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Child Behavior Wisdom: Protect Your Child’s Feelings

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
Parenting Skills

Do a deed of simple kindness; though its end you may not see, it may reach, like widening ripples, down a long eternity. ~ Joseph Norris

 

Here’s what makes child behavior management so challenging: kids, like adults, want to feel completely free to do as they please and to have what they want when they want it.
 

They don’t want to have to go to bed, wait their turn, forego another piece of candy, put their toys away before moving on to another activity, turn off the video game, come in from playing outside to do their homework, wash their hands before eating.
 

It’s human nature to desire absolute, complete autonomy, without limits.
 

A central human challenge is learning how to deal with limits, even as we strive to overcome them.
 

Responsible parenting certainly includes setting limits on our child’s behavior, at times, because what kid’s want is not always in their best interest.
 

Responsible parenting also requires setting limits on parent behavior.
 

Correcting child behavior too harshly injures the child emotionally.
 

Ironically, overly harsh correction breeds child unruliness.
 

It teaches children to demonstrate cruelty in their relationships.
 

Relating insensitively with a child’s feelings models insensitivity for the child, leading the child to relate insensitively with the feelings of others.
 

Being too rough on a child teaches the child to play too rough with others and to be too rough when handling of objects.
 

It fosters sloppiness, rudeness, and disrespect for order.
 

Ignoring children’s feelings teaches them to ignore their own finer sensibilities, including their sense of compassion for others.
 

Paying attention to your child while correcting or directing child behavior will reveal to you when you are reacting too harshly.
 

You can then set limits on yourself to avoid responding to child behavior in a hurtful way.
 

We parents need to set boundaries and sometimes say “No”, even when it deeply displeases the child.
 

But we need to do this compassionately, with genuine respect for the child’s tender heart.
 

We need to set boundaries on the child’s behavior to help the child demonstrate and develop responsible behavior patterns.
 

And we need to set limits on our way of parenting to insure that we consistently honor our child’s feelings.
 

But it’s easy to become so focused on what the child is doing “wrong” that we overlook the “wrong” way we are attempting to improve the situation.
 

Remember to pay attention to your child’s feelings when:

  • * Attempt to stop a problematic child behavior
  • * Attempting to direct the child into a behavior

 

Thus, you demonstrate important parent behavior wisdom: you protect your child’s feelings.

Parenting Advice For Raising Successful Children

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, October 12th, 2012
Positive Inspiration For Raising Kids

In our hurry to be a perfect parent, we risk excessive discipline or over indulgence. Keep the balance. Be a parent, friend, guide and mentor to your child.

When we react to child behavior with anger, stress and strain, we may be trying too hard to help our children succeed in living up to our expectations.

 

We parents want our children to follow our rules, but the parenting strategy we employ to make that happen may undermine our objective, cause us pointless parent frustration and cause the child needless suffering.

 

Reacting with impatience and anger to motivate your child to do as you say makes parenting children a miserable strain and drain AND it doesn’t really work.

 

While routinely reacting to a child’s lapse in behavior with harsh, angry criticism, pitiful complaining and intimidating demands is a common parenting strategy, it can undermine the child’s ability to succeed in life.

 

You may get your child to comply with your demand by yelling, threatening or complaining in extreme frustration, but the intense dissatisfaction you express erodes the child’s self-confidence and self-esteem.

 

This emotional erosion not only causes the child needless suffering, it ends up lowering the child’s ability to perform and ends up worsening the child’s behavior problem in the long run.

 

Raising kids who are self-motivated to be successful requires that we honor their need to believe in themselves.

 

When children believe in themselves, they feel motivated to do their best to live up to their parent’s positive expectations, as well as the expectations of teachers. 

 

Build Self Confidence In Children

Love your children the way they are. Each child is unique, each child is special.

They see themselves capable of succeeding, and this can develop into a long term pattern of positive motivation.

 

When a child sees himself as capable of succeeding, the child has the motivation to do what it takes to succeed.

 

So the parent advice we need is how to constructively and compassionately lead children into higher performance.

 

The answer is for the parent to lose the habit of angry criticism and complaining.  Replace it with closer supervision and more constructive involvement in the parent child relationship.

 

Calmly guide your child to follow the rule that he breaks.  Each time that you help her to successfully follow the rule her self-discipline grows stronger.

 

Pro-actively engage the child in, say, flushing the toilet, turning off the light when he leaves the room, closing his drawers, cleaning up his mess before moving into another activity, instead of impatiently criticizing, complaining or blowing your top.

