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Helping Your Child Overcome a Fear of the Dentist

By Guest Author   |  Monday, December 10th, 2012

There is something about lying helplessly on a chair amid glaring lights, unfamiliar sights, and nerve-wracking sounds in the dentist’s office that turns even the most macho of men into nervous cowards.

 

parenting kids without fear

A positive attitude of both parents and the dentist makes your child feel comfortable in the dentist chair.

If the dentist can cause adults to shake in their boots, how do you think the younger folks among us feel?

 

Parents of small children know the effort it can take to get children to cooperate at the dentist, especially if previous visits were not the best of experiences.

 

If you have kids, the last thing you want to do is create a habit of perpetual fear that makes going to the dentist a dreaded occasion for everyone involved. A successful first visit can set the stage for a lifetime of positive dental experiences.

 

Start Early

 

Early dental attention is important to dental health throughout one’s life. In addition, early trips to the dentist can help a parent know how best to care for her child’s teeth.

 

One of the biggest mistakes a parent can make is putting off the child’s first dental visit until an issue arises that needs attention. If the first trip to the dentist involves pain and discomfort, the child learns that the dentist’s office is an unpleasant place to be.

 

Early visits to the dentist can be a fun experience for your child, especially if you choose a dentist that specializes in pediatric care. Such dental offices are prepared to make dental appointments a positive experience for your child.

 

Many dentists are joining the ADA in recommending a first visit to the dentist by age 1 in order to catch any early problems and to start kids on the path to appreciating a healthy mouth.

 

Choose Well

 

Finding a dentist for your child is an important task. The attitude of the dentist and his staff has the possibility of affecting your child’s dental experiences for the rest of his life. Some helpful ideas for selecting a dentist include:

 

  • Recommendations – Ask other parents about their kids’ dentists. Word of mouth is a great way to find out who is good and who to avoid.
  • Tour – Once you have narrowed down your choices, stop in for a tour of the office. Child-friendly dental offices should feature bright colors, child-size seats, exciting decorations, and child-appropriate teaching materials.
  • Check Credentials – A quick call to the state licensing board or the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry (AAPD) will ensure that the dentist of your choice has the proper licenses to practice in the field of pediatric dentistry. In addition, you may want to make a call to the dental office to find out how long the dentist has been practicing, both as a dentist and as a child-specialized dentist.

 

Parents Make a Difference

 

There are many things a parent can do to make dental experiences more enjoyable for children. Children pick up on the attitudes of their parents, whether positive or negative. Here are some great tips for you as a parent:

 

  • Don’t tell scary stories – If you have had bad experiences at the dentist, your child does not need to hear about them.
  • Go first – If possible, schedule an appointment to see the dentist right before your child. This may not always be possible with pediatric dentists, but it boosts confidence considerably to see mom or dad happily survive his time in the scary-looking chair.
  • Keep it honest – Don’t tell your children that it won’t hurt or that nothing is going to happen. If they do end up experiencing any pain, they will lose confidence in your word regarding future visits.

 

Meg Jones enjoys the opportunity to write about family and home issues, especially when it comes to nurturing children.  If you are looking for a Dover dentist, there are many very fine care centers available that specialize in working with children.

Parenting Tips: Awaken Parenting Intuition

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, September 10th, 2012

The child behavior that you encounter gives YOU an opportunity to grow.

 

At the heart of raising children is raising ourselves.

 

Raising kids is a learning experience for the parents who look for a way to do a better job.

 

Raising Children

Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.
~ Lady Bird Johnson ~

Ideally, parents and children grow TOGETHER.

 

Parenting help is always available to those parents who want to do better and to feel better in their relationship with their children.

 

You always have access to wise parenting advice WITHIN.

 

Calm down, observe your child, and open your heart and mind to understanding what is happening.  This awakens your PARENTING INTUITION.

 

Your child is really like an open book that you can read.  Just pay calm attention, with a tranquil, trusting heart and open to your inner source of wisdom.

 

You will see what you can do for your child’s good.  Parenting your child is a creative process, for your way of relating with your child influences the development of your child’s personality.

 

When you calmly observe your child with a heart and mind open to your own best inner judgment of what to do about it, you overcome your habitual reaction patterns and demonstrate new and improved parenting skills.  In other words, you raise yourself as you raise your child.

