compassionately with your child

• Demonstrating the emotional self-control to avoid undermining the child’s self-worth with harsh anger

• Maintaining a positive vision of your child

• Living with self-confidence and honest self-awareness.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Charity And Child Behavior

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, July 7th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Improving child behavior

You will not receive perfect behavior from your child all of the time. Charitable parenting understands this and forgives the child for being human.

Obviously, influences beyond the parent’s control impact child behavior.

 

However, a child’s behavior is still largely a product of the quality of parenting the child receives.

 

When it comes to correcting or directing your child’s behavior,
consider the importance of being charitable.

Children naturally test their boundaries. Even the best parenting advice cannot show you how to avoid this.

 

If you respond properly to boundary-testing, the child passes through it quickly and easily, as a very temporary phase.

 

If you respond improperly, the child may become stuck in that problem behavior, and even regress into more serious problems.

 

Good parenting includes letting behavior problems pass.

Parenting charitably means that you understand that children will overstep boundaries at times.

 

Charitable parenting does not mean being overly lenient or indulgent.

 

It means NOT reacting with so much harsh criticism that you cause the child to become stuck or to regress.

 

Charitable parenting is the best way to:

  • teach children to be charitable toward others
  • understand no one is perfect
  • not unreasonably demand perfection from themselves or from others

You will not receive perfect behavior from your child all of the time. Charitable parenting understands this and forgives the child for being human.

 

Here are 7 common ways that parents cause children to “get stuck” in problematic child behavior:

 

  1. Yelling at the child
  2. Shaming the child
  3. Causing the child to fear the parent’s wrath
  4. Setting limits when it is really not necessary
  5. Being insensitive or inattentive toward the child’s feelings
  6. Timing the child out when the child needs more close time with the parent
  7. Holding onto a grudge – continuing to resent the child for the child’s past mistakes

As you practice responding charitably to disturbing behavior, you help your child pass through challenging phases into more and more beautiful child behavior.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Children, Parents and Thought-Power

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, June 8th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

One of the most important life wisdom lessons that children and parents can discuss has to do with the power of thought.

Understanding how thought influences what happens to them can make for happier and more successful children.  Parents can begin teaching this lesson to their children at the earliest stages of infancy.

 

Thought power for personal development of children

Understanding how thought influences what happens to them can make for happier and more successful children.

This is because the development of the child’s attitude is influenced by the demonstration of the parent’s attitude, long before the child can form any concept of what is going on.

 

The parent who takes charge of his or her thinking is bound to display a more positive, hopeful attitude, and waste less energy on negative, despondent moods.

 

Just as we nurture our children’s bodies on the food we serve, we nurture them spiritually on the level of attitude and motivation that we express around them.

 

Discuss creative power of thought
with your children.

Parents should keep in mind that from around the age of around 3-years they can “plant seeds” of “thought power wisdom” in the minds of their children by talking about how thinking about what you want to happen helps it to happen.

 

Suggest to the child that she:

 

  • Think about doing easily what she now finds difficult doing
  • Expect to have a pleasant time instead of an unpleasant time
  • Imagine herself smiling when she feels a little blue

This begins to lay the ground-work for the child to awaken to the positive use of thought, in time.

 

From the age of 5 and up, point to objects in the environment and say something like, “This desk began with an idea of a desk, and holding the idea of the desk in mind helped them build the desk” to your children.

Parents who repeatedly discuss “thought power” with their children, provide those children with a priceless advantage.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Child Development: Teaching Children Boundaries

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Child development

When you bring child development into the process, you are teaching the child self-control

We usually think of teaching children boundaries as child discipline, but child development is an essential component of it.

The goal of teaching children boundaries is not merely stopping a problem behavior. If that is all you are after, you are not really teaching the child anything.  You are keeping yourself in the role of controlling your child.

 

When you bring child development into the process, you are teaching the child self-control.

 

Actually teaching responsible boundaries involves a child development process – developing the child’s the ability to recognize and remain within his/her own behavior-limits.

 

We actually fail teach children HOW to recognize and heed appropriate boundaries when we react with anger and stress. All we are doing then is to show them how to trigger us off.

 

Begin leading your child into the development of self-control by demonstrating healthy, responsible self-control yourself.

 

Reacting with anger and stress is not good for you. It wears you down, drains you of energy and joy.  At the same time, your angry reactions cause the child to be focused on how to keep YOU under control, not on keeping himself/herself under control.

 

When a human being, of any age, is emotionally worked up, his/her ability to demonstrate wise self-control is lost. There is simply too much energy surging through the nervous system to direct that energy into intelligent, loving behavior.

Positive child development includes developing the child’s ability to recognize the level of his/her emotional intensity, so the child can make the necessary adjustments to maintain positive control over his/her behavior.

 

Children are programmed to absorb and adopt the behavior and emotional patterns displayed around them. You begin teaching your child boundaries through child development by modeling healthy emotional self-control.

 

Parenting advice for child development

You begin teaching your child boundaries through child development by modeling healthy emotional self-control

Based on the child development principle of modeling, we also need to protect our children from over-exposure to other children how overstep boundaries. Children become like those they spend time with, whatever the age of the other person.

 

Another important principle of child development to keep in mind has to do with the habit-formation. Each time a child oversteps behavior boundaries, that way of behaving grows habitual. The sooner you step in to redirect the child, the easier it is to prevent the child from developing unruly behavior and the more you instill the pattern of appropriate behavior.

 

So another way that children learn boundaries through child development is by the parent’s practice of closely supervising the child to recognize when the child’s behavior is drifting off track, and then intervening as soon as possible to help the child get back on track.

 

From the age of around four-and-a-half the natural child development process takes your child into a new level of intellectual ability. At this stage the child can understand reasons clearly enough to apply them as a means of self-control.

 

From this point forward, by offering a clear, simple, accurate reason for the behavior you expect, you can expect more reasonable behavior from the child.  Development of the child’s power to behave reasonably requires that we exercise the child’s ability to connect reason with behavior.

Parental self-control is essential for this aspect of child development as well, because to the extent that we feel emotionally worked up, our ability to think and communicate reasonably is compromised.

 

In order for a child to comprehend and apply reason, the child must also be basically calm.

 

The more emotionally worked the parent, the more emotionally worked up the child will be around that parent, making it impossible for the child to control himself/herself in a reasonable way.

 

Teaching children boundaries through child development is the parent’s work on the emotional level.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...