 

When you see her about to, say, use her fingers to eat her pasta, remind her to use her fork.  When she follows the rule, even with your help, she see’s herself succeeding.  You can nurture her self-esteem further by saying something like, “Good work.”

 

Each time you give your child the help he needs to succeed, your child receives a “training” that develops his drive and commitment to success.

 

Admittedly, following this parenting advice for raising successful children takes work, but it is proves less taxing and far more constructive, than relying on reactions of extreme harshness.

 

Parenting Advice: Stay Connected With Your Children

By Noah Brown   |  Friday, September 7th, 2012

Does your child display anger and agitation at public places? Check out this useful advice on parenting!

 

(Editor’s Note: This is a guest blog by Noah Brown, a prolific freelance writer who writes extensively on advice for parents, child behavior and parent child relationship issues.)

 

Good Parenting

Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each. ~ Plato

Anyone who has ever witnessed poor child behavior in a public place automatically looks at the parents as if they simply allow the child to run amuck and do whatever he pleases. In many cases, parents find it difficult to correct a misbehaving child without yelling or hitting.

 

Most working parents leave raising their child up to a daycare, babysitters, and nannies or even to the teachers at school. The truth is that there is no person in the world who can raise your kid better than you.

 

If you have to go off to work to support your family, rules must be set for the kids as well as their caretakers. By following this parenting advice, you will not only see a great improvement in child behavior but also grow stronger and closer child parent relationships.

 

Those Terrible Tantrums

One of the most nerve wracking child behavior problems that a parent must endure is tantrums. A lot of people think that tantrums are a normal part of child development but they are wrong. Kids throw temper tantrums to get what they want and to control their parents.

 

It is essential that you find a solution and get expert parenting advice to improve this child behavior immediately. You should calmly and quietly inform the children that if they do not stop misbehaving, they will go into time out or lose other privileges such as their favorite TV show or a special toy.

 

If the child behavior does not improve, follow through with the time out or sanctions. It enables you to teach the child that you are the authority figure. He will learn to respect you and eventually the child parent relationships grow stronger.

 

Don’t Feed the Finicky

 

Children use to dominate the dinner menu by refusing to eat what is on the table. Many parents, especially working parents who lack good parenting skills simply give in and whip up chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese rather than teaching the kids to eat the meal that has been prepared for the family. You must put your foot down and make them eat their meals.

 

Should they choose not to eat, send them to bed and wrap the meal for the following day. The child will learn to eat what is available. Knowing that you won’t back down will show the child that you mean business and he will learn to obey you.

 

Handling Homework Troubles

Nearly every grade school kid tries to avoid doing their homework. This is a common child behavior however; it must be corrected as your child’s education is of the utmost importance. It’s best to set aside a specific time for getting homework completed. Your child might tell you that he has no homework and expect to go out to play. This should never happen.

 

When a child tells their parents they don’t have homework, the parents need to realize that they may or may not be telling the truth. The scheduled time for homework should always be utilized for education. If there is no homework on a given day, the child should spend the time studying or preparing themselves for the next lesson.

 

Working parents should hold fast to this schedule as making time to meet with teachers can be difficult as well as problematic for your employer. Once the child understands that this time is always dedicated to his studies, their homework will never be undone, according to child behavior counselors.

 

Showing the child you are concerned about his education is a very important element of good parenting and an effective technique for inspiring children.

 

When It Is Wise To Ignore Your Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Saturday, June 23rd, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

To skillfully support child development, remember that there is a time for responding to your child and a time for NOT responding.

support child development

One key for raising children toward self-reliance is the parenting practice of being just responsive enough

If we are not responsive enough, we lose parental control as our child grows frustrated.

 

This is because and a frustrated child (like a frustrated adult) cannot help but slip into some form of behavior problem.

We teach our children, and the education may prove negative, through the way that we respond to our kids.

 

Being too non-responsive not only frustrates the child with the sense of denied parent access. It teaches the child, through our modeling, to BE non-responsive. This may manifest as the child not “listening” and being generally inattentive.

 

But, while a sufficient amount of parental involvement is crucial for positive child development and child behavior, it is also possible to be TOO responsive with a child.

 

If we respond automatically to a child’s request (or demand) for our attention, assistance or cooperation we demonstrate a weak form of child behavior management that actually trains the child to be overly demanding.

 

We also needlessly exhaust ourselves through the form of excessive parent involvement that we can describe as being overly responsive.

 

Help for parents who over-stress themselves through excessive responsiveness arrives as they apply the self-help wisdom of being more conscious in parenting.