 

Parents want parenting tips from experts, while they have a parenting expert living within them that they overlook when they emotionally react to child behavior.

 

Help for parents who feel stressed out and are at their wits end becomes available when they return to calm confidence.

 

Your child is not responsible for how you react.  To know what to do about your child discipline challenges, practice non-reactivity.

 

Calm down, observe your child and confidently EXPECT that you will receive an idea, an insight, and inspiration that guides you from within.

 

Emotional reactions blind us to the truth.

 

In peace you can understand your child.

 

Raising kids is a learning experience for the parents who calmly pay attention to what is happening.

 

Our children’s challenging behavior calls upon us to grow.

 

An Alternative To Saying “No” To Your Kids

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, June 29th, 2012

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Our parental “job” includes instilling wisdom in our children.

Disciplining Children

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves. ~ C.G. Jung

 

There are good reasons why parents would like to find an alternative to using the word “No” with their children.

 

You don’t want to HAVE to motivate your child to “do the right thing.”

 

Wouldn’t you love sensible ideas to bring as much inspiration to your kids as, say, the idea of shooting off firecrackers?

 

Having to frequently say ‘No’ can make parenting exhausting, and it causes some parents to feel that they are being too negative in the parent-child relationship.

 

If YOU have an issue saying “No”, and you want to instill practical life-wisdom in your child, try instead to tell your child of the reason why and what to do instead.

 

For instance, if your child asks for a second scoop of ice cream, instead of telling him “No”, try saying something like this to lead him to impose positive child discipline upon himself: “That would mean too much sugar, which is not good for the brain. But if you stop requesting another scoop you can have one scoop.”

 

This way of responding resolves the parenting issues of having to say “No” and feeling that you always have to impose boundaries for your child.

 

It ends on a positive note by pointing out what the child CAN have or do. It also helps the child development of understanding that actions have consequences, and to consider the consequences before acting on a desire.

 

Disciplining children is never all that much fun. The sooner our kids can responsibly discipline themselves the better.

 

By providing your child is a simple, brief explanation of what is undesirable about what she wants you actually educate her about what is good for her.

 

At the same time, you motivate your child to cooperate with you by helping her to see the positive outcome of cooperating with you: specifically, not requesting another scoop results in getting one scoop now.

 

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Parenting Help: Improve Your Child’s Environment

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, June 25th, 2012

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To improve child behavior, improve your child’s surroundings.

Good Parenting

Provide the child with influences that help the child display the positive child conduct you want

 

How a child behaves is a largely product of the child’s environment.

 

The child’s environment consists of the influences surrounding the child, including the influences emanating from people within that environment.

 

To help your child avoid or overcome behavior problems improve the emotional and behavior patterns impinging upon your child.

 

Parenting help for better child behavior generally involves working on the child’s environment in order to:

1… Avoid exposing the child to influences that contribute to behavior problems.

2… Provide the child with influences that help the child display the positive child conduct you want.

 

If all we focus on is getting the child to change WITHOUT changing the child’s environment, our efforts will be undermined by the disturbing environmental that led to the child’s behavior problem.

 

For instance, if your child withdraws from other kids, choosing to spend her time alone, that child may have received excessive criticism in her home environment, eroding her self-confidence.

 

Sometimes there is something happening at home that causes the child to feel ashamed.

 

There may be someone in the child’s home environment modeling a similar pattern of sensitivity that drives that person toward solitude and unsociability.

 

As long as the negative environmental factors remain unchanged, child discipline problems are likely to continue reflecting them.

 

In my own parent counseling practice I have often found that the parent help needed for improving how kids behave involves guiding parents in how to bring more order, calmness, attentiveness, positive modeling and love into the child’s environment.

 

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

When It Is Wise To Ignore Your Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Saturday, June 23rd, 2012

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To skillfully support child development, remember that there is a time for responding to your child and a time for NOT responding.

support child development

One key for raising children toward self-reliance is the parenting practice of being just responsive enough

If we are not responsive enough, we lose parental control as our child grows frustrated.

 

This is because and a frustrated child (like a frustrated adult) cannot help but slip into some form of behavior problem.