 

Sometimes it is better to not respond as a means of teaching the child that the behavior she is using to get our response is unacceptable.

 

One key for raising children toward self-reliance is the parenting practice of being just responsive enough.

 

Be aware during your parent-child interactions to avoid automatically reacting to your child without first pausing to determine if reacting in the way that you are about to react is really wise right now.

 

If you HABITUALLY respond when your child demands your attention, you produce your own frustration and lead your child toward the relationship problems that stem from being overly demanding.

 

Don’t blame your child for this.  Realize that your reactions of stress and strain are NOT your child’s responsibility.  How you react is YOUR responsibility.

 

Practice the parenting wisdom of more CONSCIOUS parenting to more alertly recognize when you need to respond, and when you need to deliberately NOT respond to your child, for the best parenting results and experiences.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Motivate Your Child – Mother Quotes Of Wisdom

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Thursday, May 10th, 2012

 

Wisdom For Children

“Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice”

 

Wisdom For Children

One good mother is worth a hundred schoolmasters. ~ George Herbert

 

Parenting Skills

"A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary." ~ Dorothy Canfield Fisher

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How To Raise A Wise Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Follow Parenting Wisdom With Your Child

Wisdom guides mastery in all fields of endeavor, including parenting.

To follow parenting wisdom with your child means that you are connecting with your own positive, loving and intelligent intuitive inner guidance.

 

You need to be calm, emotionally balanced, and aware in the now for this to happen.

 

When parents begin feeling frustrated in their efforts to control their child, they break their internal connection with the inner wisdom that can guide them toward healthier, happier parenting success.

 

For instance, if you begin feeling annoyed when your child interrupts your work or demands your attention while you are on the phone, your stressful reaction prevents you from handling the situation as well as you can, from producing the results that you really want.

 

Every parent needs to MASTER the experience of being distracted, to stay sane, content, and constructive.

 

Wisdom guides mastery in all fields of endeavor, including parenting.

 

Wisdom is an inspired state of consciousness that nurtures the soul.

 

When you demonstrate parenting wisdom in your relationship with your child, your inner, harmonious, enlightened state radiates, reaching and nurturing your child’s inner life with those same qualities, producing a happier, more loving and wise child.

 

Parents who complain that their children are too wild would do well to consider this way of helping their children to be more wise.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Create Great Times With Your Kids

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, February 9th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Children and parents thrive on a positive, creative relationship with one another.

 

Child Behavior Improvement Tip

Child behavior improves when parents engage with their children in loving, creative ways

Child behavior improves when parents engage with their children in loving, creative ways.

 

Parents feel energized, rather than drained, by their time with their kids when they focus on creating great times with them.

 

Raising children becomes easier, more fun and produces better behaved children when parents work on making their time with their kids interesting, exciting and pleasant.

 

When parents see children as wild creatures they need to control, instead of as wonderful partners in creating joyful times together, parenting feels more like a burden than a blessing.

 

Raising kids well takes work, but remember to work at making every moment with your child a positively engaging experience for you both.

 

Parenting skills should not just be about disciplining children.  They need to be about coming up with clever ways of being with the child and leading the child through joyful acts of bonding.

 

Parenting Tips:

1. Don’t just tell your child what to do.  Think up a playful way to lead.  For instance, if you need to turn off the TV because your child has been watching long enough, dance and sing as you do it, to see if you can get a smile instead of a frown.

 

2. Does your child resist bedtime?  Make it part of your PARENT discipline to remain loving, and to find new and creative ways to start bedtime each evening.  For instance, you might bend over and speak to your child with your head upside down.  You might race your child to his bed.

 

3. Brainstorm with your spouse, or even with your child, to come up with fun, creative ways to lead your child into responsible behavior.

 

Passive parenting is so much more fun than stern, serious parenting.

Would you like to receive some creative, fun ideas for handling a child behavior problem?

Share them in this blog to receive some creative, fun AND PRACTICAL parenting tips.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Being Patient With Inappropriate Child Behavior

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

This blog post is about the wisdom of patient parenting.

 

Wisdom Of Patient Parenting With Inappropriate Child Behavior

For parenting your child with wisdom, you sometimes have to be patient with NOT KNOWING what to do about a child discipline challenge

To follow the guidance of wisdom with our children often requires patience.

 

For instance, you may not know exactly what it will take from you to motivate your child to, say, eat with utensils instead of with his fingers, to seriously apply herself to homework, to stop screaming out in public.