We teach our children, and the education may prove negative, through the way that we respond to our kids.

 

Being too non-responsive not only frustrates the child with the sense of denied parent access. It teaches the child, through our modeling, to BE non-responsive. This may manifest as the child not “listening” and being generally inattentive.

 

But, while a sufficient amount of parental involvement is crucial for positive child development and child behavior, it is also possible to be TOO responsive with a child.

 

If we respond automatically to a child’s request (or demand) for our attention, assistance or cooperation we demonstrate a weak form of child behavior management that actually trains the child to be overly demanding.

 

We also needlessly exhaust ourselves through the form of excessive parent involvement that we can describe as being overly responsive.

 

Help for parents who over-stress themselves through excessive responsiveness arrives as they apply the self-help wisdom of being more conscious in parenting.

 

Sometimes it is better to not respond as a means of teaching the child that the behavior she is using to get our response is unacceptable.

 

One key for raising children toward self-reliance is the parenting practice of being just responsive enough.

 

Be aware during your parent-child interactions to avoid automatically reacting to your child without first pausing to determine if reacting in the way that you are about to react is really wise right now.

 

If you HABITUALLY respond when your child demands your attention, you produce your own frustration and lead your child toward the relationship problems that stem from being overly demanding.

 

Don’t blame your child for this.  Realize that your reactions of stress and strain are NOT your child’s responsibility.  How you react is YOUR responsibility.

 

Practice the parenting wisdom of more CONSCIOUS parenting to more alertly recognize when you need to respond, and when you need to deliberately NOT respond to your child, for the best parenting results and experiences.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Motivate Your Child – Mother Quotes Of Wisdom

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Thursday, May 10th, 2012

 

Wisdom For Children

“Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice”

 

Wisdom For Children

One good mother is worth a hundred schoolmasters. ~ George Herbert

 

Parenting Skills

"A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary." ~ Dorothy Canfield Fisher

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Apply The Parenting Wisdom of Silence

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, April 27th, 2012

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When it comes to parenting wisdom, no principle may be more important than how we speak to our children.

 

Child Behavior Challenge

Under the influence of a disturbed emotional reaction to a child behavior challenge, we are most likely to say something that negatively impacts child self-esteem, self-confidence and performance.

What we say to our children impacts them deeply.

 

When we feel frustrated with our kids, it’s best to practice the parent wisdom of silence.

 

Under the influence of a disturbed emotional reaction to a child behavior challenge, we are most likely to say something that negatively impacts child self-esteem, self-confidence and performance.

 

What we say to our children forms their mental programming.

 

Telling a child that he never listens, calling a child a slob, labeling your kid selfish or stubborn proves to be a form of self-defeating parenting.

 

Skills in the area of verbal communication help you empower your child.

 

When we feel frustrated our parent-child communication skills are compromised.

 

The next time that you are faced with a child discipline challenge, before you speak, imagine that your child will forever remember what you are about to say.

 

Parenting Wisdom And The Child Behavior Challenge

The next time that you are faced with a child discipline challenge, before you speak, imagine that your child will forever remember what you are about to say

Take a moment to calm down and think about the messages do you WANT your child to remember and live up to?

 

This morning, my 9 year old was making noise while his baby brother slept.

 

I felt like saying, “Why won’t you stop and think about how you are impacting your brother?  He needs his sleep and I don’t want to have to deal with a cranky baby right now! Don’t you care about anyone but yourself?!”

 

But instead of blurting out harsh words, I paused, recognizing I was feeling too upset to speak constructively with my child.

 

So I remained silent.

 

Immediately I realized that all I needed to do was to place my hands on his shoulders and lovingly lead him to a place where his volume would not disturb his brother’s sleep.

 

I’m glad I applied the parenting wisdom of silence to protect his sacred heart.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

How To Raise A Wise Child

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

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Follow Parenting Wisdom With Your Child

Wisdom guides mastery in all fields of endeavor, including parenting.

To follow parenting wisdom with your child means that you are connecting with your own positive, loving and intelligent intuitive inner guidance.

 

You need to be calm, emotionally balanced, and aware in the now for this to happen.

 

When parents begin feeling frustrated in their efforts to control their child, they break their internal connection with the inner wisdom that can guide them toward healthier, happier parenting success.