 

Wisdom comes with a flash of inspiration, but kids often catch us off guard with a surprising behavior.

 

A problem, for instance a child telling lies, can come out of the blue.

 

You have a parenting expert within you, an inner parenting guide that can lead you.

 

But the parenting guidance you need may not always arrive as quickly as you want it to.

 

Wisdom follows a rhythmic, cyclic pattern like all organic processes.

 

It blooms at times, but at other times it seems to lie dormant.  At those times, we just don’t know what to do to be successful parents, to help our children fulfill their great potential.

 

You don’t have to know all the answers right away to be a good parent. If that was necessary, there would be no good parents!

 

For parenting your child with wisdom, you sometimes have to be patient with NOT KNOWING what to do about a child discipline challenge.

 

Remain calm, even while your child behaves inappropriately, with your mind open and alert to recognize the dawning of a positive parenting strategy.

 

Try not to worry about your child drawing the conclusion that you approve of his unacceptable behavior.  That will only stress you out, and when you feel stress you make child behavior problems more difficult, if not impossible, for you to solve.

 

Some child behavior solutions can take months to solve!  Some behaviors remain beyond our parental control, and we simply have to endure the problem, without making it worse, until the child outgrows it.

 

Patience means trusting the time it takes for wisdom’s inner guidance to lead you.

 

Passive parenting means you do less than you can to help your child develop responsible behavior.

Patient parenting means that you avoid reacting hastily, and await and follow wisdom’s guidance.

What challenging behaviors does your child demonstrate that you feel clueless about solving?

Share them in this blog to receive some practical suggestions.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Raising Children Positively: Correcting Children Correctly

By Bob Lancer   |  Sunday, January 22nd, 2012

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


When it comes to raising children, how we respond to child behavior is so important.

 

Recognizing a child’s positive effort or performance “programs” the child’s subconscious to prompt the child to:

Responding To Child Behavior

Raising children with positive parenting skills requires that we exercise a high level of self-awareness and self-control

  • Respect himself or herself
  • Make further effort to do good work
  • To be helpful
  • To demonstrate a kind and caring attitude
  • To choose responsible behavior

How parents respond to a display of child misbehavior also influences child development in a powerful way.

 

If a child receives too much harsh, angry correction and criticism the child begins to believe that he or she just cannot get it right.  In other words, the child develops a low self-esteem problem.

 

This child then expects (and demands) less of himself or herself, and feels more inclined to behave carelessly, to react and rebel destructively.

 

To demonstrate parenting wisdom with children, respond carefully to how your child behaves.  Skillful parenting responses motivate your child to do better and better.

 

Raising children with positive parenting skills requires that we exercise a high level of self-awareness and self-control.

 

Otherwise, instead of demonstrating parenting wisdom with our kids, we might habitually react too harshly or too frequently.

 

Or we might not be sufficiently attentive in parenting to recognize when our positive recognition and acknowledgement can inspire our children to continue striving to do well.

 

What all of this really amounts to is the fact that conscious attunement to the child’s heart is an essential core of positive discipline.

 

You will receive your own “parenting advice” from within as you take a moment to calmly “read” your child’s feelings BEFORE reacting to any problem behavior.

 

You can then intuitively sense the way your child needs you to relate with him or her in the now.

 

Parenting tips:

  1. Provide your child with at least 10 expressions of your love and appreciation each day.
  2. Work on remaining calm, aware and sensitive when you engage in any form of child behavior correction or child discipline.
  3. Practice attentive parenting to notice when your child can benefit from your positive response to his or her positive effort.

 

Share your thoughts and questions in this blog about the parenting advice presented here for
raising children with healthy self-esteem.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Help Your Child Outgrow Behavior Problems

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, January 5th, 2012

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Understanding Child Behavior

If you expect your child to behave so perfectly all the time that you never feel challenged, perplexed or overwhelmed, you expectation is overly optimistic

Child behavior problems or challenges are unavoidable.

If you expect your child to behave so perfectly all the time that you never feel challenged, perplexed or overwhelmed, you expectation is overly optimistic.

Children DO test us, and in surprising ways.

However wonderful your child may USUALLY behavior, whatever magnificent character she very often displays, her behavior will at times surprise you with a problem behavior you did not expect.

Two valuable tips for parents include:

  1. As part of your personal parenting strategy, be psychologically prepared to feel challenged by the way that your child behaves.
  1. Understand that child behavior is not permanent.  If we respond properly to a behavior problem, the child develops beyond it in a short time.