 

For instance, if you begin feeling annoyed when your child interrupts your work or demands your attention while you are on the phone, your stressful reaction prevents you from handling the situation as well as you can, from producing the results that you really want.

 

Every parent needs to MASTER the experience of being distracted, to stay sane, content, and constructive.

 

Wisdom guides mastery in all fields of endeavor, including parenting.

 

Wisdom is an inspired state of consciousness that nurtures the soul.

 

When you demonstrate parenting wisdom in your relationship with your child, your inner, harmonious, enlightened state radiates, reaching and nurturing your child’s inner life with those same qualities, producing a happier, more loving and wise child.

 

Parents who complain that their children are too wild would do well to consider this way of helping their children to be more wise.

 

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Create Life-Balance To Raise Happy Children

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, March 1st, 2012

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Parenting Classes For Raising Happy Children

Create happier times with your kids to deepen and strengthen family bonding.

 

At one of my recent parenting classes, I discussed the need for a deep heart-connection in the parent-child relationship.

 

“As we nurture children emotionally,” I explained,“their behavior expresses more loving kindness and healthy self-esteem than when kids feel emotionally deprived.”

 

A parent in the class raised her hand and posed this common parenting problem:  “In today’s world, when both parents need to work full time, and jobs often demand more than the old, standard 40 hours a week, we’re not able to give our kids the quality time they need.”

 

My response to that addressed the creative power and responsibility of every one of us:

 

“Your circumstances are a product of your own creation.  You have the power to create the life-balance to support the emotional development of your child.

 

“I know parents who have made huge financial sacrifices to be able to provide their children with all the quality time their kids need.

 

Raising Happy Children

“You empower yourself to succeed relative any goal by seeing yourself as the creator of your circumstances, not as a victim of your circumstances.

“Others found creative ways to maintain a high income while meeting the emotional needs of their children.

 

“You empower yourself to succeed relative any goal by seeing yourself as the creator of your circumstances, not as a victim of your circumstances.

 

“Though you may not know what you can do right now to improve the balance of your life, begin by clearly defining life-balance as your goal and commit to making it happen.

 

“In the meantime, if you cannot increase the quantity of time you spend with your kids, improve the quality of the precious time that you do have with them.

 

“Practice connecting with your children in a more conscious and loving way when you are together. Create happier times with your kids to deepen and strengthen family bonding.”

 

“Turn every moment you spend with your daughter into a kind of parenting class by closely observing her, in order to improve your understanding of your child. This is how to better meet your child’s need for a deep heart-connection in the parent-child relationship

 

Please feel welcome to share your comments in this blog about this parenting advice, and any questions you have about overcoming the challenge to providing children with all the quality time they need from us to feel great and to display beautiful behavior.


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How To Parent Wisely When You Are Feeling Down

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

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How we feel around children impacts how children behave.

 

Our feelings radiate. Our kids read our feelings, absorb our feelings, and soon feel the way that we feel.

 

If we feel depressed, feel anxious, feel inadequate, feel frustrated around a child on a consistent basis, the child may develop a similar, unhealthy emotional pattern.

 

If we consistently feel emotionally balanced, feel inspired, feel self-confident, feel secure, feel calm, feel loving, we naturally instill positive emotional qualities in our child’s emotional development.

Parent Wisely For Healthy Child Behavior

Our feelings radiate. Our kids read our feelings, absorb our feelings, and soon feel the way that we feel

Not only is it compassionate to nurture the child-heart with joy.

 

Children behave better when they feel happy than when they feel unhappy.

 

And if a child behaves poorly repeatedly due to an emotional problem, that can turn into a deep-rooted child discipline problem.

 

To protect children from developing emotional problems and behavior problems, and to provide them with the positive parenting influence that supports their happy success, we parents need to parent with joy, parent with love and parent with emotional stability.

 

But displaying perfect parenting is impossible.  For instance, I spent the other day with my almost 3-year old.  Just a dad and his son. But I was feeling depressed about something.

 

It was hard for me to smile with sincerity.

 

I could see that my child’s mood was lowering in response to my low mood, but there was not a thing I could think of doing that would instantly solve my child’s problem.