In my parenting classes, parents seek advice on how to handle everyday parenting challenges like sibling rivalry, bedtime issues, setting rules, establishing boundaries, child aggression, talking back disrespectfully, teaching politeness, encouraging honesty, etc.

But underneath their parenting questions I can see that at some level they often seem to feel that their child should NOT be presenting them with these problems; that children SHOULD behave well.

Adjusting expectations to be realistic is fundamental for any successful parent strategy.

When your child displays a problematic behavior, it does not mean that you are an inadequate parent and it does not mean that your child essentially wrong or bad for behaving in a disturbing way.

It means that you are encountering the reality of parenting.

Our parental responsibility, when it comes to child behavior management or child discipline, is to respond to the behavior in a way that supports the positive behavior changes that we want, and that avoids causing the child to become stuck in a problem behavior pattern.

Parenting Tips to help your child outgrow inappropriate self-conduct:
1. When you react to a behavior with much anger and stress you risk blocking the child from outgrowing that behavior.  This is because your emotional intensity indices child defensiveness.
2. Remaining calm, consider the sort of response your child needs from you to improve his or her behavior.
3. If you don’t know what to do, remain calm and patient. The child may most quickly outgrow the behavior without your intervention.

 

Share your experiences, thoughts and questions regarding this strategy for successfully dealing with child behavior in this blog.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

The Wisdom Of Doing Nothing

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Parenting Strategies For Child Discipline

It is as if we presume that we are always supposed to have perfect parenting strategies, that we must always do something to fix a child discipline problem.

 

Here is some parenting advice for child discipline that may surprise you:

  1. It’s okay to not know what to do about a child behavior problem.
  2. When you don’t know what to do, it’s often wise to do NOTHING.

 

When your child behaves in a disturbing way, as parents we feel compelled to do something about it.

 

It is as if we presume that we are always supposed to have perfect parenting strategies, that we must always do something to fix a child discipline problem.

 

When your infant cries on and on, when your toddler throws something in a rage, when your older child tells you something that you know is untrue, if you feel clueless, remember this important piece of responsible parenting wisdom:  Sometimes doing nothing is better than doing something.

 

When you presume that you must do SOMETHING, instead of effectively teaching your child, you probably end up complaining, criticizing, nagging, yelling, arguing or endlessly negotiating, which does nothing but wear you down and promote more behavior problems.

 

We need to practice the effective parenting wisdom of being non-reactive when we don’t know what to do for improved child discipline.

 

The time to apply this parenting advice is when you realize that you really don’t know what to do.

Raising Children with Child Discipline

We need to practice the effective parenting wisdom of being non-reactive when we don’t know what to do for improved child discipline.

Here is a parenting exercise:

 

 

  1. 1. The next time your child behaves in a way that you are uncertain about how to handle, remain calm and don’t say or do anything to your child.  Discipline yourself to remain non-reactive.

 

  1. 2. Be sure to apply this to the EMOTIONAL level as well.  By that I mean remain EMOTIONALLY non-reactive by staying calm instead of slipping into anger, frustration, or any form of emotional overwhelm.

 

  1. 3. EXAMPLE: if your child left a mess and refused to clean it up when you asked him to do so, and you know that pushing the child further will only lead to increasing chaos relax.  If you want the mess cleaned up right now, clean it yourself, calmly, without resentment, and without worrying that your child is learning to take advantage of you, to disrespect you, to be messy.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not suggesting that you apply the parenting advice of doing nothing ALL the time – only when you don’t know what to do to improve child discipline.

 

 

Of course, the more you learn from study and parenting experience, the more you will know just what to do for positive child discipline results. But there are still bound to be instances when you feel clueless.

 

That doesn’t make you a bad parent. Doing nothing, when you don’t know what to do, makes you a wiser parent than one who simply reacts blindly.

 

Please feel welcome to share instances when you don’t know what to do for better child discipline.  Perhaps I, or your fellow bloggers, will have some parenting advice that you can try.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.


 

 

Positive Parenting Wisdom

By Bob Lancer   |  Sunday, December 18th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

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new child behavior pattern

It is essential to eliminate the use of complaining as a means of solving behavior problems

One of the common parenting mistakes I have observed as a parent and as a parenting seminar leader and consultant who has worked directly with thousands of families, is confusing complaining with effectively improving child behavior.

 

When we complain to our kids about a behavior problem, like not putting their things away or eating like a barbarian at the dinner table, we really are NOT leading them to more responsible child behavior.