 

Covering up my feelings and trying to pretend that I feel great would just model a pattern of repressing feelings and emotional dishonesty, something no wise parenting model includes.

 

I learned a while back that the big mistake we make when we are feeling sad, feeling discouraged or feeling anxious is to try to change external circumstances to gain emotional freedom.

 

What it takes is looking within, until we identify the THOUGHTS about ourselves or about our circumstances that keep us feeling badly.

 

By accepting my feelings, and looking into my mind for the negative thinking that causes them, I gain real emotional freedom.

 

But that is not an instantaneous process.  In the meantime the mood and behavior of my child is suffering from my influence.

 

But that was the best parenting I could do at the time.

 

And I did not beat myself up over the fact that I was not able to demonstrate perfect parenting, because that would have only compounded my negativity.

 

Sometimes we just have to trust our own best parenting wisdom, and model for our children how to grow into a better person.

 

 

Do YOU have any parenting tips for parents when they feel down?

Share your thoughts and questions in this blog about wise parenting under the influence of a low emotion.


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Pet Problems for Parents

By Bob Lancer   |  Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

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One of the most common complaints that I hear from parents in my Positive Parenting With Love workshops, is, “My kids just don’t listen.”

 

The tips for parents that I offer in my response include: “Model better listening skills with your children.”

Raising Children With Positive Parenting

Model better listening skills with your children

 

Here is an example of how one mom demonstrated this.

 

A family found a stray puppy.

 

They already had a dog a cat, a toddler (not yet potty trained), and nine-year old twin boys.

 

The parents realized that they would not be able to demonstrate “positive parenting” very well if they took on one more responsibility.

 

They instantly decided, “No dog, no way.”

 

The toddler could have cared less.  But the twins complained.  When the parents held their ground, the twins cried.  The parents remained firm, but then the mother demonstrated positive parenting skill and wisdom by taking a closer look at her children.

 

The boys really looked hurt.  This was not a small, trivial matter to them.

 

It would have been easy to ignore their protestations with firm resolve.  But the mom wanted her boys to feel compassionate, to care about living creatures, to not harden their hearts.

 

“Let me share with you a couple of parenting tips that I’m trying to apply here, “ she said:  “Simplify your life so you have the energy to be a better parent.  Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ to your kids when you believe it’s in their best interest.”

 

The logic did not ease their pain.“You’re mean!” they shouted.

 

 

Then she came up with a positive parenting wisdom idea: using natural consequences.

 

“If you really feel this badly about it, here’s the deal. We can keep the dog if you triple your housework, take full responsibility for feeding and walking the dog, and if you donate all of your allowance to help with the expense of feeding the dog and taking him to the vet.”

 

They found a very nice home for the dog, in another part of town.

 

Parenting Tips:

 

  1. Model better listening to improve your child’s listening.
  2. Model caring to instill caring in your children.
  3. Informing children of the natural consequences for their choices helps them to make their own responsible decisions.

 

How do you feel about the mother’s response to her children’s pleas? Do you think she should have ignored them?

If the children had agreed to accept the responsibilities, but then balked later, what do you think this parent’s reasonable and responsible course of action should be?

Share your thoughts and questions in this about the positive parenting issues raised here.


Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

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Help Your Child Outgrow Behavior Problems

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, January 5th, 2012

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Understanding Child Behavior

If you expect your child to behave so perfectly all the time that you never feel challenged, perplexed or overwhelmed, you expectation is overly optimistic

Child behavior problems or challenges are unavoidable.

If you expect your child to behave so perfectly all the time that you never feel challenged, perplexed or overwhelmed, you expectation is overly optimistic.

Children DO test us, and in surprising ways.

However wonderful your child may USUALLY behavior, whatever magnificent character she very often displays, her behavior will at times surprise you with a problem behavior you did not expect.

Two valuable tips for parents include:

  1. As part of your personal parenting strategy, be psychologically prepared to feel challenged by the way that your child behaves.
  1. Understand that child behavior is not permanent.  If we respond properly to a behavior problem, the child develops beyond it in a short time.

In my parenting classes, parents seek advice on how to handle everyday parenting challenges like sibling rivalry, bedtime issues, setting rules, establishing boundaries, child aggression, talking back disrespectfully, teaching politeness, encouraging honesty, etc.