 

Raising kids to display a higher level of self-discipline is accomplished by patiently guiding the child, step-by-step, through the new child discipline pattern you want established.

 

And to SUCCESSFULLY establish a new child behavior pattern, you have to be willing to repeat this patient, step-by-step leadership over and over again, until it becomes the child’s new habit.

Try this exercise:

  1. Make a list of the child behavior problems that you face in raising your kids. want your child display.
  2. Envision the new child behavior you want in place of that problem.
  3. The next time that your child demonstrates the behavior problem, instead of complaining, calmly, patiently guide your child step-by-step through the new behavior that you want.

 

Contribute to the Parenting Wisdom of the planet by sharing the results of this exercise, and any questions you have about it, in this blog.


 

One additional point: It is essential to eliminate the use of complaining as a means of solving behavior problems.

 

When we complain to our kids, we incite their defensiveness, not their cooperation.

 

Complaining is a way of raising kids to complain!

 

To instill a new child behavior pattern, guide your child through the steps of that behavior calmly, patiently and repeatedly, until the child does it on his or her own.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

The Wisdom of Positive Motivation

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, December 5th, 2011

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Positive Motivation For Children

It really IS possible to lead a child, and to teach a child, in a loving, mutually pleasing manner

Using positive motivation with children often works best.

When a child does not behave as you expect, a disciplinary response is not always the answer.

Often, all the child needs is to feel a loving connection with you.

That loving connection makes the child feel happy and INSPIRES the child to cooperate with you.

When the child feels deeply pleased, the child feels inspired to please.

Using positive motivation with children maintains a loving, happy parent-child bond, and that represents the most fundamental demonstration of parental wisdom with kids.

It not only leads the child into higher performance, it also permits BOTH parent and child to more deeply enjoy the parent-child relationship.

It really IS possible to lead a child, and to teach a child, in a loving, mutually pleasing manner.

When we lose our patience, yell, nag, plead, argue or punish, we may be making parenting harder than it needs to be on ourselves and on our children.

Try this exercise.

Commit yourself to remaining calm, relaxed, pleasant and loving for an entire day, NO MATTER HOW YOUR CHILD BEHAVES.

In what instances do you use strictness or even anger to direct your child?  Try to think up more pleasant, loving, even happy ways that you can successfully function in those instances.

Contribute to other parents’ Wisdom with Kids by sharing the results of these two exercises in this blog.

Connecting in relaxed, loving, even fun ways with children inspires them to connect with US in pleasing ways.Using positive motivation with children does not mean bribing them with special rewards.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Kindness Inspires Hearts of Children

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, November 17th, 2011

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

motivation children

Our kids need to regard their own feelings as important if they are to relate with other children, and even pets, with sensitivity

In the Wisie Inspiration for Kids video, “Choose Kindness”, the child is reminded: “Kindness makes hearts happy.”

We parents need to remember that kindness also makes our children feel INSPIRED.

Just like adults, children need to feel inspired to deal with the challenges THEY must face.

To do their best, children, like adults, need motivation.

Children lose motivation when the feel heavy-hearted.

We adults often seem to think that kids have no real challenges, compared to those that we must face, like making a living, keeping the home in order, and dealing with the children.

But children don’t really have it that easy:

  • They feel frustrated by all they are unable to do
  • They are sensitive to all the pain felt by those around them (even when they do not show it in obvious ways)
  • Being teased, left out of a game, feeling overlooked in class, messing up in sports, coming in second or even last place in ANYTHING, can drain inspiration from kids.

It’s important that we do NOT minimize our children’s emotional suffering while making our own emotional needs seem all-important.

In what instances do you find it most challenging to
relate kindly with your children?

In what ways do YOU support positive motivation in your children?

In this blog, share your thoughts and questions about the wisdom of
providing children with a sufficient amount of inspiration.

Our kids need to regard their own feelings as important if they are to relate with other children, and even pets, with sensitivity.

When we treat children unkindly we risk teaching them to believe that they are unworthy of kind treatment.  This sets them up to gravitate toward other children who do not treat them very well.

As it says in the “Choose Kindness” Wisie for Kids video, “…you deserve to be treated well, just because you are you…”

As we inspire our children with an abundance of OUR kindness, we teach them to actually LIVE as if they really deserve to be treated well.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Excellence

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

“We are what we repeatedly do;

excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”


 

~ Aristotle


Do everything you do with all your efforts and sincerity.

Get into the habit of excelling yourself.

You will love the experience.

Wisdom for Children

Do everything you do with all your efforts and sincerity.

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