But underneath their parenting questions I can see that at some level they often seem to feel that their child should NOT be presenting them with these problems; that children SHOULD behave well.

Adjusting expectations to be realistic is fundamental for any successful parent strategy.

When your child displays a problematic behavior, it does not mean that you are an inadequate parent and it does not mean that your child essentially wrong or bad for behaving in a disturbing way.

It means that you are encountering the reality of parenting.

Our parental responsibility, when it comes to child behavior management or child discipline, is to respond to the behavior in a way that supports the positive behavior changes that we want, and that avoids causing the child to become stuck in a problem behavior pattern.

Parenting Tips to help your child outgrow inappropriate self-conduct:
1. When you react to a behavior with much anger and stress you risk blocking the child from outgrowing that behavior.  This is because your emotional intensity indices child defensiveness.
2. Remaining calm, consider the sort of response your child needs from you to improve his or her behavior.
3. If you don’t know what to do, remain calm and patient. The child may most quickly outgrow the behavior without your intervention.

 

Share your experiences, thoughts and questions regarding this strategy for successfully dealing with child behavior in this blog.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

 

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Positive Parenting Wisdom

By Bob Lancer   |  Sunday, December 18th, 2011

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new child behavior pattern

It is essential to eliminate the use of complaining as a means of solving behavior problems

One of the common parenting mistakes I have observed as a parent and as a parenting seminar leader and consultant who has worked directly with thousands of families, is confusing complaining with effectively improving child behavior.

 

When we complain to our kids about a behavior problem, like not putting their things away or eating like a barbarian at the dinner table, we really are NOT leading them to more responsible child behavior.

 

Raising kids to display a higher level of self-discipline is accomplished by patiently guiding the child, step-by-step, through the new child discipline pattern you want established.

 

And to SUCCESSFULLY establish a new child behavior pattern, you have to be willing to repeat this patient, step-by-step leadership over and over again, until it becomes the child’s new habit.

Try this exercise:

  1. Make a list of the child behavior problems that you face in raising your kids. want your child display.
  2. Envision the new child behavior you want in place of that problem.
  3. The next time that your child demonstrates the behavior problem, instead of complaining, calmly, patiently guide your child step-by-step through the new behavior that you want.

 

Contribute to the Parenting Wisdom of the planet by sharing the results of this exercise, and any questions you have about it, in this blog.


 

One additional point: It is essential to eliminate the use of complaining as a means of solving behavior problems.

 

When we complain to our kids, we incite their defensiveness, not their cooperation.

 

Complaining is a way of raising kids to complain!

 

To instill a new child behavior pattern, guide your child through the steps of that behavior calmly, patiently and repeatedly, until the child does it on his or her own.

 

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Inspirational Parenting Wisdom

By Bob Lancer   |  Saturday, December 10th, 2011

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Inspiration and kids

Children display more respectful compliance, more willing cooperation, when they sense our happy feelings

Inspiration and kids go quite well together.

When you feel inspired while interacting with your children, you will achieve better results than when you feel frustrated, impatient or overwhelmed.

This is because children pick up on how we feel, including our feeling of positive motivation.

Children display more respectful compliance, more willing cooperation, when they sense our happy feelings.

This is why it makes sense to re-train our response pattern when our children seem most difficult.

I’ve found that when I respond with inspiration, my kids are easier to deal with.

For instance, while my toddler begged me to play with him, but I had to complete a chore, instead of reacting with exasperation I tried responding with inspiration.

In an enthusiastic tone I said, “Hey, this is great.  You are getting to learn how to wait!”

I noticed that his mood of whiney impatience shifted instantly.  The look on his face turned from cranky to relaxed.

Responding with positive feelings of motivation with our children not only has a positive impact on their behavior. For me, it makes parenting more enjoyable.

Try this exercise.

For one entire day, notice when you begin to feel the slightest trace of stress, frustration, annoyance or irritation with your children.

The moment you begin to feel yourself slipping into that unpleasant reaction, try shifting into a state of positive motivation with your children.

You might do this by simply pretending that you are doing something you love, and remember how that feels.

Contribute to other parents’ Wisdom with Kids by sharing
the results of this exercise in this blog.

With daily, deliberate practice I have found that I experience more inspiration with my kids on a consistent basis, and that inspires them to behave more delightfully.

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

The Wisdom of Healthy Ambition

By Bob Lancer   |  Tuesday, November 29th, 2011

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Wisdom For Motivating Kids

Everyone enjoys life more when they have goals and dreams that they want to fulfill

Children thrive on wisdom.

Kids are spiritually nurtured by it.  In other words, wisdom, presented in a way that they can really receive, is inspiring to children.

We provide wisdom to kids in two ways: through what we say (when they are old enough to comprehend our words well enough) and through what we do.

One form of wisdom kids benefit by receiving is the wisdom healthy ambition.

As it says in the Wisie for Children, The Value of Ambition:

The big word – ambition – means that you have get-up-and-go power.”

So teaching children about ambition passes on to them “get-up-and-go” power.

What do you want YOUR child to be ambitious for?

In other words, what goals would you like your child to be self-motivated to pursue?

We instill the wisdom of healthy ambition by pursuing OUR goals in a healthy, balanced way.

If we strive in stress, anxiety, frustration and fatigue, we make ambition “look bad”.

Here is another inspirational quote from the Wisie for Kids video, The Value of Ambition:

“Everyone enjoys life more when they have goals and dreams that they want to fulfill.”

Inspiring children with the wisdom of ambition requires that they see ambition as a key to a happy life.

When I see my almost 9 year-old resisting doing a chore or his homework, I help him to feel motivated by suggesting that he make the work FUN.

I then offer to join him, to assist him, to WORK with him to help to see that working hard can be fun.  In other words, I try demonstrating healthy ambition.

What are YOUR goals and dreams?  Talking about them with your child in a way that expresses your enthusiasm for them is a way of passing healthy ambition onto your child.

In this blog, share your thoughts and questions about inspiring children with the wisdom for kids that relates healthy ambition.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

 

Little Steps

By Marilyn Cramer   |  Friday, November 4th, 2011

“I long to accomplish a great and noble task;

but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks

as if they were great and noble.”

 

~ Helen Keller

 

 

If you want to do something new

but are afraid to try,

then take little steps.

Those small steps

add up to a big accomplishment,

and anything is possible!

wisdom for children

Give importance to the little steps. They lead you to the bigger goals

3 Keys For Improving Child Behavior

By Bob Lancer   |  Sunday, October 23rd, 2011

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Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Improving child behavior

By helping your child to remain calm, you support the balanced emotional condition that is the foundation for orderly child self-conduct.

Here are 3 keys for improving child behavior.

The first step is modeling.  Children are programed by nature to repeat what they see and hear.

If your child, for instance, demonstrates a problem containing her exuberance in the school classroom, it may be traced to one of her parents operating through the day in an overly high-strung manner.

As that parent demonstrates better self-control by functioning in a more calm and relaxed manner throughout the day, that parent models the kind of improved behavior that is expected from the child.

Modeling is just one bit of parenting advice for improving child behavior.

Here is another: Help the child to maintain emotional balance.

When the child’s level of emotional intensity runs too high, it is impossible for the child to demonstrate orderly behavior.

Child behavior problems often stem from a child’s emotional problem.  By helping your child to remain calm, you support the balanced emotional condition that is the foundation for orderly child self-conduct.

What child behavior problems does your child exhibit?

Can you see how modeling, and how the child’s emotional condition influences that behavior?

In this blog, share your thoughts and questions about modeling and
how to help your child to remain calm enough to behave well.

Here is a bit of parenting advice for raising children beginning at around age four. To improve their behavior, they need to understand:
1.    The problem with the behavior they have been displaying
2.    The behavior that you expect from them
3.    The benefit of demonstrating that improved behavior

The reason the child needs to improve his behavior should pertain to the patterns of behavior he needs to develop to lead a happy, successful life.

The real purpose of improving child behavior is to prepare the child for responsible self-reliance.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Acknowledge Your Child’s Perfection

By Bob Lancer   |  Thursday, October 13th, 2011

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Positive discipline for improving child behavior

The child needs to accept her “wonderfulness” in order to manifest it in positive child behavior.

Positive discipline means guiding and establishing boundaries for children in ways that release the child’s healthy, higher potential.

We can describe discipline as “negative” when it produces negative results. Just yelling at a kid, scolding him, timing him out, spanking him, or depriving him of what he wants does not automatically lead that child into more intelligent, caring, responsible behavior. In fact, it often has the opposite effect.

Essential for positive discipline is relating with the child in ways that foster the child’s positive belief in himself. The child needs to accept her “wonderfulness” in order to manifest it in positive child behavior.

Does your child believe in herself/himself?

Do you agree that self-esteem impacts child-behavior?

In what ways do parents need to nurture, support, and protect
their child’s healthy self-esteem?

Share your thoughts, experiences and questions about this in this blog.

While we want our children to strive to fulfill their higher potential, we need to understand the delicate balance involved.

Focusing too much on what the child does “wrong”, or reacting with too much harshness in your attitude when your child “gets it wrong”, undermines the child’s belief in his ability to do any better. It actually fosters the child’s belief that it is his role to be the “mischief-maker”, and that belief drives him to behave poorly.

Our children need us to teach them how to love themselves just as they are, or at least to protect and nurture that healthy form of self-love that they possess inherently.

However your child behaves, realize that in a very important sense your child is already perfect.

The beauty that shines from your child is divine.

Use only POSITIVE discipline to help your child manifest the forms of self-conduct that express that innate perfection.

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Improve Your Child’s Reactions

By Bob Lancer   |  Friday, October 7th, 2011

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The foundation for improving child behavior is improving PARENT behavior.

The quality of your results with your child is a product of what you do.

Improve parent behavior to improve child behavior

Your child cannot demonstrate better self-control when you are losing yours.

As long as you continuing reacting in the same old ways, you continue re-producing the same old disappointing results.

Nature programs children to display personality and behavior patterns similar to those that they are exposed to.

Your child cannot demonstrate better self-control when you are losing yours.

Parents often complain about how their child reacts to not getting his way.

These parents need to look at how THEY react when the do not get THEIR way with their child.

Behavior is learned.  As you learn how to improve your reaction to your child’s reactions, you teach your child how to improve HER reactions.

How does your child react when you do not let him have his way, and how do YOU typically react to that?

How would you like your child to handle it
when she cannot have her way?

Share your thoughts and questions about improving children’s reactions in this blog for parents.

Tips for improving your child’s reactions:

  1. 1. Don’t blame your child for your loss of calm and loving composure.

  1. 2. Regard your reactions to your child’s disturbing behavior as modeling that teaches your child to react when things don’t go the way she wants.

  1. 3. Before you try to improve your child’s reactions, work on improving your reactions to his reactions.

Remember that your child is really NOT responsible for your behavior. How you respond to your child teaches your child how to behave.

To improve child behavior, improve your own.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Impulsive Child Behavior

By Bob Lancer   |  Monday, October 3rd, 2011

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Raising kids to better manage their impulses demands tremendous self-control.

As parents, we need to relate with the child in the way the child needs.

Reacting in anger and frustration is easy when the child’s behavior disturbs us.

Child parent relationship

Raising kids means relating to them in a way that helps them fulfill their higher potential.

But very often the child behavior that triggers our angry response actually calls for our loving understanding.

Reacting in anger, frustration, annoyance and impatience is NOT the same thing as effectively leading a child into more responsible behavior.

If your toddler hits you deliberately because he feels upset, your first impulse may be to react with harsh anger, or even to strike him back.

But that reaction can actually cause the child to develop more inappropriate physical aggression patterns.

Raising kids means relating to them in a way that helps them fulfill their higher potential.

What behaviors does your child engage in that
challenge your self-control the most?

What are some ways that you impulsively react to your child’s behavior that you would like to improve or change?

Share your thoughts and questions about parent self-control or child impulse management in this blog.

Your child’s behavior is to a significant extent a product of how you parent. To help our children develop responsible behavior, we need to demonstrate responsible behavior.

This often means NOT reacting based on our first impulse to our child’s behavior, but rather to exercise better self-control, so that we can match our response to what our children need to do better.

Raising our kids to better manage their impulsiveness demands raising ourselves to manage our own.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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